To have a male babysitter?

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We’ve known Tom (17) since he was about he was 4/5.

He’s my dsd’s best friend, he’s regularly at our house, he’s slept over loads and has been on days out with us. We like Tom, dc do too and he’s great with them.

Dsd is our usual babysitter, when looking after dc before Tom has occasionally stayed round to hang out with her/help cook dinner etc.

We had plans for next weekend which would include not getting home till about midnight. Dsd due to babysit but has had another opportunity come up so she asked Tom, he said yes and we said okay great.

3 dc 5,7 and 11.

Friends who we have plans with have questioned this plan and said they wouldn’t take the risk, one friend has said why don’t we use her babysitter instead (who is only 14 and neither us or dc have ever met)

Interested in what others think.

Would we be unreasonable to have a male babysitter ?

We had a male aupair for a year.
We have also had two male babysitters. I have worked with their mums.

Why are they saying don’t risk it? Because he’s male so insinuating all men are abusers? Ridiculous

I wouldn't hire a male stranger as a babysitter, but someone you know well and trust sounds fine to me.

I was baby sat by a male when I was younger. He worked with my Dad.

Great guy. Pretended to be scared by my Cookie Monster teddy.

All our babysitters are men apart from grandma, we wouldn’t use Tom, purely because we aren’t comfortable with other children looking after our children.

We had a male babysitter at one point, next door but one neighbour before he went to university, he coped well with dd1 (autistic) unlike most the others we had over the years - the trick was he just talked gaming with her

He is 17. Not a child.

When my children were little we paid a succession of friends' teenagers, neighbours' teenagers to babysit at various times. Two of these were male. It didn't ever occur to me that I was taking "a risk" when Matthew or Freddie babysat rather than Sophie or Hannah. Your friend is being ridiculous.

It's ok.
First thing, you know him.
Second point, your children are not small toddlers, the eldest is 11 years old.

It seems much better to have 17yo guy you know than 14yo girl you don't know.

Neither, if it had to be someone unknown I would pick unknown teenage girl vs an unknown teenage boy easily but in this case I think he’s the safer option.

17 year olds are children, people become adults at 18.

That's nice isn't it.

I think if you’ve known him that long and he’s already baby sat then it’s safe.

female babysitters can still invite male friends round FYI. So being female doesn’t mitigate all risks. Your kids are also older as someone said so can speak up should anything be amiss.

Better a male you know and trust than a female you don't,

Sounds ideal! Your kids know and like him. My son would be a great babysitter if anyone ever asked him.

Both my DS have babysat and we had a male aupair, whats the question?

He's 17, hardly a child

I definitely think a 17y boy you've known a long time is the better option. I wouldn't use any 14 year old, let alone one I don't know. Plus your children are older too. I think it's fine.

My son babysat for friends children. Think the children (always over 6+) found him good fun as he was always happy to play silly games and watch kids tv. If you know and trust him and his parents I’d say it’s fine and healthy.

A 17 year old that you know and who knows your children is a far better bet than a 14 year old you don't.

Discounting a known option simply for being male would be ridiculous in that situation.

I need my eyes checking; I was trying to understand why a 17 year old was your dad’s best friend.

Very few people define a 17 year old as a child. A 17 year old can legally drive, have sex, work full time, get married in two out of the four countries that make up the UK.

Yanbu op. Much better a known 17 year old than an unknown 14 year old, regardless of male/female.

We have only used a babysitter a handful of times but hadn’t ever considered gender to be a consideration. My daughter is autistic so it’s always been difficult to leave her. The couple times we’ve managed were by hiring people from after school club which included men and women. My son was super happy when the guy came over as they’d play football (not that women can’t, it was just what this guy did a lot at ASC).

My parents were delighted to find a male babysitter in the 80s. Super rare then but he was a neighbour and a lovely guy and we had fun when he came over.

In your case where you know him and the children are older I would.

I would never ever hire a male babysitter I didn't know !

Well the risk of him turning out to be an abuser is higher than with a female, I mean that's just a fact. Doesn't mean he will be there - it's just an increased risk.
Why has he slept over often, is he your dsd's boyfriend?