Money for birthdays/Christmas... but hate shopping

[shoppingblah]

And moreover, I have no idea what to get?!

I am in a weird situation where people have very kindly given me money for Christmas/birthdays. I don't like shopping, but I would make myself go, but I have young children and no time to go shopping properly (i.e. on my own). So if I ever need anything I order it online or grab it quickly in a supermarket. Hence my wardrobe is made up of... crap, or very basic functional stuff.

I feel frustrated about getting money as a gift, albeit I know of course it's very generous and they could just not bother! I think I'm just frustrated at myself - I have historically just spent the Christmas/birthday money on gas and electric 🤣 I'm determined not to do that now, as I could do with getting some nice things. Maybe. I have no idea what though!!

AIBU in feeling a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place? Even though I know it's my own fault? And further - what would you get??

You could always order online?

I don't like shopping either so any cash I recieve as a gift goes into an envelope and I am just saving it until there is something I really want. I forget about it most of the time so it is always a nice surprise when I rediscover it.

Like PP suggests - treat yourself to some online shopping. It's tricky getting the time to get to the shops when you have young children. ..

Are there gaps in your wardrobe that you'd like to fill? How much is your birthday stash?

Alternatively I'd get one nice thing e.g a lovely coat, boots or handbag with it all - rather than lots of cheaper items.

Don't feel in a rush to spend it - take the time to get something you'd really like.

And maybe move it into a separate account (or take it out in cash) so you won't be tempted to spend it on bills!

Just put the money in a separate purse / wallet / envelope and you have it ready for when you fancy treating yourself to something but are hesitating to use the family budget.
You don't need to go out to specifically spend it within a certain number of days.

I used to use money to go out to a gig or a show at the theatre for example, which we couldn't really afford as a family when my dc were young - but you could use it for whatever is a treat for you as and when you have the time or opportunity. Don't "go on a shopping trip" just to use it up, especially as you hate shopping - where's the pleasure in that ?

Agree with saving it until you decide you want to buy/do something. I never understand why people say 'have money must spend it now' or 'if I don't buy something now, I'll spend it on something boring for the house'.

Don't you have a savings account of personal spending money for things you want? If not, open one now and put the money in, and next time you think 'I'd like to buy/do that', then you have the money for it.

And if you do want nice clothes and no opportunity to buy them, then unless you're a widow with no family support, look at how you can make time to go shopping or whatever else you choose to do.

The trouble with cash is it doesn't covert to online spending. £100 in an envelope does not always = £100 to spend online.

It's a pita tbh. It sounds very callous and ungrateful to say 'i'd prefer a bank transfer please', but in truth, wouldn't it be easier for everyone if that was the case.

just pay it into the bank

Or you can just spend the £100 on groceries or petrol and transfer the £100 not spent on those items into a separate account.

Huh?

I’d be cross if I gave someone money and it ended up going on the electric bill . It’s for a gift , a treat , not household bills . OP just go to the high street and buy something you love .

If you give money, it’s up to them, imo.

It can be extremely difficult to choose clothing items for other people, especially if they are in a very different age group.

(You end up getting into a ridiculous guessing game about what they’d like, asking people close to them who also get it wrong.

Why don't you go to JL and get the advice of a personal shopper? You could get advice on a staple wardrobe and buy some of the pieces and save up for the rest

Or get your colours done, with your gifted money?

I am confused by this.

Why would you lose money? Just pay for something you usually use your card for with cash, and make a mental note you have £100 to spend on a gift. Or transfer £100 into a spare bank account or savings account if you have a fast access one

Forgot to answer main point made by OP!

You don't have to physically go shopping. Shop online. Many shops allow free returns so you can order lots of things to try on/different styles/sizes and then send back what you don't like and get a refund.

Book a nice experience like a spa visit and your partner can look after the children. You then get a nice treatment, and some child free time to relax

I would probably buy adult Lego though. You can enjoy it when the children are in bed, and it will be a nice ornament when finished. There are lovely botanical ones.

does it have to be clothes?
i bought a duvet cover with a gift card
could you buy books?
a plant?

I would just take a couple of weeks adding stuff to a shopping basket on JL or M&S site and then order and try on at home. I never go clothes shopping anymore. If in doubt, buy a pair of trainers of a bag that you love.

Are you planning a holiday anywhere this year, if so save the money and use it for "spends" then.

If it's clothes you want to spend the money on then in some ways online shopping once the kids are in bed is easier anyway. Unless you live near a big city with lots of shops you will find a better range and more in stock online.

Also if you have a partner can they not look after the children one Saturday for you to go to the shops if that is what you want to do? You say you always have children with you - is there no one that can look after then for at least an afternoon for you? Could that not be part of a gift?

Can people not read?

The OP has already said she orders online - but, strangely, for her this seems to have resulted in owning a wardrobe full of crap, or very basic stuff.

@shoppingblah you are doing online shopping wrong. Since around 2010 I’ve bought probably 90% of my clothes online and my wardrobe is close to breathtaking. Every single thing is beautiful, and of exemplary quality.

But I can’t say what I’d get in your position as you haven’t said how much you have to spend, or what sort of clothes you need, or want.

Yeah, I get it.
I don't know what i want, and noone else knows what I want, so they give cash. But I don't go clothes shopping unless essential, don't want candles/cosmetics/handbags/shoes. So the cash just sits there. But equally, when my lovely MiL trys buying me something, that usually sits in the drawer as its just so not me.

We basically need to change our inbuilt shopping desires. Its fascinated reading all the messages saying "keep it til there us something you want" missing the fact there is very rarely sonething you want.

I don't understand what the £100 cash isn't the same as £100 online thing means?
@ColinOfficeTrolley what do you mean?

Thanks for all the replies! Sorry I forgot to say the amount, I have about £400 to spend now. I tend to feel guilty buying for myself even if it's gifted money, but I wouldn't feel guilty accepting a gift. I know that's a me issue!
I have people who could look after the kids with some notice. It would still be daunting though, I wouldn't know where to start. I like the idea of a personal shopper appointment but I don't know if I have enough money for that? I don't know what colours done means. I also like the idea of getting one amazing thing, I have been looking at Rain Sisters coats and that would be lovely. But I find it hard to justify the cost for just one thing for myself when that money could e.g. buy a weekend away for the whole family! But then if I do that it isn't really a gift for me any more. Oh I don't know what to do!

what about a trip out, with that money?
theatre?
i never know what i want or need when asked,
end up buying something that i keep for best

Pay it into your account and forget about it until you spot something you fancy buying. You can pay cash in at a Post Office for most bank accounts, which helps when time and opportunity is limited to get to a bank branch during their opening hours.

@shoppingblah do you actually want to buy clothes?
I can think of a 1000 things I could buy with £400 and none of it is clothes.