To have a male babysitter?

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We’ve known Tom (17) since he was about he was 4/5.

He’s my dsd’s best friend, he’s regularly at our house, he’s slept over loads and has been on days out with us. We like Tom, dc do too and he’s great with them.

Dsd is our usual babysitter, when looking after dc before Tom has occasionally stayed round to hang out with her/help cook dinner etc.

We had plans for next weekend which would include not getting home till about midnight. Dsd due to babysit but has had another opportunity come up so she asked Tom, he said yes and we said okay great.

3 dc 5,7 and 11.

Friends who we have plans with have questioned this plan and said they wouldn’t take the risk, one friend has said why don’t we use her babysitter instead (who is only 14 and neither us or dc have ever met)

Interested in what others think.

Would we be unreasonable to have a male babysitter ?

We had neighbours with 2 dc and when their DD was old enough she babysat and then when she left home her brother then became our babysitter. We knew them well and both were great with dc. We trusted them so gender was not an issue.

No, they are just friends

You and kids know like and trust him

so why wouldn’t you

I'm afraid I'd say no, from experience. We went to stay with friends for the weekend, with our 2 yr old daughter and 4 year old son. Friends said they had a son of a friend to babysit and off we went to the pub. Got home later and checked on kids, son fast asleep but daughter awake with big eyes. Said that babysitter had put his 'willy' near her face and asked her to kiss it. She said 'That's not nice, is it?' I said 'No, it's not nice, I'll have a word with him' and she went to sleep and it was never mentioned again. I was extremely shocked and wasn't sure what to do but told my friend the next morning and she assured me her husband would speak to him and he'd never babysit again. Daughter has never mentioned it in the following 40+ years so I think I was right keeping it very low key and calm, but I often wonder if he did it again. In those days no one thought of involving the police.

Of course not all males are abusers, but 90% of abuse is carried out by males. Safeguarding says don't take the risk and if that means that some good males are stopped from doing some things then that is unfortunate, but necessary for safety of children and females.

See my post - our friends knew the boy babysitter well, he'd babysat for their two boys on a number of occasions, but he sexually abused my daughter. Abusers don't advertise it!