WIBU to not go to ILs party tonight?

[pontipinemum]

We have a small family party tonight for one of DHs nephews birthdays. Just family tea/cake etc

I really don't want to go. It's not comparable but DH never and I mean never comes to my family events, it is a 2hr drive to mine though, this is about 20 minutes away. But I always take our two DC (3 &1) alone on round trips to my family events. DH even missed a family wedding of mine last year because our babysitter hurt herself and couldn't mind our DC even though I had found alternatives. He has barely ever came to mine even before DC.

Anyway I don't want to go. I am exhausted. I had a super tough therapy session today. I've posted on here before about my childhood trauma/ abuse/ abandonment/ neglect etc. My mother has been in rehab for the last month and is going home on Monday so I'm feeling very mixed.

I would love nothing more than to spend the few hours they are at the party alone on the couch. Maybe watch a movie. Maybe have a bath.

Not go and make small talk and pretend I am happy bubbly me that I usually am. I feel very flat, low, down, and tired. Being the good mummy to DC all day has been enough

WIBU to cancel? Send DH alone?

Send him alone! He is a grown up man, he can manage.

Of course you’re not. Enjoy a couple of hours to yourself, it sounds like you need it 💐 surely your husband will understand?

You don’t feel well. Don’t go. Get him to take the kids. Poor MH is feeling unwell. It’s just a serious as physical illness.

Fairs fair.

He doesn’t go to yours and you always go to his. Take the night off he can parent his children at his families gathering.

I think DH taking the kids and leaving you to get a rest seems entirely reasonable, if you're happy with him saying "pontipinemum's had a frantic week and is exhausted, so we're going to leave her at home to get a rest".

Don't go. He can take the kids, make your excuses and leave you to have a quiet evening. It shouldn't be a big deal, and if he makes it one, I'd be making it into a much bigger issue about what's expected of you vs what's expected of him generally tbh.

OK I'll talk to him when he gets home. I know he will be put out and say 'sure it won't be long/ you look fine'' that he is tired too (he has a very physical job)

Yanbu at all. You can't pour from an empty jug. Look after yourself and have a break.

Send him alone, enjoy your me time.

Turn it around.

If it won’t be you’ll be totally fine while I grab a rest/hot bath.

If you’re tired also you understand how I feel with the added extra and how much I need this rest.

I don't think I have ever cancelled last minute on a party in my life. I love socialising normally. But it just feels like I can't I'd be 'pushing through'

Well just remind him its his familys thing, not yours and that he doesn’t bother with your family so your putting in the exact same effort he does.

He can go himself and take the kids with him. It doesn't matter if you look well whatever you feel tired and drained. Tell him that you are doing as much sucking it up as he does for your family event zero.

You know he probably won’t even be left to wrangle the children solo at the gathering. Sexism will take over and the female family members will rescue him so he can have an easy night.

I think it's fine if only one half of a couple take the kids to a relaxed family kids party.

My BIL often fails to turn up to his own family's do's - leaving his wife to wrangle the kids. The excuse is he's tired from work. No one minds.

I think it's a very healthy thing to say "I am exhausted and ran down, you spend time with the kids and I'll rest"

Oooooh the poll says 100% you're not unreasonable.
I've very rarely seen this!
So by the power of Mumsnet, stay home, pamper yourself, send him by himself

So he said "come, on we won't stay long "everyone will be disappointed" "dc will want you"

I stuck to it. So I'm staying here. He did change to saying he hopes I'm OK

Now to decide what to do. And it won't be cleaning

Do absolutely FA. Feet up, drink of choice, telly, a book or doomscrolling.

A fake sudden bout of diarrhoea will do the trick if you don’t want to get into discussion about it.

Good on you

I'm glad you stuck to it

Have a bath? Watch some TV? Cuppa tea and biscuits or a cheeky glass of wine.

I love chilling with music personally and play songs that reminds me of holidays or happy times past.

Alexia... play Tiffany I think we're alone now 🤣

good for you!

Made a dinner I like. I was going to get a take away but nowhere delivers to me and the closest places arent great.

Sitting down, cherry Pepsi, beef noodles, tv and scrolling!

He said "we'll see you in an hour" I hope it's a bit longer

An hour 😂
That's 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back and 20 minutes to eat cake?

It'll surely be 2 hours! Enjoy OP