To get a radar key

[SherbetDipDap]

Was just looking to buy a sunflower lanyard for DS. He has autism with a PDA profile and can be very challenging in his behaviour (putting it mildly) and is a flight risk. When he was smaller it was easier to manage but now that he’s 7, he’s faster and stronger, it’s much more obvious that he is ‘different’, and his meltdowns can be very violent (both towards himself and others). We wouldn’t use the lanyard for everything but, for example, I have cancelled a trip into London to a museum today because he was he was too dysregulated and it wasn’t safe or fair to him or other people. It would be useful to have a lanyard for unavoidable overstimulating environments or ‘big trips’ where he might become overwhelmed. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t be judgemental and would just be accepting and accommodating, but that hasn’t always been my experience.

I have noticed that you can buy a lanyard with a radar key. DS is perfectly physically able and has been toilet trained since he was tiny. However, he doesn’t always realise he needs to go until the last second and then becomes dysregulated because of the sensation, and he is tall for his age, so taking him into the ladies sometimes feels inappropriate despite the fact he needs very close supervision.

WIBU to get a radar key? Not for all the time, just for those emergencies or days where he is highly reactive?

One part of me thinks this is fine. He is literally a disabled child. The other part of me feels like a fraud because on a ‘good’ day he can pass as ‘typical’. I don’t want to be one of these parents who is taking the piss and using their child’s needs/diagnosis to game the system. I guess the whole Merlin/Alton Towers debacle has really got in my head.

You don’t have to be impaired 💯 of the time to be disabled and require adjustments. Would you be concerned about someone with relapsing/remitting MS having adjustments during the relapse phase? Or someone with epilepsy having adjustments during or after a seizure when feeling impaired?

This is totally fine particularly as you are only proposing to use the key when he needs it not as BAU. Life as a parent of a disabled child is hard enough, don’t make it needlessly harder for you and him. You will need your strength and resilience for other more worthwhile battles, trust me!

Yes get a radar key. If you need to supervise your son to use the toilet it's very much appropriate to use the accessible toilets.

Sounds like a very good idea to have a radar key in this situation.

Thank you. I know you’re right. I think this ‘people with AADHD and autism are using it as an excuse to jump queues’ mindset has got me feeling a bit sensitive.

Life is so fucking hard at the moment. It’s so difficult reading all the books, attending all the groups, doing all the ‘right’ techniques, asking all the charities/services for help, and still feeling like we are trapped in this very limiting, sad reality and knowing this is it. Forever. I love him so fiercely, but fighting for his needs and being hit, spat and sworn at daily, and hearing how he wants to die all the time, is killing me.

I have colitis, I have a radar key in case of need. If I am not in the middle of a flare I use normal toilets, it’s there for the days I need the toilet now

edited to make it clear yes you should get one

Yes get one.
That's what they are for - people who need them. Like your son.

It's fine, do it don't overthink it

Yes get one. Like @VaxtableI have one for when I’m flaring with colitis. I am currently well so don’t use it but would happily if I needed it. Your need sounds completely appropriate.

Yes. It sounds like you can’t leave him unsupervised while you nip in to the ladies anyway. So use the disabled one.

Look really you’ll have to stop caring what others think. The UK in some ways is very accommodating to the ND in comparison to where I live. DD1 is Au ADHD but was only diagnosed in the 3rd year of Uni. And has really embraced her diagnosis.

But the upshot of that is that people like my DD1 use the ND card at every available opportunity despite being incredibly able both in body and mind and that makes everyone feel a bit sus about others who really do need reasonable adjustments.

I have no idea what the solution is but in the meantime it sounds like you’d be someone whose life would be made vastly easier by this solution so it really is meant for you.

Yes get a radar key. Your DS is disabled and needs close supervision in the toilet. Also I think it's better than taking him into ladies toilets. He might not mind now but another year and he'll start to be embarrassed by it.

100% yes. This is exactly what it's for and it will make your life just a touch easier

Yes. I have had emergency surgery, resulting in a stoma and as a result have a radar key. Ive not used it yet, but the day will come no doubt.

I’ve wanted to get one for dd for similar reasons but I always worry that I will walk in on someone using it and I won’t hear them?! So have avoided using one, how do you know it’s not being used? I know you tap and ask if anyone is in there but I worry I won’t hear them respond

I have one for DS. Similar situation as you - always a last minute rush, very tall for 7yr old, wants some independence but cannot be trusted in the men's alone and hates hand dryers!

He is a disabled child.

yes get a radar key.

i had to tell my dad to buy one when he had bowel cancer and a stoma. He just wasn’t going out so I gave him one of mine and told him to buy one!

They don’t open the disabled toilet if it’s been “locked” from the inside.

using the key is the equivalent of pushing the handle - won’t open if locked from inside.

Yes get one. I have one for DS who is 8 and autistic. He's too big to be coming into the ladies with me but needs prompting for things like closing the door and hand washing so I couldn't just send him into the men's alone.

I have a radar key as I have incontinence issues as well as arthritis, and its come in handy more ways than not. You also don't need to pay for public toilets either.

Doesn’t sound unreasonable ant all. All I’d say is please bear in mind how long you & your son are in the disabled facility. If he’s having a meltdown, does it take a long time for him to calm down, for example? From what you’ve said, this might take a while. There could well be someone waiting outside who is absolutely unable to use a toilet without the pull down safety bars.

Buy it. I have one for work but I would use it if I need to take my child to the toilet with his pushchair. He is autistic. I would probably do it if I had a newborn with me as too many changing rooms have no toilet. Why??

I teach children like your son; 100% I’d suggest a radar key.

my friend has one as she is in London and has a kidney issue which means frequently needing the loo. Shes found it’s too hard to find a loo quickly unless you know where you are well and they’re accessible on an app or a map

You don't need to be disabled every day to use a radar key. There are conditions such as those mentioned in the thread already where people are fine one day but might have urgency issues or other need to use it on another day.

I do have a radar key for days that I need it and I'd have no problem if your child was having a bad day and needed to use the accessible toilet.

I know this is blunt but it's better to keep him safe and as calm as possible rather than worry about what other people think.

You're doing a good job in difficult circumstances and if a key would make days that little bit easier, then get one and use it.

This isn't always the case...having been in just that situation!

I had a radar key when I had a double hip replacement and couldn’t walk up stairs, now I’m physically able, I don’t use it but it was essential for that period of time. It sounds as though you really need a radar key, don’t feel guilty about it!