DD is from a 'bad family'

[SecretSwirrel]

Lone parent here with very little family support due to aging parents etc. But I am managing the best I can.

Dd is also awaiting ADHD diagnosis so obvs parenting comes with challenges. She masks a lot at school so I don't think this has been said in retaliation how she has behaved....

She has come home today very upset, a boy in her class has told her she's from a 'bad family'. I have been sensing slightly off, judgy vibes from his mum so tbh I'm not really surprised. Only this woman is actually a teacher (thankfully not at the same school).

How do I educate my DD to stand up to these hateful comments?

This, go to the school you and your Dd don't have to put up with this nonsense,

You can tell her that people are snobs and this boy has learned to say these horrible things from adults. Then advise she ignores him.

As with anything in life where someone is judging, I tell my kids to prove them wrong. This carries through to the workplace, plenty of opportunities to prove to people their opinion is incorrect.

BreakingBroken "Leading an ethical and righteous life!" what is she in training to be a Nun? Judgy comments from narrow minded people who should know better .Learning to ignore them and living their own life to the full is best

I always told my kids that if they are ever bullied or people say bad things about them that they should try to feel pity for the bully or bad-mouther. They obviously have some personality deficiency (bullies are often cowards) or perhaps have had a hard time in life and are taking it out on them. It is nothing to do with them and they should not take it personally. People who have to put others down often do it to feel superior because they feel inferior or anxious about themselves. Its basic psychology. So, basically: detach. "Its not you, its them: feel sorry for them."

It might be you, as much as your child, that needs to hear this.

Anyway, in this case, it is only one person, so should be easily ignored.

'Better watch your back then, 'bad families' don't tend to take well to being insulted'. Said with a grin and a raised eye brow. A bit of banter back is often a good way to defuse teenage silliness IME.

This does not sound like an instance of bullying, tbf. Not sure where you got "7 hours of bullying" from after one comment.

But my general view is that is the case, yes. And it is what I told my kids. This is advice on how they can cope with it, psychologically, and not on what I would do if there was actual; bullying Obv. I would take objective action.

This

The most judgemental, snobbish and nasty people I have ever met have often been teachers for some reason. I guess they get channeled into dealing with what they perceive as certain types of families and children and make snap judgements accordingly.

I’ve been at the bitter end of that judgement so I know how it stings.

I would tell your DC that saying things like that is nasty and untrue and to ignore it.

Two parent families with money don’t automatically equal good. Manners are free, no one likes judgemental snooty people.
Your DD needs to ignore this self righteous little snob. Tell her to ignore him, he’ll eventually be rude to others and will be disliked.
I don’t know what age your daughter is. In secondary school many children’s parents have divorced.

The best respnse here would be to laugh at what he has said - just as you woud at anything else that is ridiculous. However that is very hard to pull off if she actually feels hurt, as most kids are not great at acting, and we can spot fake laughter a mile off. In which case, if she really does want to say something then best keep it short and simple: "That comment says more about you than it does about me"

Tell her to

1. Ignore it this time
2. If he says it again, reply "My family are good enough to have taught me not to be cruel to others"
3. If he says it a third time, contact the school - absolutely contravenes the national anti-bullying guidelines

I'd speak to dds teacher , child came home upset from school about something said to her , just to give teacher a heads up . Even if it's never pursued the teacher knows to keep an eye on the situation. Teacher may just have a word with the children and that might be enough.

Tell DD she doesn't have to care about the opinions of judgemental, unpleasant people.

Tell her to ignore it. eye roll and walk away. Not rise to every bit of provocation that comes her way.

Yes, pity is all they deserve. You don't think that pitying someone is a good thing? An endorsement of their actions? No. My kids managed to rise above it and it has actually stood them in good stead in standing up to bullies because they do not think of them as bigger or better than them - they seem them for what they are, pathetic, weak, and cowardly.

To illustrate: another mum told me that my son had been involved in a bullying incident where a bunch of kids had ganged up on another boy. I was told that my son was involved in the bullying. I went to the school and enquired. It turned out that my son was the only one in the group who had stood with the bullied child, had defended him from the others and had calmed things down. The bullied child's mother sent me a note and we were all invited to tea at their house; when my son left that school, he stayed in touch with the bullied child, who, by the way, was never bullied again.

I realise that there are worse cases of bullying but standing up to bullies is easier if you see them as weak, which is what they are.

I think that telling a child who is being bullied to “pity” the bully is not going to actually help them in any shape or form. And quite frankly is patronising and dismissive.

I also think that the approach what to tell your DD depends on their age very much and the context.

Counter point - has your DD been horrible or been arguing with this boy?

Maybe the Mums turned around and tried to excuse/explain your daughters behaviour by saying "well not everyone comes from a nice home - maybe she has things going on and thats why shes not being very nice" and the son has interpreted this as "you're from a bad home".