Go fund pot for a baby registry

[Love2read12]

I have just had an invite to attend my nephews baby shower. It’s a mother to be and father to be baby shower with all the family. They have stated they haven’t done a baby registry (is this even a thing?) and they would much prefer money donated so both parents can take time off work. (Self employed). Got to admit I am baffled at this.. wondering if others would be too?

Am I being unreasonable not to contribute? I will however give a gift /card with money when the baby is here. They can put this to whatever they wish. It’s been sent to 30 People. Realistically how much would each person have to contribute in order for them to be off. Usually at a baby shower (of the handful I have been to) I take a minding, then buy a gift when the baby is born. Is this the new normal?

Wow. When you think you've heard it all. And the CF come from wealth as well. Jesus wept.

Asking for money with weddings, birthdays etc is grotesque.

No ifs, no buts.

I think in some cultures this is the norm.

Even so, I honestly wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t turn up empty handed so if they’re just saying deposit the same amount of money that I would have otherwise spent, then if anything they are saving me a bit of admin. Most people say things like “gifts are not required or even expected but if you were going to buy one we’d rather that…”.

Makes very little difference to me, and I imagine it would make a lot of difference to them.

is just like a couple asking for cash towards their honeymoon rather than gifts for their wedding.

instead of a baby shower they want cash. it’s maybe because their pal or relative has provided a pram, cot, clothes etc and thwy dont need them.

id suggest you put the money in the pot. they presumably need it in advance to get things set up, rather than after. if you were going to gift anyway it makes no odds.

Just another voice for it being tough for self employed people with hardly any help given at times of illness or other need.

I hope everyone here commenting how outrageous this is, fully appreciated any maternity/ paternity pay and leave they and their partner received.

Never heard of this before now. Interesting 🤔 that’s why I asked. We can’t make it so we won’t be there. Of course when baby arrives we will visit with card/money.

I had none. Still wouldn't have dreamt of being a CF unless I was starving. And in that case I wouldn't have had a baby in the first place.

No one has gifted anything as yet. We know this, small family and circle of friends small. The 30
people includes grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. I have been to baby showers and it’s been a celebration of mum of parents. Tea, cake etc some games. Not a gift giving day. We have brought a small minding for the mum who has hosted , like pamper thing or pregnancy massage. Never had an expectancy of here is my baby shower date and here is the link to my go fund me type thing, as we would like time with the baby and money to do this. I personally find it off. Just curious how others thought. So thanks for your input 🥰

I really dislike baby showers before babe is born. I want to be able to see the new one. I also like to buy something not gift $$.

I was self employed when I became pregnant with no 1. I paid myself via an umbrella company so I became an employee of them. I got 90 percent for 6 weeks then statutory. Never crossed my mind to ask others to fund me.

I think some of the privileged women of mumsnet could do with educating themselves on just how poor the maternity/paternity provisions are for the self-employed. It's awful.

I don't see why this is any more 'grabby' than a regular baby shower, or having a wedding list.

I think it's nice, effectively asking for help to spend a little more time with your baby, rather than a load of muslin cloths etc. I'd happily contribute if I could afford to.

Cheeky bastards

I was self
Employed before having children. Maybe I missed a trick 😭 I saved for the year before. The day u stopped working was the day I went into labour. She is also finishing up 4-6 weeks prior as getting tired. Nephew has a good self employed job, just he can’t earn if not working. The card and money will come when baby is here.

Yes, some women have harder / more complicated pregnancies and need to stop work earlier. If you don't like it, just don't contribute. Now you have a mumsnet AIBU pile on to your nephew and his wife. They're your family. They haven't done anything hideous, they've effectively asked for the gift of time rather than material items.

PP: don't see why this is any more 'grabby' than a regular baby shower, or having a wedding list.

Those things are grabby too....

Exactly.

Exactly 😂
It's not anymore grabby... it's just equally as grabby 🙄

I honestly just think it could have been worded better by the OPs nephew. Asking for cash is kinda normal now, they would've just ommitted to say it's because they want to stay off work longer.

And before people complain... I know the maternity allowances are crap. I don't care what they use the money for, they just don't need to spell it out.

Yes maybe it’s the timing. As we are happy to give money in a card, just we wouldn’t do this until the baby is here. We have already given a voucher for a baby shop just as a gift. I think maybe it’s the asking for it assuming the baby shower is something that’s expectant to bring gifts. Never been to a baby shower where gifts have been expected. As I mentioned earlier more a day out for the mum To be. This is our first invite to a joint parental baby shower. Which had we been free we would have attended.

We must live in totally different worlds. I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a wedding registry.

It's tradition to give/receive gifts at weddings and baby showers. Everyone knows that. It's not 'grabby' to ask people to get something that would be useful to you under those circumstances.

So rude. I give a gift when the baby is born, something I’ve chosen. I’ll never get in line with this nonsense.

We must, maybe it’s an age thing. I am in my 40’s can honestly say I have never been to a wedding with a wedding if list. I’d quite like that to pick something nice, that’s wanted. Presumed as they didn’t have didn’t need so we gave/give money. Been to numerous weddings.

Maybe I am too old for the baby shower days.. lol not ever been a celebratory day for mum to be. Small gift brought. Never expected and lots didn’t bring gifts. However, I do agree when a baby is born then maybe a list is a good idea. It just didn’t sit right with me when we got the invite and link in a message. Maybe I am old and out of touch. A lot share the same sentiment it’s interesting to read.

You're right It is strange how is it so polarised even within one country's culture.

I would be so embarrassed to send people a list of things I expect people to buy for me. My friends would say the same thing. We wouldnt gossip about any who did, but we just wouldnt do it ourselves iyswim

I've never been to a wedding that did have a registry

I think baby showers on the whole are a bit naff and grabby.
I really don’t mind people asking for money at weddings and nearly all the weddings I have been to ask for money but always say that nobody should feel obligated to give anything. If people are already living together they probably have all the toasters, kettles etc that they want. I prefer to give money as I don’t have to go shopping and then take a present with me to the wedding.

I first went to a baby shower about fifteen years ago, I was a bit bemused (being single and childless) beforehand to have yet another tradition I would not benefit from but would have cough up for. However I really enjoyed it. The mums brought something that they benefitted from, her own mum brought something sentimental, everyone brought something to eat and I bought a present I thought was cute.

Then I went to plenty which I enjoyed and I had my own ten years later. I loved it and so did my guests I hope. I got loads of advice. It was really nice. I also appreciated all the gifts, big, small, secondhand and didn't care at all if there was no gift. A couple of my friends checked my hospital bag and gave some tips.

I couldn't understand all the hate toward baby showers.

Until I got invited to one who was a loose friend of mine. I accepted, pleased to be included. Then her friend who I've never met sent me the gift registry. Everything was expensive. I was added to the group chat. As mum to be already had a baby it was agreed a voucher would be better, then that was quickly dismissed in place of money - 50 quid. We were having the event in a restaurant and paying for ourselves.

It was one of the few times I pulled out with short notice and didn't feel remotely bad about it.