Money for birthdays/Christmas... but hate shopping

[shoppingblah]

And moreover, I have no idea what to get?!

I am in a weird situation where people have very kindly given me money for Christmas/birthdays. I don't like shopping, but I would make myself go, but I have young children and no time to go shopping properly (i.e. on my own). So if I ever need anything I order it online or grab it quickly in a supermarket. Hence my wardrobe is made up of... crap, or very basic functional stuff.

I feel frustrated about getting money as a gift, albeit I know of course it's very generous and they could just not bother! I think I'm just frustrated at myself - I have historically just spent the Christmas/birthday money on gas and electric 🤣 I'm determined not to do that now, as I could do with getting some nice things. Maybe. I have no idea what though!!

AIBU in feeling a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place? Even though I know it's my own fault? And further - what would you get??

@Needmorelego I suppose it depends whether the OP feels that having better clothes would make a significant difference to her life?

I’m inclined to think that someone who struggles to justify spending money on themselves, as opposed to the whole family, might be feeling a bit lost, generally. The OP cites having small children as the reason why she cannot shop effectively, online or in person. She doesn’t say whether she works, or has a social life. Perhaps buying the raincoat she covets might mark a change / progression in how she sees her place in the world?

(Or maybe not!)

I think this is probably true, I do work almost full time and I earn reasonably well, I just think I should have a proper "style" by now, all my colleagues do, and I just feel a bit lacklustre in comparison! So it's not that I have to buy clothes but that seems like the obvious choice because it's the biggest gap in terms of what I own. I have a nice handbag (that I don't really use much!) and I already have trainers, boots etc. They are quite functional but they're nice enough. I just feel like clothes are a minefield and I just end up grabbing rubbish off supermarket racks or ordering in bulk off Amazon or H&M. It's a sad state of affairs!

You should post on Style and Beauty.

It is a sad state of affairs!

And yes - start a thread on Style and Beauty. Include your size, budget, lifestyle and any specific real, or perceived, limitations.

Await wardrobe transformation …

Have you got a friend or colleague whose style you like that you could ask to go shopping with you? Or even just to look online with or suggest some things for you?

That is a good idea. Ok I will post in style. Thank you!

I agree - it's so hard when you become a parent to treat yourself. I'd say though: you flipping deserve it!

I had a similar amount of money a few years ago and bought myself a Mulberry handbag that I'd been listing after for years. It brings me a bit of joy everyday.

But, if you want to spend it on a weekend away for yourself and your family that's equally okay. It's YOUR money - if a weekend away will give you joy then go for it!

But surely you want something sooner or later?

I probably spend less than most people in similar circumstances as I don't buy a lot of clothes or spend a lot on my hair etc and I always look for deals.

But I do like visiting spas, theatre, travel, gin and fizzy wine, eating out, madly overpriced hiking socks, coffee table books, my art pass and lego so while it might take me a while to spend money, I will buy things sooner or later.

Want??? No.
Need, yes. Then replacing stuff is a chore to be endured - or ideally find the receipt for last time I needed said item, and do a direct replacement.

visiting spas, theatre, travel, gin and fizzy wine, eating out, madly overpriced hiking socks, coffee table books, my art pass and lego nope. None of that appeals.

@IceIceSlippyIce out of curiosity.....what do you enjoy doing that you can spend money on?
There must be something 🤷

Why do you have to buy "stuff"? £400 would buy you a train ticket to London, a night in a hotel and a ticket for a show. What's not to like with that? Or a couple of nights away somewhere a bit cheaper, maybe for an event, sports etc. This is for you, so leave the family at home and treat yourself a little trip away..... it would be fabulous.

I hate shopping and hate spending money on myself. I asked for money for Christmas and birthday this year to nudge me towards doing so.

I got myself a pair of nudi jeans from John Lewis, they are organic cotton and designed to last a lifetime and come with life long repairs. I had budgeted the full £145 but managed to get them half price. I was getting fed up of all my jeans coming into holes and wanted decent jeans to be able to wear out, I couldn't imagine spending £70 of my own money on a pair of jeans! The best of the high street jeans I had previously were next so I got myself another pair of them for £28 and a new pair of leather ankle boots for £60 as I didn't have any shoes that didn't leak.

I did the same a few years ago when I returned back to work after mat leave. My role had changed to be less lab based so my option of clothes opened so I got 3 dresses from lady vintage for work using birthday and Christmas money from my parents. They are ~£60 new but their sale stuff is £20-30. I really like their clothes as they use good fabrics and they are properly tailored with shaping with darts etc.

A few years ago my in-laws gave us the money for a new side board. My partner and I both hate shopping for the sake of shopping and hate pointless gifts - my mum has this thing about you having to have "something to open" as if we are 5 so they get passed on to people who will appreciate them more! We particularly hate having to buy things twice so we now take the time to find quality clothes and furniture that will last a long time. I have coats I've had for 20 years and I still get compliments about. I hope the additions to my wardrobe in recent years will last the test of time too

@Needmorelego nothing??
I honestly cant think of anything worse than hitting a city centre or retail park and browsing!
Old clothes, dirty shoes and outside for me.
Chocolate and wine come from the supermarket.
Edit: I dont want "stuff"

Yes but what do you do with your spare time?
I also don't overly enjoy shopping but I do like owning things like books.
There must be some things you'd want to buy from time to time?

I think you missed PPs point.

Say your hobby is gardening and hillwalking. Eventually you'll need a new pair of walking boots, or raincoat or gardening gloves or some more perlite. Just put the money to one side and use it to fund your hobby.

She is not saying traipse around shops.

But if you like 'dirty shoes and outside' then presumably you will need to replace your waterproof or your walking boots at some point. Or equip yourself with an emergency shelter or a lightweight powerpack. Or a hearty meal in a cosy pub at the end of a long day enjoying the great outdoors.

What people are saying is you don't have to "go to a retail park or department store and buy things" but you can spend it on doing something you enjoy.
Tickets to Twickenham for the 6 Nations. Or to the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow. Or petrol / train fare then overnight accommodation near to some mountain you want to climb. Ski passes at Aviemore. A florescent float for outdoor swimming.