Working hours

[Pandaghost]

Posting here for traffic rather than to query AIBU...
If you have young children, what are your working hours and what does your day look like re: drop off and pick up?
My partner and I disagree about how much time working parents typically spend with their children and are at loggerheads over childcare split.
Thanks!

I have a 4 yr old. I work 2 12hr shifts. Husband generally does 8-4. I do drop of at 8 then bolt to work....which also starts at 8🤦🏻‍♀️thankfully my work allow me to start later... husband does pick up. Them Then the remainder of the day as I'm still at work. The other days he's with we.

We both work the exact same hours 8-4:30 BUT we have flexi time, a very lenient boss and I wfh 2-3 days a week.
we share the drop offs and youngest goes to afterschool on the days in onsite and we share collection on the days I wfh I collect him at schools finish time and use my break to do this.

Work have refused my request for permanent part time. I could look for something else but I think I would lose more than I would gain (reasonable hours, wfh, term time only and good salary). My boss is generally reasonable and I think he would allow some good will regarding sports days etc (no to part time has come from higher up). Partner has never expressed desire to work pt, their work is pretty good too - can go in earlier if need to finish earlier etc. Can swap days off to have a day off in week and work weekend etc.
I think I know IABU when I write it down...I just thought I would get part time long term and its upset me that I won't

DH and I both work 5 days a week (now), DH WFH 3 days a week and I am in the office 4 out of 5 days usually (I could do one more day at home but am the most senior person in the office so try and be around). 2 DC, one 12, one 9. 9 yo is in ASC 3 days a week and has an early morning club one day.

One of us drops DC2 at school for 8.20 and then either home or get on the train. DC1 needs taking to the bus stop (send) but that is early, 7.45 ish. Pick up is either the person WFH or whoever is on the first train back- dc2 is collected about 17.45 usually. DC1 comes home alone but has some clubs after school so most days it's not until 16.30 so is not on their own too long.

We've also done one of 4 days, while the other compressed 5 into 4 (stupid long days, often had to do some work on the fifth day); 4 days for DH and a 9 day fortnight for me; DH a Sahd for a couple of years. I liked the 9 day fortnight a lot, good balance between having a free day and not having to work long days. I used to work more days from home but it's not my preference, I prefer working from the office.

We've kept the commute short deliberately - means if one person needs to go in and still manage pick up etc they can. It's all quite a compromise one way or another.

I work 4 days, 3 are a full day (I can do 9-5 or 8.30-4.30) and one is school hours. So DCs have to do 3 days of after school club. I know it's a luxury, but I really did want to be able to do normal pick up time a couple of days a week. I like the extra time, we go to the park in the summer on the way home, and it means I can do a family meal on those days too.
But my employer has been very flexible so I'm lucky.

I work FT with one day at the weekend and a day off in the week. We share morning drop offs 2 (me), 2(DH) and one alternating. Then afternoon pick up we have a babysitter who does 2 per week and we share the other three equally.

On days when I’m not dropping off I start earlier, on days when I’m picking up I will work in the evening - either zoom meetings or in person. So DH will do bedtime.

I'm completely confused what you are asking now.

So - it isn't about you each doing your fair share of drop offs / pick ups as I first thought.

It isn't about whether it is a reasonable desire to work 4 days rather than 5, as it is your employers who won't facilitate this, not your dh.

So can you explain what it is you are asking ?
(Sorry if I'm being really slow )

When mine were young, I dropped them at the childminders at 7.45 ish, and picked them up around 5.15ish, five days a week. Two of those days DH picked them up.

After a few years he went to 3 days a week, and a couple of years after that I went to 4 days so I could do school pickups and drop offs on one of the days.

Tbh I think you’ve got a very good setup. You can drop them off each day and have basically no commute, and collect them at 4 - this is amazing because it allows for all sorts of things later on like getting them to after school swimming, beavers, play dates etc. And it’s term time only - this is so much more time with them than lots have. And sounds like it’s flexible too for special event days.

It’s always hard when you were picturing something different but really, what you have is so good.

Higher earner, careeer potential, did or arranged it all. Both worked FT, I did additional hours because of the nature of the job. Continue to do the lions share of lifts etc. Knackered but have the far superior relationship with DC. No reason for me doing it all except at one point he seemed to think it was 1973 and was immovable.

I work 8:30 - 2:30. I drop off for 8 and pick up at 3

3 days per week: Drop of at breakfast club at 8 am, get to work at 8.30. Finish at 5, get home at 5.30 - dc already there with nanny.

2 days per week wfh - work 8 to 4.30. Drop them to school at 9. Collect them from afterschool at 4.30.

I’m confused - it sounds like you’re already essentially working part time.

School drop off - 4pm pick up is max 7 hours total. Five days a week is 35 hours a week. That’s a short week. Term time only, so about 34 weeks a year.

Full time with a normal amount of holidays would be 37-42 hours a week 45.5 weeks a year. So you’re currently doing about 60% FTE.

If you’re getting full time pay for that you’re on a brilliant deal - but don’t be under an illusions that you’re not working part time.

I work a couple of weekday evenings 5-11pm, and alternate weekends 3-11pm. It's rubbish, really hard going in the winter months and I am super tired... But we have no support network and working daytimes would be a nightmare in the school holidays.

The downside is I feel some weekdays, I barely see my husband and kids.

Thanks for your reply. I've never actually worked that out so its interesting to see. I'm technically school based (but wfh mostly) in a consultancy role for a local authority (lots of teams meetings with sencos/appeals etc). I do have some time in schools but I book this myself and would work around drop offs etc so be in the building for say 10am. It is definitely full time and I am paid via the schools budget by the LA so have the holidays etc.
Having seen it written down like that I can see what my other half is saying about having a good balance already. I am in a very niche role and doubt I would find something even remotely similar. Think it is dawning on me that IABU sulking about not being able to have 4 days.

pick up and time is invaluable- I work weekends and two or three days a week- is huge to be able to spend time with them after school, chat about day, do homework, get stuff done without the rush etc etc- a lot of men are all about money and don’t get that

Glad it was helpful.

It really sounds like an incredibly jammy set up on full time pay.

To work full time most would:

• Get at most 5 weeks holiday + bank hols
• Work 37 hours a week with an unpaid lunch break in that working time, so need an 8 hour working day
• have some travel requirements, so need 9 hours child care.

You’re getting every morning, and only missing 40 mins of every afternoon, and all the school holidays. On full time pay.

One adjustment that sounds like could make a big difference to you and your boss might consider if they’re flexible. Could you work later one day and them stay in afterschool club a bit longer so you can do pick up one day a week? Even if you keep booking and paying for club every day so that on weeks your role can’t accommodate that time shuffle you’ve got childcare cover.

Usually drop off at breakfast club around 8. Pick up varies. Two days a week it's after clubs at about 4.30. Two days are around 3.30 to go to Gymnastic/Stagecoach. The other day probably anything between 4-5. Bedtime is technically 8 but really more like 8.30 once stories read etc. I work from about 8.30 until pick up time, maybe do a few calls after that a couple days a week, and then quite often pick it up again around 9-9.30pm for a bit when everyone else is in bed. I'm very lucky that I'm flexible and can usually work from home. I changed my life radically a few years ago to make this possible though. And recently dropped a client as I felt the work - family balance was going the wrong way again.