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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do posters get so riled up by different opinions/ portion sizes?

68 replies

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 10:46

It amazes me that posters get so wound up by others that have a different opinion to them. Almost like they think they're only doing it to be contrary.

For eg, on the portion size thread, the bitchiness and incredulity of posters baffles me.

Portion sizes for most food has recommended guidelines, which I tend to follow, but that doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone.

Some may need less due to medical or health issues, a different way of eating (eg, little and often), what else they've eaten on that particular day, etc.

Conversely, other may need more due to having a manual labour job, or generally being more active/ higher metabolism, or simply not having eaten much on that particular day.

Personally, I can't generally eat a lot in one go, although when I was younger I definitely could. 😂

Nowadays, I'm more likely to graze throughout the day, although if I'm busy, I'll often forget to eat until late afternoon.

This is partly due to health issues that I have developed over the years, and partly because I've probably just got used to eating less, so I feel fuller quicker.

I also eat a lot slower than I used to and that has definitely made me realise sooner when I'm full, rather than eating really quickly and then realising too late that it was too much, and I should've stopped 5 mouthfuls before.

Do I overeat? Of course, sometimes I still do, especially if I'm really hungry, I might eat too fast, and then eat too much and be full. Or I might just be really enjoying that steak and not want to savour it and not waste it. Usually, that would mean is save it for later, but sometimes I finish it even though I know I don't need it.

Does that mean someone else eating the same amount as me is also overeating? Not necessarily. There's so many variables it's hard to say.

Also, for many people, food isn't just fuel, it's social, pleasurable, or it might make them feel better temporarily, etc, so it can be very hard to untangle all that.

Some of the plates on that thread (eg, the roasts), I did honestly wonder how anyone could eat that much without feeling sick, unless the plate is much smaller than it looks, but that's just me and just because it would be too much for me, doesn't mean it's wrong to eat that amount, which is also why I didn't comment on it.

Does it mean that person is greedy or has overeaten ... who knows? Not necessarily.

Does it mean I'm a competitive under-eater (I'm really not) because it's too much for me... again, no or who knows unless you know me and my circumstances?

I think a lot of these angry responses stem either from guilt because that person does think they eat too much or too little, or from this new trend of being offended on someone else's behalf.

Obviously, I'm sure there's also a few that just enjoy being argumentative, but I just don't get the bickering and insults that often end up being thrown about.

It's a forum, if something annoys or upsets you, just disengage and move on.

You're unlikely to change someone else's opinion anyway, so you may as well just save yourself the stress.

These points can also be extrapolated to most threads, eg, regarding income, spending habits, cooking skills, relationships, etc.

What is a lot of money to someone obviously depends on where you live, how many people you're supporting, bills you have, etc.

Cooking from scratch again has a lot of variables, as do spending habits and anything else you can think of.

It feels like Mumsnet has become quite a mean place, rather than the supportive place it could be.

I don't know if it's just because people are generally unhappier nowadays, and so they take it out on others online because it's anonymous.

What are other people's views on this?

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 06/02/2026 13:34

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/02/2026 11:56

Its amazing how much people generally care about trivial shit that doesn't affect them.
You should start a thread about scones.
It'll be a bloodbath.

The trick is not to give a fuck what opinions strangers have about trivial shit that doesnt affect them.

Would that be a thread about scowns or sconns? Can we also include, in preparation for Summer, a discussion about cream and jam, their ranking in the preparation especially?

FiftyShadesOfPurple · 06/02/2026 13:38

This thread is now going exactly the same way with people debating how many fish fingers are 'appropriate'.

Can't people see it's pointless? Unless someone asks for an analysis of their diet, and includes everything they eat throughout the entire day, there is nothing to be gained by assessing a portion-size of fish fingers. It might be the only substantial meal the person has in the day, or it might come on top of a large lunch and snacks - you cannot judge a person's diet by one meal.

Duckyfondant · 06/02/2026 13:41

I would say the length of your original post suggests you're a bit riled up, so maybe you can answer your own question OP

Terroror · 06/02/2026 13:45

Agix · 06/02/2026 10:49

Almost as weird as writing multiple paragraphs about your personal eating habits with bafflingly unnecessary detail, thinly disguised as a thread about how mean mumsnet is.

Whoooooooooosh!

As the point goes flying overhead.

ViciousCurrentBun · 06/02/2026 13:52

Because many people even if genuinely unaware, aware on in denial are often dealing with disordered eating. So any commentary on food, portion sizes and weight has peoples heads working overtime.

ShakyFridge · 06/02/2026 13:55

Most of the portion sizes are not enough for an average woman let alone a tall well-built.adult man. They divide stuff up so they can look better on those traffic light labels for fat, sugar etc. If I ate the recommended half a carton of soup for lunch I would keel over by 6pm.

Sensiblesal · 06/02/2026 13:58

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 10:46

It amazes me that posters get so wound up by others that have a different opinion to them. Almost like they think they're only doing it to be contrary.

For eg, on the portion size thread, the bitchiness and incredulity of posters baffles me.

Portion sizes for most food has recommended guidelines, which I tend to follow, but that doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone.

Some may need less due to medical or health issues, a different way of eating (eg, little and often), what else they've eaten on that particular day, etc.

Conversely, other may need more due to having a manual labour job, or generally being more active/ higher metabolism, or simply not having eaten much on that particular day.

Personally, I can't generally eat a lot in one go, although when I was younger I definitely could. 😂

Nowadays, I'm more likely to graze throughout the day, although if I'm busy, I'll often forget to eat until late afternoon.

This is partly due to health issues that I have developed over the years, and partly because I've probably just got used to eating less, so I feel fuller quicker.

I also eat a lot slower than I used to and that has definitely made me realise sooner when I'm full, rather than eating really quickly and then realising too late that it was too much, and I should've stopped 5 mouthfuls before.

Do I overeat? Of course, sometimes I still do, especially if I'm really hungry, I might eat too fast, and then eat too much and be full. Or I might just be really enjoying that steak and not want to savour it and not waste it. Usually, that would mean is save it for later, but sometimes I finish it even though I know I don't need it.

Does that mean someone else eating the same amount as me is also overeating? Not necessarily. There's so many variables it's hard to say.

Also, for many people, food isn't just fuel, it's social, pleasurable, or it might make them feel better temporarily, etc, so it can be very hard to untangle all that.

Some of the plates on that thread (eg, the roasts), I did honestly wonder how anyone could eat that much without feeling sick, unless the plate is much smaller than it looks, but that's just me and just because it would be too much for me, doesn't mean it's wrong to eat that amount, which is also why I didn't comment on it.

Does it mean that person is greedy or has overeaten ... who knows? Not necessarily.

Does it mean I'm a competitive under-eater (I'm really not) because it's too much for me... again, no or who knows unless you know me and my circumstances?

I think a lot of these angry responses stem either from guilt because that person does think they eat too much or too little, or from this new trend of being offended on someone else's behalf.

Obviously, I'm sure there's also a few that just enjoy being argumentative, but I just don't get the bickering and insults that often end up being thrown about.

It's a forum, if something annoys or upsets you, just disengage and move on.

You're unlikely to change someone else's opinion anyway, so you may as well just save yourself the stress.

These points can also be extrapolated to most threads, eg, regarding income, spending habits, cooking skills, relationships, etc.

What is a lot of money to someone obviously depends on where you live, how many people you're supporting, bills you have, etc.

Cooking from scratch again has a lot of variables, as do spending habits and anything else you can think of.

It feels like Mumsnet has become quite a mean place, rather than the supportive place it could be.

I don't know if it's just because people are generally unhappier nowadays, and so they take it out on others online because it's anonymous.

What are other people's views on this?

Its the same on those rate my plate sites. Guaranteed there is alway comments that say looks lovely but I couldn’t eat that much or that would do me for a week etc.

it’s just people with food issues trying to make themselves feel better by projecting onto others

GordonRamsey · 06/02/2026 14:11

The perfect portion size is an empty Pot Noodle pot. I use it for everything.

It works for corn flakes, potato chips, soup, bath salts, paint, anti-freeze, croutons, zoflora and white wine.

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/02/2026 14:20

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/02/2026 12:49

Who TF has a bad thing to say about scones?

We attack at dawn.

Oof. You can't have been here for the Great Cream Tea War of 2004!
Pronounced scone or scon, jam or cream first, it was awful. Lives were lost.

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/02/2026 14:21

JudgeJ · 06/02/2026 13:34

Would that be a thread about scowns or sconns? Can we also include, in preparation for Summer, a discussion about cream and jam, their ranking in the preparation especially?

I see you are a fellow survivor.

ShakyFridge · 06/02/2026 14:28

GordonRamsey · 06/02/2026 14:11

The perfect portion size is an empty Pot Noodle pot. I use it for everything.

It works for corn flakes, potato chips, soup, bath salts, paint, anti-freeze, croutons, zoflora and white wine.

King or standard?

BlueOrangeRed · 06/02/2026 14:44

Yeah, that fish fingers thread was pretty unhinged.

As well as the inability of some posters to understand appetites vary between people, there seemed to be no nuance that what the same person eats can vary a lot from day to day.

So for example: eating a big dinner one day because you had a small or early lunch; eating snacks one day but not another day; going for a 5k run one day and being completely sedentary another day; eating more one day because of your menstrual cycle etc.

Bur so many posters in that thread were adamant that 2 fishfingers, or 4 or 6 or whatever, was the only acceptable portion size for them, at all times and in all circumstances. In real life everyone I know varies their portion size depending on many factors.

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 14:44

Food threads are always really weird on here. The competitive under eating and competetive over eating does exist. I do think many of those posters have food issues, possible EDs, as they pop up on lots of food threads to tell us how little or how much they eat. They often talk obsessively about food, telling us how they eat so much or that they’re full after tiny amounts, UPFs, feeling guilty about eating too much or insisting they don’t feel guilty when no one said they should. They also often feel the need to tell us that their clothes size, weight, that they have to buy children’s clothes etc. It’s very common to do all of these things when you have food issues/EDs.

People with a healthy relationship with food do have times when they eat more or less, but they don’t talk about it obsessively, like they’re trying to cover up an issue and appear normal.

The site has a reputation for resembling pro ana sites at times unfortunately.

CurlewKate · 06/02/2026 14:47

HUNGRY4MORE · 06/02/2026 10:46

It amazes me that posters get so wound up by others that have a different opinion to them. Almost like they think they're only doing it to be contrary.

For eg, on the portion size thread, the bitchiness and incredulity of posters baffles me.

Portion sizes for most food has recommended guidelines, which I tend to follow, but that doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone.

Some may need less due to medical or health issues, a different way of eating (eg, little and often), what else they've eaten on that particular day, etc.

Conversely, other may need more due to having a manual labour job, or generally being more active/ higher metabolism, or simply not having eaten much on that particular day.

Personally, I can't generally eat a lot in one go, although when I was younger I definitely could. 😂

Nowadays, I'm more likely to graze throughout the day, although if I'm busy, I'll often forget to eat until late afternoon.

This is partly due to health issues that I have developed over the years, and partly because I've probably just got used to eating less, so I feel fuller quicker.

I also eat a lot slower than I used to and that has definitely made me realise sooner when I'm full, rather than eating really quickly and then realising too late that it was too much, and I should've stopped 5 mouthfuls before.

Do I overeat? Of course, sometimes I still do, especially if I'm really hungry, I might eat too fast, and then eat too much and be full. Or I might just be really enjoying that steak and not want to savour it and not waste it. Usually, that would mean is save it for later, but sometimes I finish it even though I know I don't need it.

Does that mean someone else eating the same amount as me is also overeating? Not necessarily. There's so many variables it's hard to say.

Also, for many people, food isn't just fuel, it's social, pleasurable, or it might make them feel better temporarily, etc, so it can be very hard to untangle all that.

Some of the plates on that thread (eg, the roasts), I did honestly wonder how anyone could eat that much without feeling sick, unless the plate is much smaller than it looks, but that's just me and just because it would be too much for me, doesn't mean it's wrong to eat that amount, which is also why I didn't comment on it.

Does it mean that person is greedy or has overeaten ... who knows? Not necessarily.

Does it mean I'm a competitive under-eater (I'm really not) because it's too much for me... again, no or who knows unless you know me and my circumstances?

I think a lot of these angry responses stem either from guilt because that person does think they eat too much or too little, or from this new trend of being offended on someone else's behalf.

Obviously, I'm sure there's also a few that just enjoy being argumentative, but I just don't get the bickering and insults that often end up being thrown about.

It's a forum, if something annoys or upsets you, just disengage and move on.

You're unlikely to change someone else's opinion anyway, so you may as well just save yourself the stress.

These points can also be extrapolated to most threads, eg, regarding income, spending habits, cooking skills, relationships, etc.

What is a lot of money to someone obviously depends on where you live, how many people you're supporting, bills you have, etc.

Cooking from scratch again has a lot of variables, as do spending habits and anything else you can think of.

It feels like Mumsnet has become quite a mean place, rather than the supportive place it could be.

I don't know if it's just because people are generally unhappier nowadays, and so they take it out on others online because it's anonymous.

What are other people's views on this?

I’ve that you felt it necessary to say that you “often forget to eat til mid afternoon”🤣Such a Mumsnet trope…

BlueOrangeRed · 06/02/2026 14:55

CurlewKate · 06/02/2026 14:47

I’ve that you felt it necessary to say that you “often forget to eat til mid afternoon”🤣Such a Mumsnet trope…

Or casually mentioning that they only eat one meal a day, as that’s such a normal and widespread thing to do. And it’s so common they even have an acronym - OMAD - for it.

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 14:55

CurlewKate · 06/02/2026 14:47

I’ve that you felt it necessary to say that you “often forget to eat til mid afternoon”🤣Such a Mumsnet trope…

Yes, that’s another classic line. I’ve seen posters say they can forget to eat for a couple of days and that’s normal. The food threads on here make me feel sad that there are so many people suffering with disordered eating, but also angry that they’re trying to normalise the disordered. I’d like to see mumsnet act a bit more responsibly on this issue because it can be harmful.

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 14:57

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 14:44

Food threads are always really weird on here. The competitive under eating and competetive over eating does exist. I do think many of those posters have food issues, possible EDs, as they pop up on lots of food threads to tell us how little or how much they eat. They often talk obsessively about food, telling us how they eat so much or that they’re full after tiny amounts, UPFs, feeling guilty about eating too much or insisting they don’t feel guilty when no one said they should. They also often feel the need to tell us that their clothes size, weight, that they have to buy children’s clothes etc. It’s very common to do all of these things when you have food issues/EDs.

People with a healthy relationship with food do have times when they eat more or less, but they don’t talk about it obsessively, like they’re trying to cover up an issue and appear normal.

The site has a reputation for resembling pro ana sites at times unfortunately.

You obviously dont know many chefs and people interested in food, or people abroad where food is a massive topic, what did you eat, where is it from, how did you cook it. Its universal

The issue with posters on here is that they get angry if someone isnt eating as much as they think someone should or shouldnt, including throwing around clearly made up nonsense about their toddler being able to pack it away like a manual labourer. Some of the posts on that fishginger thread are really bitchy piss taking aimed at people with small appetites. It would be removed if it was about people eating more rather than less.

Using the phrase teeny tinies, lets swap that to massive fatties and laughing about how they cant survive unless they've eating a bucket of porridge that morning and 16 eggs by midday.

Q2C4 · 06/02/2026 14:59

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/02/2026 12:49

Who TF has a bad thing to say about scones?

We attack at dawn.

Whatever you do, don’t ask people how the pronounce “scones.”

ShakyFridge · 06/02/2026 15:00

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 14:57

You obviously dont know many chefs and people interested in food, or people abroad where food is a massive topic, what did you eat, where is it from, how did you cook it. Its universal

The issue with posters on here is that they get angry if someone isnt eating as much as they think someone should or shouldnt, including throwing around clearly made up nonsense about their toddler being able to pack it away like a manual labourer. Some of the posts on that fishginger thread are really bitchy piss taking aimed at people with small appetites. It would be removed if it was about people eating more rather than less.

Using the phrase teeny tinies, lets swap that to massive fatties and laughing about how they cant survive unless they've eating a bucket of porridge that morning and 16 eggs by midday.

Chefs and foodies are talking about the food content, not the portion size. The poster you replied to said they are talking about the amount of food obsessively.

On your other point - I'm sorry but "massive fatties" will always have far more negative societal connotations than "teeny tinies".

lightand · 06/02/2026 15:02

It isnt just this forum that is getting spikier.

Not sure what can be done tbh.

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 15:02

ShakyFridge · 06/02/2026 15:00

Chefs and foodies are talking about the food content, not the portion size. The poster you replied to said they are talking about the amount of food obsessively.

On your other point - I'm sorry but "massive fatties" will always have far more negative societal connotations than "teeny tinies".

Its nasty and bitchy and shouldnt be allowed to stand. Im amazed it is

Shaming and piss taking about peoples personal food choices is disgusting.

You're minimising the nastiness. Which says a lot.

Mithral · 06/02/2026 15:03

GordonRamsey · 06/02/2026 14:11

The perfect portion size is an empty Pot Noodle pot. I use it for everything.

It works for corn flakes, potato chips, soup, bath salts, paint, anti-freeze, croutons, zoflora and white wine.

This has really tickled me 😂

ShakyFridge · 06/02/2026 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 15:07

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 14:57

You obviously dont know many chefs and people interested in food, or people abroad where food is a massive topic, what did you eat, where is it from, how did you cook it. Its universal

The issue with posters on here is that they get angry if someone isnt eating as much as they think someone should or shouldnt, including throwing around clearly made up nonsense about their toddler being able to pack it away like a manual labourer. Some of the posts on that fishginger thread are really bitchy piss taking aimed at people with small appetites. It would be removed if it was about people eating more rather than less.

Using the phrase teeny tinies, lets swap that to massive fatties and laughing about how they cant survive unless they've eating a bucket of porridge that morning and 16 eggs by midday.

They aren’t discussing cooking techniques or where they got it from, they’re discussing calories, whether it’s a lot or not, being proud of under eating or over eating, guilt for eating, clothes size, telling us they forget to eat for daysetc.

I grew up in Italy so food is a big thing. I have also worked with people who have eating disorders and know the signs and behaviours.

soupyspoon · 06/02/2026 15:12

LazyFriday · 06/02/2026 15:07

They aren’t discussing cooking techniques or where they got it from, they’re discussing calories, whether it’s a lot or not, being proud of under eating or over eating, guilt for eating, clothes size, telling us they forget to eat for daysetc.

I grew up in Italy so food is a big thing. I have also worked with people who have eating disorders and know the signs and behaviours.

Some are, some arent, its not one job lot of people. People love discussing food, in all countries and all cultures and some of that is about type and provenance, some of it is about amount and how to provide it, what it does or doesnt do for you. It doesnt mean someone is 'proud' of either.

On the thread the OP asked a question, most people were simply answering. They then get attacked for it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread