Fucking fed up with dd being picky.

[Kittylala]

I spent a small fortune on new cook books and ingredients. I admit i'm not a confident cook but i'm fcking fed up. She eats or she doesnt. I'm done.

I am not ashamed to say that 35 years ago, my son wouldn’t eat anything.

In complete desperation, I dyed mashed potato Thomas the Tank Engine blue.

He ate it. I dyed everything I could, TTTE blue. It wasn’t my finest moment but he’s a strapping 6 footer who eats everything now.

I feel your pain and frustration.

First World daughter. She'll eat it when she's hungry enough.

Unless you've had a truly restricted water, it's hard to understand.
The frustration, the worry, the hope, the time spent making or finding something new, buying ingredients the hope this is the meal that will change it and zilch.
My dd is younger but very similar and loosing weight as she is so restricted in eating. It's hard. I don't have answers.
I'm currently trying food chaining and she always sits with us for dinner but is allowed to serve herself and one item is always 'safe'.

Op there are many wonderful threads on eating tips there was one very recently with wonderful idea.

Main off the top of my head , if possible get her to help make food as much as possible to get her uses to touching and seeing different food even if she doesn't eat

Have her safe food eg the ham sandwich but eat with her and have lots of little tapas style snacks eg some cocktail sausages or chicken satay in a little dish , tom ketchip in another , small bowl grapes or apples and some squirty.cream

Don't push or offer just really enjoy it yourself !

Keep expanding on what she likes so ham and bread always keeping the safe food put some ham on a pancake or mini croque Monsieur...

She likes grapes make a mini kebab with grapes and maybe some water nelso

Make the food small and very visually appealing.

Never ever force do small amounts that don't cost much and you can eat if she doesn't.

Oh I see the poster called it food chaining .

Mine is the same. I have ended up getting a load of min budget food so I always have a load of options in the house. Options that I am prepared to make or that I can freeze

It's stressful and upsetting to have a child that won't (can't) eat.
If your child is ND you need to reframe this as it's not really her choosing this. She's obviously very anxious around food.
My DD (ASD) was also a restricted eater - not as severe as yours, but my advice would be to basically feed her what she will eat - plus multivitamins - and get calories in her any way.
The food chaining is a good way to build confidence and reduce fear of food. Seek help from your GP if you are worried - a pediatrician or nutritionist may be helpful.
Fwiw - my picky eater got much better as she got older. Is still quite rule oriented with food (certain foods at certain times) but is much more willing to try new foods.

I hate MN for things like this, the incredulous ‘why are you using cookbooks?’ I want to answer ‘to get ideas and try to improve her diet you blathering idiots what do you think?’

My DD only ate chilli con carne and homemade pizza for a while; she is a bit better now. She eats everything at nursery!

Foods that are predictable are often easier too - like ham sandwiches - which usually taste the same! My DD didn't like complicated or mixed up food but does like quite strong tasting food, not bland. Umami type flavours have been a breakthrough - she likes soy sauce/garlic/ginger/chilli but would not eat something like a roast dinner (too many textures and wet and soggy) or cottage pie. A recent revelation was that she never touched things like ketchup as she doesn't like hot and cold food together. But hot curry sauce with chips was a winner! Did not expect that.
See if she can articulate what kind of thing she likes.

Knowing how old she is would help. If she's old enough to do her own meals, I'd tell her to crack on and do it.

If she's still too young - make her the simplest possible separate meals.

Shes 7. I admit i threw a tantrum. My mum is a fantastic cook. Im just not. I have to deal with that.

No i didnt

She's a neurodivergent 7 year old. Stop pushing her to eat things she doesn't want to. She's probably got sensory aversion to most food and she can't control that. You CAN help her to widen her range but not by having a tantrum, that will make it so much worse.

Shes 7

At the risk of sounding like one of The Four Yorkshiremen, when my three sons were small we were so poor that there was absolutely no choice but to eat whatever I cooked. Eat, or go hungry...next stop is breakfast.
I have recipes for Stick and Stone Stew, Surprise Meat Pie and my personal favourite Roadkill.
Grinding poverty seemed to preemptively prevent pickiness. Try that.

Ham sandwiches are great, protein and carb, of you can get a few pieces of fruit in she'll live on that grand for a bit. I loved for a fair while on eggs, bread, bananas and kiwi fruit as a child. I eat everything now.

My 4 yr old it's ham sandwiches, scrambled eggs, most fruit, fishcakes, mashed potatoes, some chips. That's literally it. She ate a couple bites of her brothers cheese sandwich today I nearly did a cartwheel.

A friend of the family only liked marmite and thought he would eat other things marmite featured heavily in it. He’s an adult and less fussy now.