I screamed at my friend

[DarthPaula]

Going through a rough time and I confided in my friend. Talking about DH and she said “he’s a waste of space”. I agreed with her. She then followed up with “a massive waste of space”. I said “yep”. Then she carried on … over and over …

Honestly, he’s a waste of space. Just a waste of space, seriously a waste of space. Nothing more than a waste of space. Literally a waste of space …

I could feel myself getting angry (not at what she was saying but the repetition of it) and in the end I snapped and screamed “yes!!! I get it!!!”

She said “Jesus! I’m trying to help!” I was unreasonable wasn’t I?

I’d give you a wide berth for a few months

I think you were both a bit unreasonable, tbh. She shouldn't have gone on and on like she did, but equally, I think she'd probably suspected for a while that your DH is a waste of space and was just quite pleased you had come to a similar conclusion.

It sounds like you were both being unreasonable, tbh.

Screamed? Really?

Were you shaking and crying too?

Gosh there's a lot of hyperbole on MN.

Why not focus on your bad relationship instead of getting into spats with your mates? She sounds like she cares more about you than you do.

Either you’ve moaned about him before and she’s hit her limit. Or what he’s done is really awful and she reacted dramatically because he actually is a waste of space.

Honestly, this is a silly sideshow. Deal with your useless husband.

If you were offloading and saying multiple things that your husband does/ doesn’t do, and she was saying how awful it is, then i think YABU. She’s only agreeing with you. But of course, we need more context here…we have no idea about the actual conversation.

if you said bloody hell Bob didn’t take the bins out last night!! And she said what she said over and over again, it might be a bit much 🤷‍♀️

If I were her I'd be avoiding you like the plague for some considerable time. I have no time for people who expect me to know what they want me to say.

You owe your friend a apology.

So basically you wanted her to just patiently listen to you moan on about your husband for ages (I suspect for the millionth time) while also refusing to change anything or listen to any advice?

What else do you want her to say? You’re telling her how awful your husband is and she’s agreeing with you.

Screaming is weird, childish and OTT and if I were your friend I’d be planning to avoid you from this point onwards.

Did she actually say it like that or were you talking in between? If she just said it like that, she sounds annoying but you still overreacted. If you were talking in between, she was presumably trying to sound supportive and you overreacted.

YWBU

I’m early 40’s and in my adult life, the only time I’ve ever screamed is when celebrating Everton scoring a goal/winning a match.

I don’t think there’s ever an acceptable reason (excuse) for one grown adult to scream at another. For me, once the volume is raised, you lose all credibility and, by extension, the argument.

You could have just adopted a light hearted but firm tone and said “Frigging hell Jenny give it a rest will you? Don’t worry mate, I think I’ve got the message, loud and clear!”, accompanied by a tinkly laugh and a smile.

You need to apologise to your friend without delay and hope she doesn’t hold a grudge.

Perhaps she's sick of hearing you moaning on and on about him?

Time to shit or get off the pot?

You mean this person just kept saying the same thing again and again and wouldn't stop? How long for?

Do you mean you shouted?

Sounds like she was sick of you repeating yourself like a parrot so she did the same back to you.

Was this the very first time you’ve confided in her about him? If so, it was an odd response.
If this happens a lot I think she’s sick of hearing about it.

COYB

I was unreasonable wasn’t I?

Obviously.
I can see why you were irritated but so many people on MN seem to go from 0-60 emotionally, like here: straight from agreeing to screaming.
It's quite immature.
Your friend isn't a mind-reader and probably thought she was being helpful and validating your feelings if you'd agreed then said nothing much until the sudden childish "screaming" (which surely was actually shouting?).
She must have been very shocked and upset.

This all sounds very bizarre. Her saying it over and over and over is very weird. Sounds like something an 8 year old would do. But then you suddenly screaming is also very weird. What was the aftermath? After you screamed, what happened?

You owe her an apology. You're a grown woman and you dont need to shout. Its up to her if she then says "sorry, i did go on a bit too - i should have left it".

Unless you were my very best friend - I would leave the friendship in the dust. Or at least downgrade you in my head to a friendly accquantance rather than an actual friend.

So you are slagging your dh off to a mate...nice! Then when she agrees and tried to reassure you that he is what you wanted to hear you shouted at her.

Firstly, you were out of order slagging your partner. That's shit.
Secondly. She clearly thinks he's a loser so you have to consider who's in the right there
Thirdly, you don't shout at a mate who is reflecting back what you want to hear. That's shit too

You screamed?

maybe you often have the same complaint and she has the same response so she was preempting how the conversation would go

Screamed? God this place is so dramatic with all the screaming, shaking and sobbing that goes on.

Personally, I’d have snapped and farted.

Screaming is never a good look. I’d apologise to your friend.