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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and hobby

40 replies

anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 10:45

NC for this! Ok, so I'm perfectly willing to be told IABU (genuinely!) because I honestly can't figure out if I am or not?!

Me and DH both earn decent (similar) salaries which go into our joint account and covers all bills, food, fuel etc. All holidays, presents etc come out of this account too. No issues on this front and has been like this since day one.

DH has a hobby which he makes a bit of money from. This goes into his own bank account as he likes to keep this separate so he can manage it better. And essentially anything going in and out of this account is entirely hobby related. Again, all fine.

He has only just picked hobby up again the last few weeks as he has been ridiculously busy with work and not had much free time. He didn't have any money in his account as he'd spent it over Christmas so he used our joint account to buy supplies which was agreed, however I suppose I assumed that when he earned money back that he would pay it into our joint account to cover what he'd spent.

I mentioned it at weekend as I hadn't seen any money coming in and he said he's had the money coming into his bank account as normal. I asked if he was going to transfer any to the joint account to cover the expense and he seemed massively put out to be asked and said I was being petty.

He said he wants to build a little hobby pot again and what difference does it make when we have more than enough to cover running the house etc. He says if ever we needed money he would ensure he worked hard enough / earned more (which is true) to cover what we need and that I should cut him some slack.

Is he right? Am I right?! Or am I (as I suspect) irritable and hormonal at the moment and making a mountain out of a molehill 😂

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 09/02/2026 10:48

Well, presumably you can also use the joint account for your hobbies? Unless we’re talking thousands, I really think this isn’t worth worrying about.

sundayvibeswig22 · 09/02/2026 10:51

Depends really. Do you use money from joint account for hair cuts, beauty treatments or whatever you’re interested in?
I’m really glad dh and I have separate accounts though as I couldn’t deal with my spending being scrutinised.

renovationqueen · 09/02/2026 10:51

I don't think YABU but it really depends how much it is and whether you spend anything out of the joint account for your hobbies.

ETA - I actually do think he should transfer the money back in

FiftyShadesOfPurple · 09/02/2026 10:52

For me it would depend on how much the restock had cost - if it was a small amount, I wouldn't be bothered. If it was enough that I was thinking 'I could have bought X that I wanted with that amount' then I'd expect it to be repaid.

I wonder if, in the future, it would make more sense for each of you to have an equal personal spending amount that was paid into accounts in your own name - you could transfer it monthly from your joint account.

I don't do joint accounts at all - husband and I keep them separate - and it would annoy me if my personal spending was monitored.

beefthief · 09/02/2026 10:53

How much money and how much impact does it have on your life?

Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 10:56

Ok thank you so far!

In terms of spending being monitored, it definitely isn't. DH said to me "I'm going to use the joint account to buy some supplies" a few weeks ago. As I said, it's always been kept separate so I've never really known what he's spent / earned on it.

In terms of hobbies and other spending, yes we both use the joint account for everything else however this is different as it is done to earn money from. Not just for enjoyment. Previously he's only ever spent what he has made as he never wants to be out of pocket with it.

OP posts:
JoyOfSpecs · 09/02/2026 10:59

If everything else is shared and equal why does he need a separate account for this? Why does this little bit need to be managed 'better'?

Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:01

JoyOfSpecs · 09/02/2026 10:59

If everything else is shared and equal why does he need a separate account for this? Why does this little bit need to be managed 'better'?

Basically because he has only ever spent what he has earned from it. So if he was doing it from the joint account it would be harder to keep track of as all other money is going in and out of there too.

I suppose it's similar to having a personal and business bank account.

OP posts:
Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:02

beefthief · 09/02/2026 10:53

How much money and how much impact does it have on your life?

A couple of hundred and probably not much, hence why I said I was happy to be told I was being unreasonable!

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 09/02/2026 11:03

Personally unless you are talking thousands or money that you need to cover bills I think you are being petty. I don’t think I would begrudge my husband spending some of our joint money on his hobby even if the hobby makes him money. If he is otherwise contributing to bills and expenses then what is the issue? You are both earning and contributing to your household, does everything always have to be transactional in that way? Does he do the same to you? I think I would find it difficult to get past it if my husband was asking me to “refund” money I have used on myself.

Endofyear · 09/02/2026 11:06

As a one off, I would let it go if its not a massive amount. Most people spend money on their hobbies and don't make money from them!

InterestedDad37 · 09/02/2026 11:07

Yes, he should put it back in.

JoyOfSpecs · 09/02/2026 11:08

So if he's only ever spent what he's earned and keeps it separate like a business account he needs to pay back what he's borrowed.

Probably petty, probably not at all necessary, but it would be in the spirit of the reasons behind keeping the money separate.

The entire system, the reasons behind it and the fall out over it all seem a bit odd, anal and faffy to the outside eye.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/02/2026 11:08

On the face of it, I'd say you are being unreasonable. But one question, is it gambling related? For instance, does he play poker?

If so, that'd make a difference for me.

ChocolateHobbit · 09/02/2026 11:11

It depends. Is there enough money for you to buy what you want?

Personally this is why my husband and I have separate spending accounts.

FlowersInPots · 09/02/2026 11:13

Maybe you should agree that you both get a set amount of ‘fun money’ and he can use that for his hobby? That’s what we do.
DH uses his to make some money (he buys and sells things plus pays little bets on 1 sport). The money he makes is his.
I tend to save mine then randomly splurge on a trip or something.

This way there’s no resentment at all.

Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:13

Oh god no not gambling!

It's a genuine hobby. He basically buys items that are run down / broken and repairs them.

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 09/02/2026 11:17

The principal of this would annoy me.

His actions are demonstrating that he believes what’s earned jointly is his and what he earns from his hobby is also his. But all your earnings are joint funds.

That value seems negligible in your situation, so in the grand scheme of things doesn’t seem to “matter”, but yes, him not repaying what he “owed” would niggle.

Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:19

JoyOfSpecs · 09/02/2026 11:08

So if he's only ever spent what he's earned and keeps it separate like a business account he needs to pay back what he's borrowed.

Probably petty, probably not at all necessary, but it would be in the spirit of the reasons behind keeping the money separate.

The entire system, the reasons behind it and the fall out over it all seem a bit odd, anal and faffy to the outside eye.

The entire system, the reasons behind it and the fall out over it all seem a bit odd, anal and faffy to the outside eye.

😂We haven't fallen out at all. It was a 2 minute conversation and then this morning I was pondering whether I was being an arsehole.

And I am absolutely odd, anal and faffy!

I'm off work this week so probably got too much time on my hands 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:29

FlowersInPots · 09/02/2026 11:13

Maybe you should agree that you both get a set amount of ‘fun money’ and he can use that for his hobby? That’s what we do.
DH uses his to make some money (he buys and sells things plus pays little bets on 1 sport). The money he makes is his.
I tend to save mine then randomly splurge on a trip or something.

This way there’s no resentment at all.

Ok you sound in a similar position to us and this is a good suggestion. Thank you 😊

OP posts:
ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 09/02/2026 11:30

He either keeps his "hobby" money separate, or he doesn't.
If he's trying, for example, to determine whether his hobby could ever become a reliable source of income, then borrowing money but not paying it back will give him a false sense of his income.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/02/2026 11:35

anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:02

A couple of hundred and probably not much, hence why I said I was happy to be told I was being unreasonable!

Show quote history

Unless it means you can't pay your mortgage or something, I really wouldn't be getting worked up about a couple of hundred quid from the joint account for something he makes a small amount of money from.

Original poster
anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:36

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 09/02/2026 11:30

He either keeps his "hobby" money separate, or he doesn't.
If he's trying, for example, to determine whether his hobby could ever become a reliable source of income, then borrowing money but not paying it back will give him a false sense of his income.

Oh no he's done this for years. He definitely isn't trying or wanting to make an income from it.

He literally earns back what he's spent (plus maybe a few quid more) so it is genuinely just a hobby.

OP posts:
ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 09/02/2026 11:42

anothermoneyone · 09/02/2026 11:36

Oh no he's done this for years. He definitely isn't trying or wanting to make an income from it.

He literally earns back what he's spent (plus maybe a few quid more) so it is genuinely just a hobby.

Show quote history

Well I'm baffled about his definition of "separate". Why not just use the joint account then?
I voted YANBU.

NewYearNewMee · 09/02/2026 11:43

What did he spend his hobby earnings on over Christmas?