to think it’s a bit depressing that women still use these terms against other women?

[HazelMember]

I’ve noticed that the harshest, most misogynistic insults on mumsnet I hear are actually coming from women directed at other women. Words like cunt, bitch, cow, etc.

When men are criticised, the language often seems much milder or at least less specifically gendered.

Is it internalised misogyny? Habit? Just how people speak now?

I don’t really view women calling me names any different to a man doing so.

I definitely don’t think we have a responsibility to not call someone a bitch if they’re being one, just because we happen to be the same sex.

Are they misogynistic insults? Or just gendered?

I don't think they're any worse than the male-gendered (misandrist?) insults like cock, prick, dick, dickhead, knob, knobhead, shithead, wanker, wankbadger, shitgoblin, arsehole, arsewipe, creep, bawbag, or scrote.

So women are just supposed to say nice things about each other?

What would you call Rose West or Myra Hindley?

Edit: if you were highlighting the words tart, slut, whore or slag, I'd agree with you.

Murderers.

Nobody is saying women only have to say nice things but each other but this kind of language does not need to be used.

I think we can probably safely say that both of those women were, and are, cunts.

I hate the word “cunt”. It’s vile, (to me) and I never use it in life or online. But, if appropriate, I’ll cheerfully use bitch, slapper, dopey tart etc 🤷‍♀️

Which are all as bad.

Clearly many women disagree and you don't get to be the language police

You think Cow is on the same level of insult as Cunt?!

I've never heard anyone calling another woman a cunt on here. I call men cunts on here all the time though.

I wouldn’t say many - a few. And yes I do actually as I would never be in the company of most of them on this thread.

Men get called dickhead, bellend, nob, prick, manbaby, manchild, etc all the time on Mumsnet. They also get called cunts and twats quite a lot.

I personally don't see calling someone a cunt as being any different from calling someone a dick. 'Private' body parts are routine insults for both sexes - cunt, twat, arsehole, tit, dick, prick, cock etc - and I don't find the use of cunt or twat as insults to be misogynistic. Context is always key, of course. For example, some of my favourite body part related insults are also the words I would use appreciatively for those body parts in the bedroom.

'Bitch' and 'cow' are obviously gendered insults because they refer to female animals. I'm not sure I necessarily find it more offensive to insult someone by comparing them to animal of their own sex than it is to use a generic insult, but I can definitely see why people might feel that way and I'm certainly open to being more mindful of that.

I do think it's extremely misogynistic to call a woman a slag, slapper, tart, skank etc, though. It implies that women should be judged for enjoying as much consensual sex as they want, and for not living up to some patriarchal ideal of purity.

I think the most misogynistic insults on Mumsnet are - ironically - the ones that imply anyone who doesn't share a very specific set of views on topics of sexual behaviour, gender identity or various other things must somehow only hold those views because she's desperate to be accepted by men. 'Pick-me', 'cool wife', 'handmaiden' etc. All massively misogynistic, despite invariably being used by women who call themselves feminists.

Also misogynistic: the posters who immediately say 'you must be a man' to anyone who expresses a different view on sex and relationships to theirs.

👏👏

I'm from London and I've certainly heard many people affectionately called 'you daft cunt' or 'you mad cunt' etc in a jokey, matey way.

I heard it used like that a lot more in London than I do where I currently live, in Manchester.

Nobody needs to call someone a cunt but it's often a) accurate and b) funny, so I think I'll probably carry on doing it.

Can we have suggestions of some acceptable alternatives?

I have never seen a woman call another woman a cunt on here A bitch maybe, but not cunt.

I see much worse things said against men on here!

I see it most days, hang around a bit. It’s not like calling rhe op one, but more in reference to the person the op is complaining about.

yep, i actually use it very very rarely. Most recently about the SIL, before that about Noam Chomsky.

I don't think i have ever said it IRL except once when i said i have never said the C-word I'm going to try it.

And it did, indeed, silence the room. Next time i use it IRL i will make sure it does that again.

Lol. Choosing not to socialise with people who's language you don't like doesn't stop them using or police them in any way.

Imagine if the police just stopped interacting with criminals and called it policing 😂

Whit? 😬

That’s a ridiculous comparison. Choosing not to spend time with someone because their language is unpleasant isn’t “policing” them, it’s just having standards.

They are still completely free to talk however they want. What they are not entitled to is an audience.

Comparing that to the police refusing to deal with crime is honestly daft. The police have a legal duty. People do not have a duty to tolerate behaviour they find obnoxious.

Of course not spending time with someone who's language you don't like isn't policing their language! You're agreeing with me!

In response to "You don't get to police peoples language" @Differentforgirls replied "yes I do actually as I would never be in the company of most of them on this thread". I'm pointing out that is incorrect, and you have agreed with me whilst thinking you're arguing against me. The comprehension is not strong here....

She doesn't have to tolerate other people's use of language. But she can't police their language, stop them using terms they don't agree are misogynistic or just stop them saying things she doesn't like because she imagined herself superior to them, which she seems to think she can.

She is removing herself from their company. How is that trying to stop them?

I have seen nothing where it suggests she sees herself as superior.

I take as much objection to you telling me what language I can/can't use as any man doing the same. Why should I spare another woman if the description is warranted? Because she's a woman?

I won't stand for it from a man - he doesn't get to throw his weight around, telling me what I can and can't do, just because he's a man and thinks he has authority over me because of that. I won't stand for it from a woman - who are you to tell me I must #bekind to another woman just because she's a woman?