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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would share a photo of your unwell newborn with lots of tubes and wires

78 replies

dodomin · 08/02/2026 19:53

Background:
Our wonderful DS has been diagnosed with a rare ano-rectal condition - because of the nature of the illness DH and I have chosen not to share what is wrong with him with friends and family. Surgery should resolve it (but also it may be a lifelong issue he has to live with). And so if he wants to share it when he is older than is no problem, but given how intimate/sensitive the issue is DH and I feel like we should protect his medical issues from everyone we know for now. For example, both DH and I feel like if this was something that happened to us and we had lifelong ano-rectal issues, we wouldn't want everyone to know about it and ask us about it..

Where he's been in hospital for the last few weeks now, naturally we've had lots of questions as to why he isn't home yet. We've told a half truth in that he's just having some digestion issues. Lots of people are asking for photos. He is heavily cannulated, has an NG and long line. I don't mind sharing photos with some people, but not all.. is it distasteful to share photos of him like this?
YABU - you shouldn't share such sensitive photos with any old relative or acquaintance
YANBU - it's fine, share the photo

OP posts:
NorthXNorthWest · 08/02/2026 19:56

Face only.

KatyaKat · 08/02/2026 19:56

I don't think it's distasteful, if you're comfortable sharing. But if you don't want to, I also think it's perfectly fine to say you'll share photos when he's feeling better. He's your baby, do what feels right for you.

And congratulations, I hope he recovers well.

notacooldad · 08/02/2026 19:57

No i would not share these photos. It is way to intrusive.
I would stick with what you are telling people for now except for a select few eg parents.

Seawolves · 08/02/2026 19:57

I would share privately with my nearest and dearest but not with my wider circle of friends/relations or on social media. I have a technology dependant child and wires and tubes are part of who he is and they are a part of his life story.

FrozenFebruary · 08/02/2026 19:58

I hope if all goes as well as possible for him 💕

Of course you can share his photo with family & friends.

I'd also deal with it differently to you. iwould share his medical issues with people who know us & love us as you're likely to need the support & I personally think it's unkind to shut people out who love you.

CymruChris · 08/02/2026 19:58

I wouldn't and didn't. My eldest was in NICU for a month, I did send some pics to family and close friends, but have never shared any on social media.

I hate the photos of him hooked up to everything and actually still find them quite upsetting (he is now almost 12!)

Ocelotfeet27 · 08/02/2026 19:59

I guess it's people that want to see/virtually meet your new baby, not people that want to gawp at an ill baby. If I was willing to share photos of my baby with someone in general I probably wouldn't mind sharing pictures with the baby in hospital. But I'm not a big photo sharer in the first place. If I was the kind to plaster my kids all over social media I would definitely be more cautious about sharing hospital pictures. Good for you being vague re his condition to support his privacy. I'd do the same.

Obeseandashamed · 08/02/2026 20:00

I don’t think it’s distasteful and would share with close family and friends. It also raises awareness and understanding. I wouldn’t share on social media etc.

outerspacepotato · 08/02/2026 20:00

Don't share any photos you don't want to. Protect your baby's medical privacy.

Just say he's in NICU and we're not sharing medical info or photos at this time.

I worked NICU for a couple of decades and we took photos, but they were for parents only.

Best wishes for you and a good recovery for him.

SarahAndQuack · 08/02/2026 20:00

I think there isn't a right or wrong.

I also think lots of people, unless they are medics, will not know what the tubes and lines are for; they will know you have a baby who isn't well, but I don't think most people would sit down to diagnose what was going on.

Crunchymum · 08/02/2026 20:02

When DC3 was in neonatal we shared pics with close friends and family. Nothing on any other social media.

The condition is rare and genetic and again we've never felt the need to officially announce it on social media.

I have joined a few (closed) support groups on FB and I do share the odd picture there but have no issue they'll ever be shared and I only post "positive" pictures.

BlackCatDiscoClub · 08/02/2026 20:04

Id share these photos with close family and friends but not publicly. I was in a similar position, baby in nicu and tubes. I'll be honest I didnt think too much about whether the image was intrusive, I just saw it as a picture of my baby that I could send to close people. But I have never published any pictures of DC online, only sent directly to people I know.

CrispAppleStrudels · 08/02/2026 20:05

My eldest was in NICU. We shared the full photos of her with my parents, but on social media, we just did a cropped photo of her where all you could see was her ng tube and part of cannula as her hand was by her face. I've been open with everyone about why she was in NICU as I felt it important that to raise awareness (especially as so many hospitals still dont test for GBS), but we felt noone needed to see the whole photos of her tubes and wires etc. She is now 4.5y and she has seen those photos herself and we've talked about why she was poorly etc but like pp, i find it hard to look at them myself. If she wants to share those in the future then she can.

SilenceInside · 08/02/2026 20:05

It’s not distasteful, but I can understand why you wouldn’t want to. I don’t think I shared any photos of mine until the NG tube was out and they didn’t have cannulas any more. My second DS also had a facial bruise from forceps which I didn’t really want to share with people. Family had all been to see them in hospital and friends then met them when they got home. I generally don’t share photos of my children on social media at all for similar reasons that you are reluctant to, they can’t consent and might not want them to be out there when they are older.

Cortexiphan · 08/02/2026 20:08

I think you're sending yourself down a very lonely and difficult path not sharing info with anyone else. You will need support. There's nothing shameful or embarrassing about any of it.

GreenChameleon · 08/02/2026 20:08

When DS was born we initially showed only a picture of his foot with the oxygen monitor strapped on, this made it clear that he was very unwell and people stopped asking after that. We couldn't have shown his face because it was hidden behind an eye mask, an oxygen mask, sticky tape for his feeding tube. It's your decision what pictures to show, you are under no obligation whatsoever.

TheChosenTwo · 08/02/2026 20:08

I’d send them to our parents if they were unable to visit and also our siblings but no one else. It’s a bit intrusive.
I’m not sure I’d be guarding the diagnosis but I’m not in your position so no judgements here.
best of luck with you LO, and congratulations, hope you get them home with you soon.

jellyjimbo · 08/02/2026 20:09

Hello!

I shared pics of my DS with an ND tube and cannula, but ones where he was being cuddled or was wrapped in a blanket, not ones when he was hooked up to monitors. I only sent them to my parents and sisters.

Congratulations on your baby ☺️ hope his treatment goes well x

Edited to say I agree with PP that they were just photos of my lovely baby, looking at them feels the same as looking at DD's photos. My mum was delighted to get pictures of him, because she couldn't visit, and said how gorgeous he was.

NoisyMonster678 · 08/02/2026 20:11

You and your DH are on the right track, you could tell people you are not ready to let them know.

When they ask again, tell them your childs' medical info will remain private.

Its no one else's buisness anyway, they don't have a reason to know and good on you for your compassion, your little boy has the best parents hope he feels better soon.

Blueroses99 · 08/02/2026 20:13

I posted a birth announcement on social media (we have a large international family) without any photos as my daughter was a micro preemie in NICU. I felt comfortable sharing a photo after a
month as she was doing great, and did so approx monthly until she came home. She came home on oxygen so anyone who met her in real life would see wires permanently attached to her for several
months. Another family member had a feeding tube for years as a child. Tubes were just a part of their lives so no need to hide anything in our view. No-one really asked detailed questions about medical issues.

I do understand that potentially lifelong ano-rectal issues may be slightly more sensitive which your son may wish to be private.

GlasgowGal2014 · 08/02/2026 20:23

I don't think there is any right or wrong here. My baby was in NICU and I didn't think twice of sharing pictures of him with breathing tubes or a cannula with close friends and family. We have professional photos taken a month or so after he was born once he was out of hospital and free from all the lines, but I still also look back on the photos of him in hospital fondly because although I'd have preferred him not to need that medical support, that was still my experience of him as a newborn. Do what ever feels right for you now in terms of photo sharing, but don't avoid taking photos because you might regret not having them in years to come.

I also understand why you want to keep his medical issues private to preserve his dignity now and in future. It's important that you get support to deal with this too though so it may be worth telling a small number of close family or friends so that they can support you emotionally. They may also need to know in future if issues persist and you want to involve them in his care (for example having a sleepover with grandparents so you can have a night off).

godmum56 · 08/02/2026 20:25

Personally I wouldn't or at least face only but that's up to you. What you should keep in mind is that once you have shared the images, they are out of your control...I know you know this but saying "I will share with xxx and yyy" only means nothing in this day and age.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/02/2026 20:27

No. Hospital treatment is a private thing, not something I’d expect to see shared at any age. Nearest and dearest at your discretion of course.

witchespocus · 08/02/2026 20:30

I think you are being very considerate of how your son may feel in future, many people overlook this when they are tiny babies and don’t think that far ahead.

I totally agree with your choice. I chose not to share photos of my dc in a similar situation except for immediate family who had seen them in person anyway. This was over 10 years ago and in hindsight it was totally the right thing to do.

lljkk · 08/02/2026 20:33

YABU - you shouldn't share such sensitive photos with any old relative or acquaintance
YANBU - it's fine, share the photo

I can't agree with either option.
Especially If going thru a stressful time, you do what you need to do to get thru it. That might be 'over-sharing' or it might be half-truths or it might be no communication or it might be OP's focus on her child's future privacy. There is no yabu or yanbu, just the best decision you can make.

DH and I have chosen not to share what is wrong with him with friends and family.

the problem with that strategy is that people will not know how to support you, they don't know how bad or fixable problem is, and they can't gauge how unhappy you're likely to be or what your next challenges are. I would be more forthcoming than OP describes with my closest confidantes (using words not pictures). To others I might just say "intestine issues" and ignore their requests for photos.

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