Go fund pot for a baby registry

[Love2read12]

I have just had an invite to attend my nephews baby shower. It’s a mother to be and father to be baby shower with all the family. They have stated they haven’t done a baby registry (is this even a thing?) and they would much prefer money donated so both parents can take time off work. (Self employed). Got to admit I am baffled at this.. wondering if others would be too?

Am I being unreasonable not to contribute? I will however give a gift /card with money when the baby is here. They can put this to whatever they wish. It’s been sent to 30 People. Realistically how much would each person have to contribute in order for them to be off. Usually at a baby shower (of the handful I have been to) I take a minding, then buy a gift when the baby is born. Is this the new normal?

I would just gift them a baby outfit. That is outrageously rude.

It's not something I would do, but then again, baby showers weren't even a thing when I was pregnant. I kind of understand their impulse though - it's similar to couples getting married asking for money rather than gifts, which is very common now. Couple that with the COL, I can understand them thinking they'd rather be able to choose what they need instead of receive 30 babygros. (I know you said their parents are wealthy, but that doesn't necessarily flow down to the children.) That being said, people can ask for whatever they want; it doesn't mean you have to acquiesce.

I’d have felt the exact same. Also agree up to that point all sounds lovely and to do what you feel you wanted without any expectations. There is no working in this invite to say company is wha we want. It’s very much come along and here is the link which we would appreciate a monetary donation to fund us taking more time off.

It’s close family. It’s down in the sense everything until this point has been paid. Private Education, 3 degrees fully paid, flat while at uni, savings away for them when older. Parents have decided not to buy them a house as they want them to work and find their way more. I am actually not sure my brother will be happy to know this message went out. It’s not a group chat . Anyway we have replied today have a lovely day and sorry we can’t make it. Will follow up with card/money and likely a baby gift when baby is here.

I thought you will say that they asked for money to buy their own stuff, but this is outrageous.

Greedy bastards. That is all.

Please decline. Please do not go to the baby shower. We are not the 51st state.

Hopefully when the baby arrives you send a card, and remember future birthdays.

I find it no less grabby than honeymoon collections etc, there is very little difference to my mind.

I think it’s fine but a bit of a daft idea- they won’t get much money to stay off work from 30 people will they?

mind you better than a nappy tower or whatever shite people would bring

That's highly unusual. I'm 45, and every wedding I have been to has had the obligatory John Lewis gift list or honeymoon collection.

I have never been to a baby shower however.

No! The baby isn't even here yet. Say you will bee giving a card with money when the time comes.

So you've already given them a £100 voucher? And you are also expected to give another gift / donate cash?

How / why have you ended up already giving them a voucher?

I didn’t have a baby shower and it wasn’t something wildly done in my circle of friends. So I’m not sure of the etiquette.

Is the baby shower gift/money instead of a present when baby arrives? Because in that case I don’t see the problem really. I would have been in far more of sound mind to write a genuine thank you card when I was pregnant than when I had a 2 week old baby. I would also be far happier knowing my present was actually of some use instead of something the couple never used…

Obviously if the expectation is for a baby shower gift/money and a present when baby gets here that’s different.

We seem to be twins!

You could always just give money when the baby arrives. Why should you give it before? Do they want to count the money to ensure they have enough not to need to work?!

I imagine they won’t. The family is wealthy so this is where I think they are maybe thinking everyone drop 1k etc

If I explained it would be outing but yes that’s been given. They can spend on some baby items/clothes. When baby arrives will of course we getting something. Money as I now wouldn’t get baby things as they have stated they don’t want.

I think so, so they can plan. As baby is due start of May and this even is start of March. I imagine to plan how long for time off.

Any baby shower that I have been to has been an excuse for a group of friends to get together. Someone else in the group has hosted and we all turned up with a plate of sandwiches/some cakes/a traybake plus small minding for the baby/babies (one was for twins) - a pack of bibs, scratch mits, vests, socks, etc. Once baby was safely here, we all did our own thing to our own budget.

I’ve no problem with this. I want people to find my gifts as useful as possible. Money is one of the most useful things going. If this facilitates the father or mother having even an extra one month off to support each other and spend extra time with their baby, by helping with bills, groceries or housing costs, then I think that’s wonderful.

No they weren’t until the grabby English got hold of the tradition and ruined it. English shite!

I agree. There is already enough stuff in the world. A lot of younger couples I know are sourcing literally everything for their babies second hand because of this. If I could give parents even an extra half day off with their baby I’d find that lovely. But I am happy to admit physical gift giving is not my love language, so maybe I’m in the minority.

End of problem then. RSVP to decline in whatever way is appropriate ( txt, family watts app, nice card) then ignore the fundraiser. If anyone asks say " Oh I've got something lovely for the baby once it's arrived. We'll pop it round with a card once they've had a bit of settling in time. Wont it be lovely to have a new baby in the family". Smile and move on.

Bloody hell , just read your update. They've had their present from you then. Absolutely not a chance I'd be giving any more unless the child was my actual grandchild .

Absolutely ridiculous