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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travel long haul for wedding with toddler

50 replies

TerribleTwosNoNOno · 10/02/2026 00:46

A very dear friend has just told us she's getting married in January next year. We are close, I knew they were engaged, making rough plans etc. Thing is, this wedding will be in Bali and we will have a 2.5 year old DD.

We have travelled long haul (for family, DH's side) when our DD was 6 months and at 14 months, recently. It's such hard work....the only thing that made it bearable is we had loving grandparents and aunties and a very comfortable house at our destination. Toddler does not take travel and jet lag well at all.

Wedding spans almost 3 days and is child free so DH would have to stay in the hotel with DS, and only I could go to all the events.

The early January time also means we will not be able to do anything at Christmas with our own families.

This is my oldest and probably currently my closest friend. I'm really torn. I could take my parents but the cost of that would be astronomical.

OK as I write this I think I have made up my mind. Damn. It's too tricky.

I could go alone but I'll use up too much annual leave, it will still mean no wider family Christmas or winter holiday at all.

OP posts:
Abd80 · 10/02/2026 00:49

that would be a hard no from me

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2026 00:51

Three day child free destination wedding? They don’t want parents there. Don’t go.

TeenLifeMum · 10/02/2026 00:51

If another friend was going I might consider going with them but not dh and ds when we wouldn’t even see each other. Totally pointless them going. If you don’t want to go alone/with a friend then it would be a no from me.

I travelled LH with my 3 dc even they were little and it was fun because dh and I were both there and we were visiting family where they had safe gardens and houses to be in - not a hotel room. So I’m not anti dc travelling but this doesn’t sound fun and dc aren’t welcome so that could feel awkward if dc saw you across the hotel complex and wanted mummy. It just all sounds a recipe for an expensive disaster all round.

ImFinePMSL · 10/02/2026 00:54

Just don’t go. Too much hassle.

Altough I find this a bit strange: The early January time also means we will not be able to do anything at Christmas with our own families

Do you not celebrate Christmas on 25 December?

Original poster
TerribleTwosNoNOno · 10/02/2026 00:59

ImFinePMSL · 10/02/2026 00:54

Just don’t go. Too much hassle.

Altough I find this a bit strange: The early January time also means we will not be able to do anything at Christmas with our own families

Do you not celebrate Christmas on 25 December?

Our families all live abroad so we need annual leave to see them. I can't take a week at Christmas, come back to work for one week, then take another two weeks from 7 January. Work will not allow it.

OP posts:
HollaHolla · 10/02/2026 01:17

Can't you just go alone? Aren't there other people you know attending alone?
I've travelled overseas for a few close friend's weddings, and have been alone for almost all of them. It's fine - quite nice to do your own thing either side of it too.

Original poster
TerribleTwosNoNOno · 10/02/2026 01:21

HollaHolla · 10/02/2026 01:17

Can't you just go alone? Aren't there other people you know attending alone?
I've travelled overseas for a few close friend's weddings, and have been alone for almost all of them. It's fine - quite nice to do your own thing either side of it too.

Wedding is early January so it would still mean I can't take annual leave to do something nice as a family at Christmas which is a bit rubbish. Going together would have meant we at least do something all together. That was my original thinking.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 10/02/2026 01:29

I think the travel would be fine as 2 adults with only one child, but it's a long way to take a 2 year old for them to not go to any of the events. Did you mean for you to all go on the trip and have a holiday as well? Might be better just to go on your own for a shorter trip to celebrate the wedding, if you want to be there. I think it's also understandable not to.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/02/2026 01:34

They've set up a distant destination wedding and made it child free. They would have to be grossly unreasonable to expect you to attend.

Flatandhappy · 10/02/2026 01:34

January is wet season in Bali, it is also incredibly busy as it is peak holiday season for Aussies (of which I am one) which makes things more expensive. Strange choice of timing tbh.

On the other hand the Balinese absolutely adore children. It would be very possible for you to hire a local nanny or two to be with you and entertain your child while yourself and DH are able to participate in some of the wedding festivities. Where is the wedding? A resort in Nusa Dua for example could be quite easy, a villa in Canggu less so.

DaffyDuckz · 10/02/2026 02:08

Absolutely no way I would go! It sounds like a nightmare tbh. Why would you put your kid (and dh!) through that?

I would very politely explain that the journey would be impossibly hard and you can’t get leave from work so close to Christmas both of which are true.

DeathStare · 10/02/2026 02:44

I'd miss time off at Christmas to go to my best friend's wedding in a heartbeat.

Crawdadsunite · 10/02/2026 02:49

I wouldn’t go. If you decide to get married in Bali and don’t invite children to the wedding, IMO you couldn’t be upset if some guests decline their invite.

BollyMolly · 10/02/2026 02:54

Unless one of the couple is from Bali, the fact that they are getting married in Bali suggests that they are much more interested in their venue than their guests. You don’t need to feel guilty about not going. These people are not that bothered whether you’re there or not. They don’t even have the courtesy to invite your child despite it meaning your husband would be excluded after travelling long haul.

JC89 · 10/02/2026 03:09

I wouldn't be taking a toddler who doesn't travel well on a journey like that, especially as they aren't even invited! I would say either don't go or go on your own.

mindutopia · 10/02/2026 03:22

I had a similar sort of wedding, except I was a bridesmaid. Ultimately, I decided to pull out (with a good amount of notice). One of my oldest and dearest friends, but I just could not make it work and could not make childcare materialise.

In your case, I’d consider just going alone as your child will be 2.5 and able to stay home. Mine was a bf 8 month old who I simply couldn’t leave on the other side of the world with no food for 7-10 days.

ChestnutSquash · 10/02/2026 03:41

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2026 00:51

Three day child free destination wedding? They don’t want parents there. Don’t go.

This. Send them a card and wish them well.

Jellybunny56 · 10/02/2026 04:01

I think it depends how much you want to go really. A best friends wedding vs one year off from usual Christmas plans shouldn’t be a huge drama really, it’s one year, so I don’t think that’s a great reason to give.

I would also say your toddler will be a whole year older by January, comparing the way they were at 6 months to that isn’t really workable.

If you don’t want to go though just say that.

Bikergran · 10/02/2026 04:57

Anyone who plans a "destination" wedding should accept that they should not expect ANYBODY to use up vast amounts of money and annual leave to attend, and their wedding party may be very small. I can absolutely see the romantic appeal to some people of getting married on a tropical beach, but it's the couple's decision to do that. Anyone who really wants to share that with them and has the flexibility and money to do it, fair enough, but nobody should feel pressure to join in if it's going to be hard work and stretch them financially.

Ponderingwindow · 10/02/2026 05:06

Your friend doesn’t care if you attend so don’t tie yourself in knots over this.

unless her dear old grandmother lives in Bali, she didn’t need to choose that location. Even if she does, she could be going out of her way to make it easy for her friend with a young child to make the trip. She is not. You are not a priority guest at this event.

you can rsvp no and send her a very nice card with no guilt.

PollyBell · 10/02/2026 05:08

If I really wanted to go I would make it happen, if not there is no chance I would go

a real friend would understand, and I never held anything against anyone who could not make our wedding at all

Zanatdy · 10/02/2026 05:27

No, I wouldn’t go. Fair enough if you could all attend, but 3 days for your DH to mind the toddler whilst you’re at the wedding, definite no from me.

SparkyBlue · 10/02/2026 05:43

No absolutely not I wouldn’t even think twice about it. It would be too far for me in the circumstances you describe. The child free thing would also be a deal breaker. My own wedding was child free apart from children of the wedding party which is normal with most people I know but my wedding was a local one. My uncle travelled from London (I’m in Ireland so not a huge hassle but still it’s travel) and his young daughter was obviously with him and of course she was invited as well. If someone is kind enough to travel long distances and take annual leave and go to big expense for your wedding then as a host you are really grateful to them for doing this for you and the least you can do to show your appreciation is invite their small child to the wedding. Im actually flabbergasted that she expects you to travel halfway across the world at enormous expense and then your DH and DC won’t be part of the festivities. That’s actually nuts. No real friend would expect you to do this.

Oneandanotheroneistwo · 10/02/2026 06:15

Why do you need to go for 2 weeks? Couldn't you just go for the wedding? My DH's best friend lives a 9hr flight away with his wife and kids and flew back on his own for the weekend for our wedding (his wife and kids were invited to the wedding but they decided only he should come)

thesecondmrsdewinter20 · 10/02/2026 06:20

mindutopia · 10/02/2026 03:22

I had a similar sort of wedding, except I was a bridesmaid. Ultimately, I decided to pull out (with a good amount of notice). One of my oldest and dearest friends, but I just could not make it work and could not make childcare materialise.

In your case, I’d consider just going alone as your child will be 2.5 and able to stay home. Mine was a bf 8 month old who I simply couldn’t leave on the other side of the world with no food for 7-10 days.

Wait does this mean your friend wouldn’t let you bring your EBF 8 month old to the wedding? What on earth did they expect you to do?