DS making valentines gifts for friends - normal?

[ThatPlumTraybake]

DS, 11, is making his 3 main friends valentines cards as well as one big one for his best friend. He also said he’s going to buy him some heart haribos and give him them at school on Friday. I think this is really sweet but is it normal for children (especially boys) to give valentines gifts to friends? I’ve always viewed it as a romantic day only.

Doesn't sound typical for an 11 year old boy. It's really nice that he values his friendships. But I hope the reaction from his friends will be positive, although I imagine he might get some negative responses from either his friends or other classmates.

If he is 11 and primary, then I think this is totally normal. Less common, and more likely to attract teasing in secondary.

I don't know - even if primary, none of my boys would have done this! I hope the little lad doesn't get teased 😔

It's sweet, but definitely unusual for a little boy. I hope he doesn't get teased.

He sounds like a complete sweetheart.

Not usual

While a bit unusual, I think it's actually super sweet. My friend (M32) makes short and cheesy smartshow 3d valentine's slideshows for everyone in our friend circle but it's always ironic on his part. It's cute that your son is being genuine at appreciating his friends. That's something we all feel but tend to keep to ourselves which is pretty sad tbh. Let him be the way he is, he's doing great!

Primary school- maybe sweet.
high school - maybe a bit dodgy and caution needed!

i think it’s a very American thing to do valentines gifts for friends/co workers?
has he maybe picked it up from YouTube?

Honestly? I think he is probably having romantic for these boys and getting a bit confused with it all. Which is fine- but senior school might be a time to tone this down. And of course, you don't know how the recipients are going to feel about this. They might be horribly embarassed

I know giving valentine's to your classmates is normal in America, The Simpsons etc so maybe he's seen that? Honestly I think this is lovely and sweet and I hope they like his gifts!

Depends if they expect something from girls surely? Thats still the norm in primary schools in the uk.

It is a bit unusual for a boy to do for his male friends

But we're supposed to be encouraging boys to be more emotionally literate and to build strong bonds and friendships with other males.

We need to be brave enough to let boys challenge the status quo if we want men to do better.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't have reservations if it were my son because not everyone is ready for the challenge yet.

Very unusual in my experience for an 11 year old boy to send valentines to anyone. Let alone his male friends. I would probably limit it to the haribo. Very high risk of being teased I’m afraid.

That's very sweet, DS1 (in year 5) would never be so thoughtful, but would be delighted with some haribos from a mate.

I don't think kids these days would necessarily be more embarrassed about a kid of the same sex fancying them then of the opposite sex? DS1 (who doesn't seem to fancy anyone yet)...when repeating playground gossip, has mentioned and 'Timmy' fancies 'Billy' in the exact same way he's mentioned 'Billy' fancies 'Ellie'.

My 11 year old would be so embarrassed to do this or receive a valentine card from one of his friends.

I've three teen boys and I cant imagine them or their friends doing this. Unless it's definitely a thing that they all do, the boys will be embarrassed and your son will be teased. That may not be right but that's how things are.

Yes, it‘s a very American thing to give Valentines to people in your classmates / friends/ colleagues. I think it’s cute!

I think also in Australia Valentines day is not romance-specific.

Agree it’s an American cultural thing. It is closely linked with romance here rather than friendship so I’d be cautious about letting him walk straight into potential piss taking without a few gentle parental questions to check if he knew what he might be letting himself in for.

This would definitely not be normal in my house of boys at any age.

I would ask him if his friends are doing the same thing for him. If they are, then it should be fine but if not I would be a bit worried. Definitely not something my son would have done at this age or now.

The whole world of 'traditional' days/dates has become wholly commodified to an absurd degree, and removed from what they were originally about - this is as strange as South Koreans celebrating Halloween, yet not at all surprising.
No criticism of your son - let him go for it - but it's got little to do with Valentines as those of older generations probably understand it.

My ds is 10 and in the last year of primary and this is not something he would do. In fact, i used to give him a card at home to tell him I loved him and I’m not going to do it this year because I think it would tip me into ‘embarrassing mum’ territory!

In your shoes, I would probably just check where the idea came from though to gauge how it might be received. If it’s something he’s come up with on his own and a surprise from his friends, I’d maybe just talk about the possible different responses he might get and ask him how he’ll feel if it’s not positive, just to help manage expectations.

It could be something him and his friends have talked about and made a plan for though. In which case, the chances are it will be well received.

I hated Valentine’s Day at secondary school. Was always a time of either feeling left out or used as an opportunity to tease others. I hope that your son’s thoughtfulness and expression of appreciation for his friends is well received. He sounds absolutely lovely!

I think it’s cute and speaks more of friendship than Valentine’s Day.