DH and hobby

[anothermoneyone]

NC for this! Ok, so I'm perfectly willing to be told IABU (genuinely!) because I honestly can't figure out if I am or not?!

Me and DH both earn decent (similar) salaries which go into our joint account and covers all bills, food, fuel etc. All holidays, presents etc come out of this account too. No issues on this front and has been like this since day one.

DH has a hobby which he makes a bit of money from. This goes into his own bank account as he likes to keep this separate so he can manage it better. And essentially anything going in and out of this account is entirely hobby related. Again, all fine.

He has only just picked hobby up again the last few weeks as he has been ridiculously busy with work and not had much free time. He didn't have any money in his account as he'd spent it over Christmas so he used our joint account to buy supplies which was agreed, however I suppose I assumed that when he earned money back that he would pay it into our joint account to cover what he'd spent.

I mentioned it at weekend as I hadn't seen any money coming in and he said he's had the money coming into his bank account as normal. I asked if he was going to transfer any to the joint account to cover the expense and he seemed massively put out to be asked and said I was being petty.

He said he wants to build a little hobby pot again and what difference does it make when we have more than enough to cover running the house etc. He says if ever we needed money he would ensure he worked hard enough / earned more (which is true) to cover what we need and that I should cut him some slack.

Is he right? Am I right?! Or am I (as I suspect) irritable and hormonal at the moment and making a mountain out of a molehill 😂

So he pays for items out of the joint account

keeps the profits in his own account?

presumably given he earns separately he does tax returns for this so how does he monitor what he is spending as well? Or isn’t he declaring it

i agree with having a separate account for tax reasons but he needs to have all expenses come out of it as well?

If you both use your joint account for personal things, I expect, in the long run you spend more than him on things just for you - haircuts, beauty products, nice sweet treats etc. So maybe your items add up to more and it's just he's taken £200 as a lump sum rather than dribs and drabs.

YABU to blame your hormones.

If he hadn't done the hobby for a while, and his hobby account was empty, and you have all shared finances besides this, then he had to use that money to get started again. Do you have any hobbies that costs money? I'm guessing these will also come out of the joint account, and might not be self-funding i.e. rock climbing won't earn back any money paid on it. If this money truly won't lead to you having to cut anything back, and its a one off as it will become self funding again after this amount, I'd turn a blind eye. I'd only start to care if it became a regular expense and started to impact other spending.

Thank you - and you're absolutely right 😊

Well it was kind of light-hearted but also true... Sometimes things that wouldn't normally bother me irritate me hugely and I can usually attribute it to PMS!

I cannot see why he woudln't just transfer it back, when you asked him to.

It's basically a miniature business with very low profits, and if he wants it seperate, it's seperate.

@anothermoneyone , it seems that MNers blame everything on their hormones.
'My DH/DP never does anything with the DC, contributes nothing towards the rent or bills, gives me the silent treatment for weeks if I ask him to put his dirty underpants in the laundry basket. Is he an arse or is it my hormones?'

It seems petty and controlling to me, op.

One of my girlfriends (who has contributed equally to a joint very successful business) uses the following strategy. Whatever her DH spends on his various costly hobbies, she spends an equal amount on herself. He knows she will do this, so he thinks carefully about his hobby spends! Result.

I can see both sides but it just seems a little off to keep his hobby money separate so only he can spend it but happy to top up his separate money from joint funds.

If you get hobby spends from the joint account too then it's much less of an issue.

I do think it often works well to each have some separate fun money from the joint income, kept separate too so no tabs on spending and retains the ability to buy surprise gifts for each other.

I don’t think it is petty. You have both gone with the idea that this is a separate hobby for him and that’s fine however it has now not self funded.

He should have offered to pay the money back. It does smack of his money being his own and your joint money being his own too. I would want a further conversation about it.

I have to say YABU.
Both of you earn the same so there is no “power imbalance” so to say but even though you both pool your money together to live from, both of you earn money and have the freedom to make your own purchases. It’s a nice courtesy to let the other person know / consult them which he has done but he can spend what he earns on little extras in life just as much as you can.

As a decent person he should pay back that money into your joint account. As a matter of principle and integrity

Tell him that.

Make sure he does not do that again. As you will become a cheap source to borrow money from. Also how do you know what he spent the money on?

Keep your joint finances monitored at all times.

💰🗝️👍

Yes he should be putting the money back in your joint account or you take out the same amount & treat yourself so it evens it up. It's his hobby so he should be paying for supplies from his own account.