Other People's Parenting

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 2026-02-09T13:23:27+00:00

AIBU to think what the fuck are some parents on and to wish I could raise my kids in a bubble???! Of course I know I'm being unreasonable but am clearing out my DC (11yrs) room as they want their room to be like their mates with just gaming shit in, and packing up all their old (some not even old) books and toys and stuff and wishing I could keep them under my own influence for longer.... Practically all his friends do is game and go on devices. Literally. Not one of his friendship group of 5-6 kids has a) time restrictions on devices (so are allowed to play as long as they like and right up till bedtime) and b) have content restrictions - are all bar one allowed free access to YouTube, WhatsApp, Snapchat and tiktok. To make matters worse my son's latest bestie has an older brother and he now has knowledge of a whole dictionary of expressions and words that he shouldn't have at age, and has decided he doesn't want to continue with scooter/skateboard but wants to learn to box. And talking on the school run about how he couldn't wait to get home to game. He has always been active but I could always get him into reading a book alongside me on the sofa or at bedtime, or play a boardgame, or come to the skatepark (granted wrong time of year for that one so I can still hope) but now especially due to this new mate he just seems to want to be a mindless teen! Not to mention if he goes over his house after school they get taken for fast food for a snack (normally just a treat for us) and can play GTA 5 🙈 Don't get me wrong I'm not giving in to the TV in the room, Snapchat, etc of course but I just wish he still Wanted to have the other stuff! Parents who've experienced similar - please help me with strategies, even if just coping ones! 🙏

rainbowunicorn22 · 09/02/2026 13:34

its sad, but unfortunately, kids are like sheep and follow each other. If they dont they become the loner and the unpopular one in class.
The best you can do is restrict what you do not want seen and impose your own time limits. Perhaps you can mention to the parents of his friends that you are not keen on him playing/going on certain things.

Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 09/02/2026 13:37

Thank you for your reply yes I know I'm right and have to just keep suggesting fun healthy age appropriate activities but I feel like I'm widdling in the wind 😆

Have to go to work now but will be back to hopefully more help!!

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PineappleMelon · 09/02/2026 13:41

I agree with you.

Try to expand his horizons still, don’t give in. Something might stick. If you can afford it do a taster of more extreme hobbies; dry slope skiing, rock climbing, etc. Might be more inviting than reading at this stage.

LoveSandbanks · 09/02/2026 13:44

Absolutely no way would I be allowing my 11 year old to play gta 5.

My youngest played gta at a neighbours when he was about 15 and I wasn’t happy about that. In the end I left it all that I didn’t want him to play it but I wasn’t going to stop him going to his friends house. I’m not naive enough to think he wouldn’t but I didn’t want him to think I condoned it.

Mishmosher · 09/02/2026 13:46

i don’t like gaming. I have never let a games console in the house. My kids have happy lives still and lots of friends. Lay down your own boundaries, don’t live by other people’s sloppy parenting.

Leopardspota · 09/02/2026 13:47

Keep your own boundaries.
Turn off WiFi if necessary.
Do not allow him to a house where the parents allow gta.

ChocolateHobbit · 09/02/2026 13:47

Yes, it's a difficult one. Unfortunately there are many parents who want an easier life and their kids out of the way so allow them to do whatever they like, thinking 'it won't happen to them'. This ends up as a problem for other parents who do have boundaries.

I think it's a case of compromise. You don't want them losing friends but you also want to keep them safe. So allow them some stuff but not others, and set time limits rather than stop them completely.

FancyCatSlave · 09/02/2026 13:49

You aren’t wrong, but I’m amazed you know exactly how other people are parenting. Have they actually told you this directly or is it what the kids say? Because kids that age will say any old shite and it doesn’t make it true.

i heard neighbours child proclaiming loudly to my much younger DD about all the things he is allowed to do. All a work of fiction.

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/02/2026 13:51

What's wrong with boxing? Seems to be exactly the kind of thing that you want him to be doing.......

I would strongly encourage it. You don't want him turning into a kid who only games, pretty much a bag of mayonnaise.

3WildOnes · 09/02/2026 13:58

I really encouraged mine to be friends with children whose parents had similar values to mine.
Families who all eat together in the evening. No smart phones before secondary and then only with restrictions. No screens in bedrooms. Etc.
I encouraged lots of hobbies too.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 09/02/2026 14:00

You are not BU. If it's true then that is shit parenting.

It's really sad that gaming / being online is stopping children from living fuller lives and that parents are stupid or lazy enough to let it happen.

Stick to your guns - can you encourage your DC to invite their mates to yours rather than the other way around?

I'm quite strict on screens but I know people who've allowed them unlimited AS LONG as their DC do sports, homework, hobbies, outdoors time too. I think that's fair enough.

Is he at secondary yet? If not that might be an opportunity to widen horizons.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 09/02/2026 14:01

3WildOnes · 09/02/2026 13:58

I really encouraged mine to be friends with children whose parents had similar values to mine.
Families who all eat together in the evening. No smart phones before secondary and then only with restrictions. No screens in bedrooms. Etc.
I encouraged lots of hobbies too.

You can encourage, but you cannot control.

Rowley456 · 09/02/2026 14:11

Can I ask what your issue is with him wanting to learn boxing?

Plinketyplonks · 09/02/2026 14:22

I know what you mean, there is so much more to the world. I think it depends on their friendship circle. I have an 11 yr old boy. He has two groups of friends, one of four (and then him) and the other is a three (and then him). Of the four none have a phone. My son isn’t allowed YouTube unless it’s on the only TV we have in the sitting room and one of us is around and then it’s only for 20 mins. They mainly seem to play Zelda or Fortnite. Of the group of three, two have brick phones/what they call a house phone basically for calling their parents when out of the house. The other has a proper smartphone.

he is still busy with scouts, football, swimming. He meets his friends at the pool or town’s football pitch. We bake together sometimes and he does drawing videos.

About 8 months ago he was desperate for pocket money and we’ve tied it into reading with us once a week, learning chess with his dad once a week and doing lengths at the pool with me once a week. He seems to be enjoying it. Can you try bribing yours with anything like that because I’ve found now it’s a habit and if we forget or are too busy my son says ‘but we didn’t read together this week.’ Etc

DaffyDuckz · 09/02/2026 14:31

I think unlimited access to those apps is madness BUT I also think it’s naive to think most older siblings are going to protect their younger siblings from inappropriate content. Or that your dc will not want to be heavily involved in gaming (addictive and SO much fun).

Your job is to create the counterbalance. The real life opportunities that distract her from her online life. My older dc likes martial arts, SUP and kayaking in summer, DofE, looking after her pets. And recently reading smutty romantasies (no, I don’t approve but it’s better thank TikTok … probably).

Mishmosher · 09/02/2026 14:47

Rowley456 · 09/02/2026 14:11

Can I ask what your issue is with him wanting to learn boxing?

Boxing is basically just beating people up. There’s nothing good in encouraging violence. It’s grim. I think it’s ludicrous that it’s an Olympic sport.

Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 11/02/2026 10:21

Sorry I've not been back, but a wholehearted Thank you to everyone who commented on this. A few replies in case anyone is still following...

General reply to a couple of people who said about restrictions and sticking to my guns: I definitely do! My gripe was more at the fact that I have to - I cannot understand why people Do let their little ones (cos they are still so little) have the freedom they do?! I bet most of them wish they could spend less time time wasting on devices so why let their kids, who've even less self discipline?? I have actually said to my kids they shouldn't be asking Me why I won't let them have these things but more should be asking themselves why on earth their friends parents Do let them have access to these things 🤔 I think it does sink in a bit (I have been known to read aloud articles on the negative impact of too much refined sugar, tiktok, Snapchat, etc on young people til they've had enough 😂) but the comparison is still there and I know that given an option they'd still choose the devices, the chocolate/fast food everyday, etc... ☹️

That's what I struggle with the most, almost like their childhood has been taken from them prematurely?! Daft, I know, as they have to grow up eventually, it's just that I don't want them to default transition to devices!

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Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 11/02/2026 10:23

LoveSandbanks · 09/02/2026 13:44

Absolutely no way would I be allowing my 11 year old to play gta 5.

My youngest played gta at a neighbours when he was about 15 and I wasn’t happy about that. In the end I left it all that I didn’t want him to play it but I wasn’t going to stop him going to his friends house. I’m not naive enough to think he wouldn’t but I didn’t want him to think I condoned it.

This is the issue isn't it?! We have said no to visiting his mate's house midweek as hard to get him home in time for dinner before he's eaten a load of crap, but there's also the issue of how do we stop them playing inappropriate games without openly criticising the parents 🙈

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Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 11/02/2026 10:27

FancyCatSlave · 09/02/2026 13:49

You aren’t wrong, but I’m amazed you know exactly how other people are parenting. Have they actually told you this directly or is it what the kids say? Because kids that age will say any old shite and it doesn’t make it true.

i heard neighbours child proclaiming loudly to my much younger DD about all the things he is allowed to do. All a work of fiction.

I have seen my child on video calls with their mates in their rooms, gaming... Often in bed 🙈 also seen the tiktok channel (!?) of another friend, who's been told by his dad that as long as he uses filters on his face - guessing his attempt at safe-guarding?! - he's ok with....

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Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 11/02/2026 10:29

Rowley456 · 09/02/2026 14:11

Can I ask what your issue is with him wanting to learn boxing?

As the other person above has said? It does basically feel like organised violence and beating people up!? I've also read how long term boxing/contact sports is a major factor in early onset dementia......

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Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 11/02/2026 10:31

DaffyDuckz · 09/02/2026 14:31

I think unlimited access to those apps is madness BUT I also think it’s naive to think most older siblings are going to protect their younger siblings from inappropriate content. Or that your dc will not want to be heavily involved in gaming (addictive and SO much fun).

Your job is to create the counterbalance. The real life opportunities that distract her from her online life. My older dc likes martial arts, SUP and kayaking in summer, DofE, looking after her pets. And recently reading smutty romantasies (no, I don’t approve but it’s better thank TikTok … probably).

I agree with this and this what I am trying to do (although guessing from the ref to smutty romance - used to love a Jilly Cooper in my own teen years😆 - your DC isn't 11 😂

Thank you 🙏

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Original poster

PleeeeaseMakeitstop · 11/02/2026 10:33

Plinketyplonks · 09/02/2026 14:22

I know what you mean, there is so much more to the world. I think it depends on their friendship circle. I have an 11 yr old boy. He has two groups of friends, one of four (and then him) and the other is a three (and then him). Of the four none have a phone. My son isn’t allowed YouTube unless it’s on the only TV we have in the sitting room and one of us is around and then it’s only for 20 mins. They mainly seem to play Zelda or Fortnite. Of the group of three, two have brick phones/what they call a house phone basically for calling their parents when out of the house. The other has a proper smartphone.

he is still busy with scouts, football, swimming. He meets his friends at the pool or town’s football pitch. We bake together sometimes and he does drawing videos.

About 8 months ago he was desperate for pocket money and we’ve tied it into reading with us once a week, learning chess with his dad once a week and doing lengths at the pool with me once a week. He seems to be enjoying it. Can you try bribing yours with anything like that because I’ve found now it’s a habit and if we forget or are too busy my son says ‘but we didn’t read together this week.’ Etc

Having spoken to DP this is what we will try. They already have pocket money but I don't allow them to spend it on gaming tokens (robux/vbux or whatever) but I think I will start exchanging them for it!!
Thank you 🙏

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Parentingconfusing · 11/02/2026 10:37

I really feel for those with kids a bit older (my eldest is 4)

Our parent year in this area have really gone hard on this. People have signed declarations in nursery & reception years to agree that they will not give a smartphone until X date.

We are not even a well to do area. This is an average working class (many would say lower class) area.

I know you might feel alone and I understand you don’t want your son left out. But do know you aren’t alone, you’re just a few flipping years out!

That’s very annoying. I would be pissed. But I really do feel like the newer cohorts of parents are trying to tackle this. When your kid grows up those years will simmer away and it’s not going to be unusual anymore for having not been allowed these things.

So don’t do it! Just say no. If he wants to remove everything from his bedroom so be it - he can do it. But you aren’t buying a game console for his bedroom!

Parentingconfusing · 11/02/2026 10:43

And btw I am not against gaming on principle. Studies have shown that millennials who first played games actually have an increase in brain function from doing so.

The difference is the games we used to play were linear, instant death and restart games, with little guidance - you just had to figure it out, and try again and again and again and again.

Most games now are not set up like that. You die, you respawn in place. Levels are subsectioned so dramatically that there’s little resistance to progression in the game and resilience and brain pathways aren’t laid in the same way. The logic and problem solving is also gone as games are much easier with hints and helping you through it.

So maybe some research into the types of games you will get for him would be a good prep for when you do get a console.

Laserwho · 11/02/2026 11:16

The problem isn't the other parents. The problem is you need to set the boundaries for your own children.