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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt by parents

36 replies

Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 13:24

feel hurt - my parents want to spend time with me and my brother + his partner, separately.

so rather than being a family they want to do things seperarely and say it’s because they want individual quality time?

we are all adults with little time due to work, children, commitments, hobbies etc. I can’t understand the logic of parents who wouldn’t want that quality family time and instead separate everyone?

I said I’m really hurt and feel it’s unreasonable. They said I’m being dramatic and there’s no malice in it. AIBU by this logic?

OP posts:
Ella31 · 09/02/2026 13:29

Is it possible they find too many people overwhelming. I know when our family gets together with all the kids, it's mayhem and messy. I can see my parents and pil are visibally tired after

babasaclover · 09/02/2026 13:30

sorry Agree with your parents. Once there are that many people involved you can’t have a proper conversation.

DeQuin · 09/02/2026 13:30

Totally with your parents on this one.

Scribblydoo · 09/02/2026 13:35

Does it have to be all or nothing? Obviously you would like time together as a family, that's perfectly reasonable, and your parents want smaller gatherings, again very reasonable. Can you just say you'd also like some time together with all the family and then organise it

SummerInSun · 09/02/2026 13:41

Can you explain - to yourself even if not to us - why you are hurt by this? As long as your parents are seeing both of you it doesn’t seem unfair? As PP have said, as they get older they may find a lot of people overwhelming, or maybe they worry about whether you both get equal “airtime” when you are all there at the same time. Or maybe your brother is going through some stuff he’d like to discuss with them but not the wider family? Gently, unless there is more that you haven’t explained yet, it’s hard to see why you are so upset?

Wakemeupinapril · 09/02/2026 13:44

Seems fair. When my dc were small and we visited ils, sil was always there with her dc.. Ours never got a look in. It was blatantly obvious who the favourite dc were... I asked if we could see them alone...
We were located 2 visits a week @a hour each.
Ils basically raised sil's dc..
All 6 of them.

Original poster
Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 13:44

@SummerInSun - there’s 2 of us siblings and one partner. Only I have a child and they are with their dad at weekends. So for me it doesn’t seem too much for 5 adults to be together on the weekends?

OP posts:
ColdAsAWitches · 09/02/2026 13:47

They have said that they want to spend quality time with you. I really can't see how you could possibly be hurt by this!

IamSmarticus · 09/02/2026 13:48

I dont see your issue - why do you only want to see your parents if your brother is there too? Can't you see them separately?

Brefugee · 09/02/2026 13:50

I sometimes do this with my adult DC, there is nothing more to it than that. You can give one DC your undivided attention and there is nothing wrong with that.

Skybluepinky · 09/02/2026 13:57

They obviously can’t deal with you all at once, no idea why you think they should.

pinkdelight · 09/02/2026 13:58

So for me it doesn’t seem too much for 5 adults to be together on the weekends

That's how it seems for you but at least 2 of the others find it too much and maybe the other two agree. The fact that you're hurt by this does seem a bit dramatic and is maybe why they (and/or the sibling and partner) find it too much. all spending their weekends with you. It sounds like you want them for company while your DC is with their dad, so maybe better not to look to them for that and line up other things to do, then this won't be such a big deal. Seeing your parents without a sibling and partner in tow is totally normal. Presumably you can see your sibling separately too when you please.

OriginalSkang · 09/02/2026 14:00

How do you get on with your brother and his partner?

TaraC25 · 09/02/2026 14:01

Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 13:44

@SummerInSun - there’s 2 of us siblings and one partner. Only I have a child and they are with their dad at weekends. So for me it doesn’t seem too much for 5 adults to be together on the weekends?

This explains it more.

I presume you're feeling left out/excluded and that's not a nice feeling.

Are you able to plan something yourself that includes everyone.

I can totally understand why you'd feel crappy if you're alone some weekends and have found out they're all having a jolly time together... Loneliness can be a really uncomfortable part of single parenting ☹️

somanychristmaslights · 09/02/2026 14:05

You’re way over thinking this. Me and DH don’t get together with our siblings often with our parents.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2026 14:06

you can surely realise that it is entirely up to them how they invite you all when they host?!? I can’t even get how you would be upset by someone doing something a different way to you. It’s incredibly self absorbed. If you want all 5 of you to do something together, then you host surely?

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2026 14:09

Is the issue that you don’t have anything to do otherwise with your weekends if you don’t see them? I would fix that first, rather than relying on other people to entertain you, then getting upset when they don’t entertain you how you want.

canisquaeso · 09/02/2026 14:15

Do you and your brother get along? Any strain or bickering?

StickerGirl · 09/02/2026 14:16

Do you all get along well?

Do you mean your child would never be there when you all meet?

Does your brother and his partner have a good relationship with your child? Are they “child” people?

wishfulthinking25 · 09/02/2026 14:17

My dad’s parents were / are like this. 4 brothers (including my dad) and 7 grandchildren and we could never do something all as a family. It had to be individual families. The only time we were all together was my grandad’s funeral. I still find it so so strange and I barely have a relationship with GM now.

Jellybunny56 · 09/02/2026 14:23

I think its fair enough really, they aren’t saying they don’t want to see you, just that they’ll see you both separately

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 14:26

Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 13:44

@SummerInSun - there’s 2 of us siblings and one partner. Only I have a child and they are with their dad at weekends. So for me it doesn’t seem too much for 5 adults to be together on the weekends?

Its not up to you to determine the impact on them. They have a reason they have requested it

Rictasmorticia · 09/02/2026 14:29

Do you see your sibling alone or only at your parents. Maybe that feel that the interaction between the two of you excludes than a bit.

ERthree · 09/02/2026 15:01

Your parents have two adult children that they want to spend time with. Is your brother peeved because they want to spend time with you without him being there ? I bet not.

Original poster
Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 15:20

Thanks for your comments - re myself and plans - my weekends are filled with plans, usually either work or catching up with friends on the weekends I’m not rota’d to work. That’s the only reason I find it strange - if it was a weekly thing where we all got together I would get it, but to not want to spend time as a family altogether once every few months just seems odd to me.

OP posts:
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