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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to not go to ILs party tonight?

30 replies

pontipinemum · 06/02/2026 14:53

We have a small family party tonight for one of DHs nephews birthdays. Just family tea/cake etc

I really don't want to go. It's not comparable but DH never and I mean never comes to my family events, it is a 2hr drive to mine though, this is about 20 minutes away. But I always take our two DC (3 &1) alone on round trips to my family events. DH even missed a family wedding of mine last year because our babysitter hurt herself and couldn't mind our DC even though I had found alternatives. He has barely ever came to mine even before DC.

Anyway I don't want to go. I am exhausted. I had a super tough therapy session today. I've posted on here before about my childhood trauma/ abuse/ abandonment/ neglect etc. My mother has been in rehab for the last month and is going home on Monday so I'm feeling very mixed.

I would love nothing more than to spend the few hours they are at the party alone on the couch. Maybe watch a movie. Maybe have a bath.

Not go and make small talk and pretend I am happy bubbly me that I usually am. I feel very flat, low, down, and tired. Being the good mummy to DC all day has been enough

WIBU to cancel? Send DH alone?

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 06/02/2026 19:09

Hopefully they are still out 🍷

WinterSunglasses · 06/02/2026 19:20

pontipinemum · 06/02/2026 14:59

OK I'll talk to him when he gets home. I know he will be put out and say 'sure it won't be long/ you look fine'' that he is tired too (he has a very physical job)

You know what to say to this, given his total refusal to ever come to your family events.

Therealjudgejudy · 06/02/2026 19:24

Good on you op!

Shinyandnew1 · 06/02/2026 19:28

Good for you. I actually think it's really mean when one person in a couple never bothers to go to the others family dos but insists the other person always comes to theirs!

WinterSunglasses · 06/02/2026 19:28

No way will it only be an hour. Enjoy your quiet rest time!

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