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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do posters get so riled up by different opinions/ portion sizes?

68 replies

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 10:46

It amazes me that posters get so wound up by others that have a different opinion to them. Almost like they think they're only doing it to be contrary.

For eg, on the portion size thread, the bitchiness and incredulity of posters baffles me.

Portion sizes for most food has recommended guidelines, which I tend to follow, but that doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone.

Some may need less due to medical or health issues, a different way of eating (eg, little and often), what else they've eaten on that particular day, etc.

Conversely, other may need more due to having a manual labour job, or generally being more active/ higher metabolism, or simply not having eaten much on that particular day.

Personally, I can't generally eat a lot in one go, although when I was younger I definitely could. 😂

Nowadays, I'm more likely to graze throughout the day, although if I'm busy, I'll often forget to eat until late afternoon.

This is partly due to health issues that I have developed over the years, and partly because I've probably just got used to eating less, so I feel fuller quicker.

I also eat a lot slower than I used to and that has definitely made me realise sooner when I'm full, rather than eating really quickly and then realising too late that it was too much, and I should've stopped 5 mouthfuls before.

Do I overeat? Of course, sometimes I still do, especially if I'm really hungry, I might eat too fast, and then eat too much and be full. Or I might just be really enjoying that steak and not want to savour it and not waste it. Usually, that would mean is save it for later, but sometimes I finish it even though I know I don't need it.

Does that mean someone else eating the same amount as me is also overeating? Not necessarily. There's so many variables it's hard to say.

Also, for many people, food isn't just fuel, it's social, pleasurable, or it might make them feel better temporarily, etc, so it can be very hard to untangle all that.

Some of the plates on that thread (eg, the roasts), I did honestly wonder how anyone could eat that much without feeling sick, unless the plate is much smaller than it looks, but that's just me and just because it would be too much for me, doesn't mean it's wrong to eat that amount, which is also why I didn't comment on it.

Does it mean that person is greedy or has overeaten ... who knows? Not necessarily.

Does it mean I'm a competitive under-eater (I'm really not) because it's too much for me... again, no or who knows unless you know me and my circumstances?

I think a lot of these angry responses stem either from guilt because that person does think they eat too much or too little, or from this new trend of being offended on someone else's behalf.

Obviously, I'm sure there's also a few that just enjoy being argumentative, but I just don't get the bickering and insults that often end up being thrown about.

It's a forum, if something annoys or upsets you, just disengage and move on.

You're unlikely to change someone else's opinion anyway, so you may as well just save yourself the stress.

These points can also be extrapolated to most threads, eg, regarding income, spending habits, cooking skills, relationships, etc.

What is a lot of money to someone obviously depends on where you live, how many people you're supporting, bills you have, etc.

Cooking from scratch again has a lot of variables, as do spending habits and anything else you can think of.

It feels like Mumsnet has become quite a mean place, rather than the supportive place it could be.

I don't know if it's just because people are generally unhappier nowadays, and so they take it out on others online because it's anonymous.

What are other people's views on this?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 06/02/2026 15:17

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 14:44

Food threads are always really weird on here. The competitive under eating and competetive over eating does exist. I do think many of those posters have food issues, possible EDs, as they pop up on lots of food threads to tell us how little or how much they eat. They often talk obsessively about food, telling us how they eat so much or that they’re full after tiny amounts, UPFs, feeling guilty about eating too much or insisting they don’t feel guilty when no one said they should. They also often feel the need to tell us that their clothes size, weight, that they have to buy children’s clothes etc. It’s very common to do all of these things when you have food issues/EDs.

People with a healthy relationship with food do have times when they eat more or less, but they don’t talk about it obsessively, like they’re trying to cover up an issue and appear normal.

The site has a reputation for resembling pro ana sites at times unfortunately.

I agree.

Let's face it. No one who is completely happy or content in their own size, weight or eating habits is going to give a shit what other people eat really.

I don't mean that everyone who posts has an issue but the ones who get angry probably do.

I looked at that thread (for example) and I thought, no way could I eat 5 fish fingers!

Actually, I probably could but, were I to eat that meal, I'd only give myself 3 because that would feel the right amount and I wouldn't have been hungry afterwards.

(Except that I wouldn't have eaten that meal because I don't eat fish fingers or potato waffly/chip things! UPFs and all that... 😜)

I dislike the phrase 'competitive undereaters' as much as I dislike comments about greedy people 'shovelling' food in because they're both intended to shame.

But, yes, I think anyone slinging around insults related to other people's eating habits and portion sizes (in either direction) are probably people who should get their own glass house in order before they start throwing stones.

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/02/2026 15:18

lightand · 06/02/2026 15:02

It isnt just this forum that is getting spikier.

Not sure what can be done tbh.

Thats true. Mumsnet is no different than fb or reddit or any other place.
What's most interesting is the idea that it ought to be.
Because it's mostly women? Mostly mums?

GreyCarpet · 06/02/2026 15:18

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/02/2026 15:18

Thats true. Mumsnet is no different than fb or reddit or any other place.
What's most interesting is the idea that it ought to be.
Because it's mostly women? Mostly mums?

Yup.

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 15:25

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 15:12

Some are, some arent, its not one job lot of people. People love discussing food, in all countries and all cultures and some of that is about type and provenance, some of it is about amount and how to provide it, what it does or doesnt do for you. It doesnt mean someone is 'proud' of either.

On the thread the OP asked a question, most people were simply answering. They then get attacked for it.

I’ve been very clear about the type of post I’m meaning. They are people with disordered eating and although they’re ill themselves, they can harm others when trying to normalise it.

I wouldn’t ever be nasty or bitchy about it because they are ill and I’ve seen how devastating disordered eating can be to individuals and their families. People need help though, not telling that being full after tiny portions which won’t be meeting nutritional needs is normal, from others who likely have disordered eating too.

I know 2 people who post on here who have had anorexia and bulimia for 20 years. They display all the behaviours in real life and on here that I have talked about. One regularly posts on here to tell others all the food that they’ve binged on, laughs along with others who join in to say they’ve had 3 McDonald’s, a packet of Jaffa cakes and a multipack of crisps for lunch and that they don’t even feel guilty. No one asked. She does feel guilty, that’s the problem. The talking about it is all part of her eating disorder, trying to prove it’s normal and she’s fine when she’s not.

GreyCarpet · 06/02/2026 15:29

In real life everyone I know varies their portion size depending on many factors.

My mum was very strict about portion sizes and I adopted them like some kind of natural law.

I almost malfunctioned the first time I saw someone have 3 weetabix! 😅 I had no idea it was even possible!

Perhaps some people haven't had their Weetabix Moment yet.

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 15:30

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 15:25

I’ve been very clear about the type of post I’m meaning. They are people with disordered eating and although they’re ill themselves, they can harm others when trying to normalise it.

I wouldn’t ever be nasty or bitchy about it because they are ill and I’ve seen how devastating disordered eating can be to individuals and their families. People need help though, not telling that being full after tiny portions which won’t be meeting nutritional needs is normal, from others who likely have disordered eating too.

I know 2 people who post on here who have had anorexia and bulimia for 20 years. They display all the behaviours in real life and on here that I have talked about. One regularly posts on here to tell others all the food that they’ve binged on, laughs along with others who join in to say they’ve had 3 McDonald’s, a packet of Jaffa cakes and a multipack of crisps for lunch and that they don’t even feel guilty. No one asked. She does feel guilty, that’s the problem. The talking about it is all part of her eating disorder, trying to prove it’s normal and she’s fine when she’s not.

If you know them, thats different

But on the basis of a post, people are very certain of their diagnosis for someone. Ive worked in MH and with people with a wide range of disorders and conditions over the years but I would never say 'they are people with disordered eating'. You cannot possibly know that

I put claims like that in the category of-

Narcs
ND
PD
Controlling

and all manner of diagnoses and presenting behaviours that people claim to know a poster has or hasnt got.

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 15:35

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 15:30

If you know them, thats different

But on the basis of a post, people are very certain of their diagnosis for someone. Ive worked in MH and with people with a wide range of disorders and conditions over the years but I would never say 'they are people with disordered eating'. You cannot possibly know that

I put claims like that in the category of-

Narcs
ND
PD
Controlling

and all manner of diagnoses and presenting behaviours that people claim to know a poster has or hasnt got.

They’re displaying behaviours that are common in people with disordered eating. It’s often the same posters on the food threads saying things which are textbook for disordered eating.

Anyway, I wish mumsnet would be more responsible about it. I wish posters would think before being nasty because it’s very possible that the people they’re being horrible to have issues with food. The problem is that the people with these issues can be very judgemental themselves because they’re so deep into their illness, they then offend people and people react.

BillieWiper · 06/02/2026 15:36

Well I certainly couldn't care less what size portions of food other people eat. When eating out I'm the type that would probably rather have a bit too much on my plate, as it would feel like good value. But I guess it just means I'm greedy?!

Fizbosshoes · 06/02/2026 16:00

I used to have an ED and I feel like MN is full of eating disorder behaviour. I deliberately don't read what do you eat in a day threads because a) after a page its unbelievably dull, and b) i know it would make me feel shit about myself, when in reality I know i am so much healthier than when I weighed 3 stone less.

Yes of course I realise people have different sized appetites - and some people portion control to try to lose weight, some may possibly be trying to gain weight....but its all the earnest "I couldn't possibly eat more than <insert portion you'd give to a toddler> " that grates.

Also any post about models potentially being underweight, people falling over themselves to say they are naturally a size 4 and eat as much as they want, but just love salads and vegetables and dont like creamy sauces , carbs or anything sweet and go to the gym everyday for the joy of working out ....Hmm

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 21:08

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/02/2026 11:56

Its amazing how much people generally care about trivial shit that doesn't affect them.
You should start a thread about scones.
It'll be a bloodbath.

The trick is not to give a fuck what opinions strangers have about trivial shit that doesnt affect them.

🤣🤣I won't have a bad word said about scones (pronounced sgones? of course), but the correct way to eat them is cream first and then jam 😂😂

🫣

OP posts:
HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 21:09

ReturnOfTheToad · 06/02/2026 12:59

Well I'm grateful that some people get riled up over little things. I wouldn't be arsed reading forums if everyone just said 'you do you hun'. At the end of the day does someone really need 'support' over the size of their dinner, do you really think op posted it for support or for a bit of entertainment? My money is on entertainment and mumsnet didn't let her down. Sometimes it's OK to just sit back and laugh at the absurdity.

Also very true

OP posts:
HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 21:18

CurlewKate · 06/02/2026 14:47

I’ve that you felt it necessary to say that you “often forget to eat til mid afternoon”🤣Such a Mumsnet trope…

Actually, I prefaced that with "if I'm busy" I often forget to eat until the afternoon and I didn't say anything about then only eating 1 meal that day, and I also didn't say it was a common occurrence, because it isn't.

I was more making the point that things can be different from one day to the next. If I eat 6 times in a day, I'd most likely eat less at each sitting, whereas if I only ate twice on 1 day, I'm more likely to have much bigger portions at those meals.

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 06/02/2026 21:20

JaquelineHide · 06/02/2026 12:54

There's a lot of it on Mumsnet, and it has become annoying. It does come across as competitive, or worse, promoting disordered eating. A lot of the time it's unnecessary too, as the OP wasn't asking for opinions in portion sixe.

Sure, overeating is not good either, but there doesn’t seem to be as much bragging about that.

the OP wasn't asking for opinions in portion sixe

???

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5486512-is-this-too-big-a-portion?latest=1

I missed the thread, but the title seems to contradict your recall of it.

Is this too big a portion? | Mumsnet

Context that my dad said he couldn’t believe I was eating “all that” don’t judge the oven food, it’s Thursday and I’m tired!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5486512-is-this-too-big-a-portion?latest=1

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 06/02/2026 21:21

FiftyShadesOfPurple · 06/02/2026 13:38

This thread is now going exactly the same way with people debating how many fish fingers are 'appropriate'.

Can't people see it's pointless? Unless someone asks for an analysis of their diet, and includes everything they eat throughout the entire day, there is nothing to be gained by assessing a portion-size of fish fingers. It might be the only substantial meal the person has in the day, or it might come on top of a large lunch and snacks - you cannot judge a person's diet by one meal.

100% threads about portion sizes are pointless.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 06/02/2026 21:23

nixon1976 · 06/02/2026 13:19

This. That thread was unhinged. Very few people would call two fish fingers, a tiny portion of veg and 2-3 waffle fries a full meal. People say they eat that to be competitive, mean and to put the OP down.

And yet, those very few people exist and to allege that it is only said to be mean is to deny their existence and ascribe ill intent.

Notsosweetcaroline · 06/02/2026 21:24

I think there are some klaxon calls on here, cheating and how much you eat are two big ones, cool wives and competitive under eaters are key buzzwords, like teeny tiny or baffled, it is what it is,

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 21:26

FiftyShadesOfPurple · 06/02/2026 13:38

This thread is now going exactly the same way with people debating how many fish fingers are 'appropriate'.

Can't people see it's pointless? Unless someone asks for an analysis of their diet, and includes everything they eat throughout the entire day, there is nothing to be gained by assessing a portion-size of fish fingers. It might be the only substantial meal the person has in the day, or it might come on top of a large lunch and snacks - you cannot judge a person's diet by one meal.

You've summed up pretty well the point I was trying to make, but without all my waffle 😂

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 06/02/2026 21:30

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 21:18

Actually, I prefaced that with "if I'm busy" I often forget to eat until the afternoon and I didn't say anything about then only eating 1 meal that day, and I also didn't say it was a common occurrence, because it isn't.

I was more making the point that things can be different from one day to the next. If I eat 6 times in a day, I'd most likely eat less at each sitting, whereas if I only ate twice on 1 day, I'm more likely to have much bigger portions at those meals.

I sometimes forget to eat, but there is a reason and it is called ADHD. Of course it balances out with random impulse eating of entire bags of peanut M&Ms also by reason of ADHD.

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