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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucking fed up with dd being picky.

42 replies

Kittylala · 09/02/2026 16:20

I spent a small fortune on new cook books and ingredients. I admit i'm not a confident cook but i'm fcking fed up. She eats or she doesnt. I'm done.

OP posts:
BlueJuniper94 · 09/02/2026 16:21

Why on earth are you spending money on cookbooks

Keep it simple. What does she eat?

Dartmoorcheffy · 09/02/2026 16:23

What food does she eat and enjoy? How old is she?
You didn't need to spend money on cook books when you can get anything freely online.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/02/2026 16:24

How old is she?

SummerHouse · 09/02/2026 16:25

I have the t-shirt. No suggestions, just pure sympathy. It's soul destroying. We now have about 6 solid options (adapted versions for my two boys, aka jack spratt and his wife). These are on rotation and I only deviate on a good day with no expectations.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 09/02/2026 16:27

Had two very picky eaters. Just stuck to the basics for them for years. Had some staple meals always to hand and if they didn’t like what we were having they could have egg on toast.

They are much improved now in fact rarely have to factor in their preferences anymore. It probably stressed me out more than I remember at the time and it used to drive DH nuts. Looking back I think it’s one of those things we didn’t really need to sweat too much over.

Clefable · 09/02/2026 16:42

Honestly I think you just have to make peace with it. I was a picky kid, I’m now a normal eater, eat most stuff, all that jazz. I think for the majority of picky kids that’s how it ends up and it’s out of our control mostly. So continue making different stuff, serve it alongside something you know she’ll eat and try not to stress about it.

HelloDandy · 09/02/2026 16:46

Just give her what she does like. Keep it simple. I did separate meals for years. What they each liked and what me and DH both liked. I just gave them what they liked. Was a bit annoying at times but preferable to tears, whinging and waste at mealtimes. Thankfully we all eat the same things now and it is much better. It took years and I'm glad I didn't force to eat stuff they didn't like like I was and go hungry.

Pick your battles! Xx

Noshadelamp · 09/02/2026 16:48

Why is she picky? Had she always been Picky?
Picky eaters are often neurodivergent with sensory issues and simply can't help it.

Is it a new thing? Does she have anxiety? Eating difficulties?
If she has an ED she will need support and understanding to eat.

Coconutter24 · 09/02/2026 16:53

Noshadelamp · 09/02/2026 16:48

Why is she picky? Had she always been Picky?
Picky eaters are often neurodivergent with sensory issues and simply can't help it.

Is it a new thing? Does she have anxiety? Eating difficulties?
If she has an ED she will need support and understanding to eat.

Edited

I obviously can’t speak for OPs DD but sometimes kids are just picky, there isn’t a reason, they just are.

OP my 12 year old has always been picky but will eat lots of beige food and all things not good for you, this last 6 months I’ve slightly (not fully) given up as I was fed up with the battle. I just let her eat why she wants now for some meals then others I encourage her to eat what I’ve made

ResusciAnnie · 09/02/2026 16:56

6 months? 6 years? 16? What age are we talking?

My middle child lives off marmite sandwiches and weetabix but he’s growing fine and thriving at school so I try not to stress about it. Write a list of what your DD does eat - if there’s a fruit, a veg, a protein and a carb in there then you’re good. We had to do a food diary for the GP and I was surprised DS’s was one of the better ones she’s seen. You’re probably not doing as bad as you think.

Also I agree with @HelloDandy - I am pro separate meals. I’m currently cooking teriyaki salmon for me and DS1. DS2 and DD are having something different.

Gettingbysomehow · 09/02/2026 17:02

My sister would only eat rice and peas for 5 whole years. It was a nightmare.

Soonenough · 09/02/2026 17:10

I was a fussy eater but then realised my mother was a pretty bad cook. Lots of UPF which were OKish . And all veg boiled to mush and meat or chicken incinerated or dry. She did do a great fry up in no time at all though .
I got so much better as I got older .

User0549533 · 09/02/2026 17:13

Why are you using cookbooks for (presumably) a toddler or very young child?! Just make them buttered noodles, plain rice, pizza, cheese toast etc until they grow out of it. Give fruit and veg sliced separately or blended as smoothies or in whatever form they agree to eat it. The most complex "recipe" you need is just breading and frying small pieces of chicken breast so it resembles a healthier version of nuggets.

Adding more salt, butter or sugar onto something is the only hack you need for getting small kids to eat a bit more. Underripe fruit can be improved with a sprinkling of sugar and/or lemon juice. Salt works on almost any boring carb. Soy sauce is an alternative to salt...some kids prefer the umami flavour. DD prefers eating rice or eggs with soy sauce.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 09/02/2026 17:14
Are You Okay Hilary Duff GIF by YoungerTV

Girl, whats going on?? 😂😂😂

I came ready to sympathise, my autistic dd (6) is refusing lots of food atm, and I’ve had enough

but now I don’t know what to think! - more info please

Ponderingwindow · 09/02/2026 17:19

Good luck with that.

hope your child doesn’t end up losing weight or getting sick. Not all children will eat if they are hungry enough.

HelloDandy · 09/02/2026 17:21

Soonenough

This reminds me of my Mum. Whilst she wasn't a bad cook, she had a habit of butchering spaghetti. She'd mash it with a fork and turn it literally to mush cos "it's easier to eat" 😂 I can laugh about it now but at the time it looked disgusting and I didn't want to eat it and she'd be furious.

StrawberrySquash · 09/02/2026 17:27

How old is she? What sort of cookbooks? General ones or ones to feed kids? (Not that kids can't eat adult foods) Just trying to get a fuller picture.

Is she of an age where you could leaf through the books, pretty low pressure, just looking at the food. Building up to her wanting to try one/ help make one?

SquirrelSoShiny · 09/02/2026 17:34

I have nothing but sympathy for you. The picky eaters in my house have made my life measurably worse for over two decades. I'm so done with it. It has genuinely made my stress levels, enjoyment of food and my health worse. All we ever hear about are the poor dear picky eaters with no recognition of how hard they make life for everyone else.

I have appreciated this space for my rage rant. Solidarity!

Sahara123 · 09/02/2026 17:36

Clefable · 09/02/2026 16:42

Honestly I think you just have to make peace with it. I was a picky kid, I’m now a normal eater, eat most stuff, all that jazz. I think for the majority of picky kids that’s how it ends up and it’s out of our control mostly. So continue making different stuff, serve it alongside something you know she’ll eat and try not to stress about it.

Yes, I agree , I was extremely picky and can remember having food shoved literally into my mouth which I can tell you is definitely not conducive with good eating.
I was talking to my eldest daughter only today about the fact that she was a very picky eater and that eventually into her teens she improved and now will eat almost anything. The one thing she did say was that she felt I never forced her to eat anything, I was quite relaxed and just gave her food I knew she would eat alongside new foods. In her own time she learned that food is in fact delicious and fun, she is a really good cook now too.

Sahara123 · 09/02/2026 17:39

HelloDandy · 09/02/2026 16:46

Just give her what she does like. Keep it simple. I did separate meals for years. What they each liked and what me and DH both liked. I just gave them what they liked. Was a bit annoying at times but preferable to tears, whinging and waste at mealtimes. Thankfully we all eat the same things now and it is much better. It took years and I'm glad I didn't force to eat stuff they didn't like like I was and go hungry.

Pick your battles! Xx

I absolutely agree with this 👍

Ninerainbows · 09/02/2026 17:39

SummerHouse · 09/02/2026 16:25

I have the t-shirt. No suggestions, just pure sympathy. It's soul destroying. We now have about 6 solid options (adapted versions for my two boys, aka jack spratt and his wife). These are on rotation and I only deviate on a good day with no expectations.

Same. He eats some fruit and Weetabix for fibre alongside the five or so meals, I give him vitamins, and I'll wait for him to grow out of it. I don't care what he eats as long as it's something.

Whydontpeopleknow · 09/02/2026 17:42

SquirrelSoShiny · 09/02/2026 17:34

I have nothing but sympathy for you. The picky eaters in my house have made my life measurably worse for over two decades. I'm so done with it. It has genuinely made my stress levels, enjoyment of food and my health worse. All we ever hear about are the poor dear picky eaters with no recognition of how hard they make life for everyone else.

I have appreciated this space for my rage rant. Solidarity!

What food did yours eat?

FuzzyWolf · 09/02/2026 17:45

I think your stressed response will be counterproductive. Let her have control and mealtimes and ensure they are a relaxed time.

Whydontpeopleknow · 09/02/2026 17:47

HelloDandy · 09/02/2026 16:46

Just give her what she does like. Keep it simple. I did separate meals for years. What they each liked and what me and DH both liked. I just gave them what they liked. Was a bit annoying at times but preferable to tears, whinging and waste at mealtimes. Thankfully we all eat the same things now and it is much better. It took years and I'm glad I didn't force to eat stuff they didn't like like I was and go hungry.

Pick your battles! Xx

I agree with this. Mine don't like the same things as each other so everyone just gets / eats food that they like.

I do encourage trying new things but they like what they like for now

I was a picky eater as a child and as an adult I've found I enjoy a lot of the things I didn't enjoy as a child

Original poster
Kittylala · 09/02/2026 18:25

Thank you all so much. Shes 7 and i think she has adhd. She only eats ham sandwiches so i bought cookbooks.
She really is a wonderful kid.

OP posts:
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