What should I do for the best?

[worriedsickson19]

I am looking for advice, but please be kind as I am really struggling right now.
2 DC’s, 19yr old DS (have posted about the struggles with him before) and 16yr old DD. Have been divorced for 7 yrs, kids 50:50 with their Dad when he isn’t drinking, then they choose to stay with me. DD has become more volatile over the last year, is angry all the time and I feel like I am walking on eggshells.
I have been with my partner for nearly 6 yrs, we are engaged and have set a date for 2027 wedding. Over the past few years we have done holidays/weekends away, with all or some of the kids, he has 3 kids, 2 older and left home, one 17yr old DD still at home. My DD enjoys her company and they always have a good laugh when we go away together. We have decided that the time is right to move in together, so in the autumn of this year, he will sell his house and move into mine, with his DD, who will be able to chose how much time she lives with us and how much time with her Mum. Both my kids are used to seeing him around as he always stays with me when his daughter is with her Mum and my DC’s would/should be with their Dad. Over the last 6 months, they have been mostly with me, so have seen more of him.
My DD has totally lost it, she is very angry about him moving in and will shout and swear at me, is moody, won’t talk to me, takes things the wrong way and refuses to communicate and says that she hates me and hates being at her Dads and once my partner moves in, there won’t be anywhere that she feels happy.
I am devastated about this as him moving in will be such a relief to have the emotional, practical and financial support that I am desperate for and have waited so long for, to put the DC’s needs first. I know that she is struggling with her emotions, worried about her Dad and has the pressure of exams and she feels that she shouldn’t have to have a “stranger” in her home and that she doesn’t want or need a Father figure in her home.
I am genuinely devastated and having to tell my partner that she doesn’t want him here, when he thinks the world of her, is killing me. I feel like an emotional punchbag right now, she physically hit me late last year when I had to make a decision that she didn’t like (safe guarding issue), which has been really tough for me.
Am I being unreasonable, should I put her first and tell my partner we should wait for another year?
or Am I being reasonable and crack on with it and hope she see’s all the good things about having him living with us?

This has nailed it. It is very difficult for anyone to imagine the push me pull you situation of being a single parent and you’d think with teens it would get easier. But it doesn’t.

@ImFinePMSLyou weren’t talking about welfare. You were talking about finances. You were shaming the OP into feeling bad that she couldn’t afford the fantastic quality of life her daughter wanted.
Quite frankly, how dare you.
OP didn’t say they were homeless or in debt or going with food or electricity. She simply said it would be nice to have the reassurance of a second wage so everything doesn’t fall quite so on her shoulders.
And so I ask again, who are you to judge? If you are not a single parent who is paying for absolutely everything for your children, then you can’t comment. Especially not to judge.

You’re off your head mate 🤣🤣🤣

How on earth was I shaming the OP into feeling bad about not affording a “fantastic quality of life”.? Like where have you pulled that from?

I was telling the OP moving in her partner won’t add any extra benefit to her daughter’s welfare. & that it is HER responsibility to finance her own daughter. Not her partners.

How on earth that is “shaming” someone is beyond me. This place is fucking nuts 💀🤣

I would wait until she's settled at uni, OP, but I am not sure why people are giving you such a hard time for wanting to live more comfortably with the guy you've been with for six years.