Working hours

[Pandaghost]

Posting here for traffic rather than to query AIBU...
If you have young children, what are your working hours and what does your day look like re: drop off and pick up?
My partner and I disagree about how much time working parents typically spend with their children and are at loggerheads over childcare split.
Thanks!

DS is 6. I’m not currently working but usually, we leave the house to drop him at school at 8.30 and pick up him around 5.30. School is a 5-10 min walk. We do that 4 days a week. On a Friday, I try to finish early and pick him up at the end of the school day (3.20). When he was in nursery, he did similar hours 4 days a week and I had a day off with him during the week. We both technically have/had jobs from 9am - 5pm or 5.30pm but we both have some flexibility including to WFH a couple of days a week.

DH and I both work full time. We work from home enough that one of us is always at home, so DDs don’t go to breakfast club. School is only a 5 min walk away so one of us will drop them off and be back by 8:45.
Then they’re in an after school club of some sort (either just general after school club, or a sport one) after school. We’re both able to flex our days how we like, so if we’re both at home, whoever doesn’t take them to school works 8:00-16:30, then picks DDs up. When I go into the office I work 7:30-16:00 (this is my preferred way of working and was pre-children as well. Totally acceptable at my workplace), so I pick them up after that.

I’m currently off on maternity with second baby but before that, older child is in nursery, I choose to work 7-3 so that I can pick her up by 3:30, husband does morning/drop off at 9 and then finishes work at half 5 ish on average, sometimes later but usually no later than 6.

Will be the same when she starts school, he will do morning & drop off so that I can work early and finish early to do pick up, both of us then home for the evening 6 latest most days as we do now.

I work 4 days a week, one being Saturday. Tues & Weds I work 9am-8pm, DH WFH so does the dinner/bath/bed. Thurs I pick the kids up at 5 from nursery and after school club.

I was a SAHM for 9 years which I believe is way better for the kids. Working is better for me though :) I did genuinely love being a SAHM and feel v bad the kids need to do after school club, and I obviously see them way way way less than I did as a SAHM. Sad times! Love my job though.

I have always worked 8.30-4.30. DH worked 7.30-4pm. both of us full time mon-fri
DC went to nursery 8-4.30 ish

Then break club club from 7.30 when at school. By then my DH worked 6-2 so picked up DC from school.

My working hours varied over time
i I was always able to take dd to school and she had childminder/ clubs. I managed a lot of the holidays through flexible working

childcare split was irrelevant although the ex may have done the odd drop off

in terms of time
management

you both deserve the same amount of child free time / time when you can do something of your choice

there is not “typical” as each home is different but an hour to two hours for exercise several times a week is. Minimum to my mind as health and fitness is so important

Breakfast club in the morning and I start work at 0800 and work until 1800. I usually do one pick up at 1530 and one at 1630 during the week depending on workload. mine love afterschool club and sports clubs and much prefer I don’t pick them up early though!!

Partner starts very early and does the remaining pick ups at 1750 (long commute). On average we both work between 45-55hrs a week.

DH works full time WFH and I work school hours.

I work 3 days a week, term time only, and DH does 30 hours a week all year round. We have one DS who is 5.

Mon & Tues are my non working days so I do all school runs.
Wed DH drops DS off and I finish work in time to collect him at 3.20pm
Thurs DH drops DS off and he goes to after school club as we’re both at work, either of us will collect around 5pm depending on who is ready
Fri is DH non work day so he does the school runs.
DH also works every Saturday to allow him to have Fridays off.

Works fine for us and we get lots of time with DS during the week and one family day at weekends.

I work full time 6-14:30 so I'm gone before my youngest (8) wakes up but I'm usually home before he gets home from school (sometimes need to work later), sometimes I manage to pick him up but usually he walks home these days. OH works variable hours but usually can stay home with DS until he leaves for school (couldn't today so my 15 year old made sure DS left on time) and often finishes before me anyway but sometimes has to work very late. So OH does the mornings - getting DS up and ready and giving him breakfast and I pick up when I can. OH usually takes the day off/does paperwork at home if DS is sick as its easier for him to take time off.
Last year DS was in breakfast club and I started work later so I did all the mornings and drop offs and most of the pick ups so quite happy that its OH's turn this year!

When mine were that age, I waited until XH got home from work at 5:30 and I then worked 6-10 every weekday evening and every Saturday 8-3.

we both leave house 730. He drops one child and returns to WFH. I drop a child and get back usually between 5-6 depending on the day (finish teaching around 3.45).
grandparents do a day for the preschooler
school age child does breakfast club most days and after school about half.
each of us has a day off (his is split into two afternoons)

it’s a complicated little juggle :-)

When my DC were little my DH worked 6-2 and later 8-3. I did all drop offs. When DH worked 6-2 he did some pick ups and when he worked till 3 I did all. I worked part time 3 nights a week 5-10:30. ( mon Tues and sat).

DW works FT, I work 8.30-2.30, so finish in time to collect younger DC. DW drops off twice a week and I do the other drop offs and all the pick ups. DW starts earlier the days I drop off, which means we often have 1 of us cooking and the other focused on the kids. They both have ASN though, so can take a lot of looking after.

We both work FT 9-5 M-F but I WFH Tuesday and Thursday and from 3pm on Friday so I do school pick up and drop off these days (breakfast club at 815 on working days). Grandparents do pick up on Monday and Wednesday. DC are 11 and 7 so old enough that they’re fine doing homework etc whilst I’m still WFH

Mine are older now but when they were very young (from four months) I worked all day Monday- Wednesday and they went to nursery these days, me dropping off and picking up. At primary school age I swapped hours and worked 9- 1 Monday to Friday so could drop off (and run) and pick up. Then when they were late primary I changed again to a six hour day three times a week. I dropped off and we used childminders and after school clubs to plug any gaps on my working days. As DH worked much much further from home (and outearned me x 5) he was rarely able to do any of this.
I never feel I didn’t have enough time with them despite rtw pretty soon. It saved my career, my pension and my mental health. Worth all the juggling.

This will vary massively, depending on ages of dc, what your jobs are whether one of you can wfh, if either of you work shifts, what your commute is like, how flexible your workload is, how generous your employer is.

Even staying in the same jobs, ours varied greatly at different times.
Pre-school, I took them to childminders and collected them as I needed the car to get to work and he cycled.
Once at school, I went in for about 7am and dh got them up and dropped them at breakfast club at 7.45 (as they could all walk there, then he could cycle in).
Having started early, I was usually able to leave by 5 to collect them by 5.15. On the odd evening I couldn't, then dh came home early to get them.

We both had jobs where we could do some of our work, at home in the evenings, once they had gone to bed.

What are your circumstances @Pandaghost ?

I am currently part time but this is temporary due to a restructure (worked in my favour as coincided with return to work following an op). I am due back full time next week.

I WFH and will be able to do drop offs at nursery and school (youngest is 15 months).

I finish at 4pm and nursery is on our road so we can all be at home pretty much straight away.

Eldest would need to do after school club for 4 days (currently does 3 and grandparents do 1 day pick up) but would only be there for 40 mins before I collect.

Partner leaves at 7am and is home by 5.

Looking objectively, I can see that we are fortunate that we dont have long hours but I was banking on part time. I left teaching to be more flexible and it hasn't turned out that way (although I am working for the local authority so this role is also term time which gives me a lot of quality time with them)

When my children were young I worked three full days a week.

I dropped them off with the childminder at 8am and picked them up at 6. She did the school/nursery runs (nursery was morning only).

Childminder was a neighbour with children the same age as mine, so it worked very well.

On my working days:

Myself and kids leave the house between 8am and 8.30am. Oldest at secondary so home between 4pm-5pm depending on clubs. Primary age DC are collected by grandparents from school and we pick them up at 6pm. Grandparents very kindly feed and water them and do homework / clubs. This is x3 days per week. I WFH but most if my calls / meetings are in the afternoon (US clients)

DP self employed leaves earlier than us but collects kids 50% of the time.

With your update, I am confused as to why this is causing disagreement.

You CAN drop them at school. He can't
You CAN pick them up - he could but it would be a lot later than you can, as you finish work earlier and wfh.

DS is 10 and I wfh full time - if I need to do both drop off and pick up work are happy for me to work an extra hour (start at 7 and finish at 4, instead of 8-4). If I have to do one of them, it is an extra half an hour I work. DH works from home a couple of days a week and we have grandparents who help out too.

Sorry, my initial post was perhaps misleading. Not the childcare split as such, I am sulking as I wanted a day off to do pick up and be with youngest: partner has said that I would still have a decent amount of time with them even when working full time.

So you want to work part time - that is usually reasonable with small kids

iy should mean you would take on more of the household load - what you do with the kids is basically show them how to run a house

would he have an option to go part time too?
What are the financial implications - how secure is his job ?

When DS was at preschool I did 3 days a week 9-4. When he started school I did 9-2.30 4 days a week - DH doing the morning dropoff, me the afternoon pickup. I now do 9-1 5 days a week so I can collect DS from school. It comes with some sacrifices.