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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants another holiday with friends

29 replies

MerryRedBiscuit · 04/02/2026 21:44

Around 18months ago my husband went abroad with a group of friends (inc. his brother). I am a teacher and it was in term time so I was unable to go. Then last year he went on a stag do abroad and to a wedding abroad (again in term time).
This year we are hoping to have a family holiday with our two teenagers - which we have not done for several years. He’s now said that his friends are planning another ‘friends holiday’ during a time I can’t make (term time!!). I’ve said I don’t think we can afford both. He’s now being really off with me…. Am I being unreasonable?! To have a nice family holiday abroad will be a bit of a stretch financially and now he’s trying to squeeze in another friends trip. I just feel like he’s prioritising his friends over family.

OP posts:
Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 21:50

Yes he is prioritising life as a single man over his life as a family man. He is being very selfish .
It doesn't sound as though he values your company OP.

ohyesido · 04/02/2026 21:51

Does he always sulk when he doesn’t get his own way?

Myfridgeiscool · 04/02/2026 21:54

Selfish git.
If he wants to have an extra holiday with his mates he’ll need to do overtime to fund it.
I despair at how utterly selfish men are.

Flatandhappy · 04/02/2026 21:56

Yes he is prioritising friends over family. You need to tell him to stop sulking - he will be very well aware that he has had lots of holidays you have missed but is hoping you will cave if he makes your life unpleasant. Call him out on it - my relationship with DH improved no end when I decided I would no longer put up with things for a quiet life and started calling him out on his sulking.

PurpleCoo · 04/02/2026 21:57

It really depends on the finances. If he has the money to do both. I don't see why it's a problem to go away with friends.

But if that means a family holiday can't happen due to limited finances, that's unreasonable of him

I think it's very normal for couples to holiday both together and separately. Especially if there are differences in annual leave allowance or disposable income. Or if there is somewhere one of a couple wants to go to, but the other isn't interested in.

I frequently travel with married female friends. I also travel alone a lot without my partner.

Pinkissmart · 04/02/2026 22:02

My ex husband did this.
He would spend money we didn’t have on holidays for himself. He too would ‘ask’ me , like I was his mum. I hated it. The last time he did this, he promised me he wouldn’t go until we could afford it. He broke his promise, and pouted when I reminded him.

I’m sad about all the time I spent tying myself in knots wondering if I was wrong to be upset about it. I wasn’t.

Your husband is not treating you or your marriage with respect.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 04/02/2026 22:06

If you can’t afford both, then he is being very selfish to put pressure on you about the ‘lads’ holiday. I’d be very firm that a family holiday needs to be the priority.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 04/02/2026 22:07

Selfish & sulky. What a prince.

You are so not being unreasonable. He needs to get a grip & put his family first. Teens will not want to go with mum & dad for much longer.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/02/2026 22:08

If both were easily affordable then maybe his plan would be ok. Maybe, although I would say you are still owed some solo trips if you get the chance.

But if he wants to do it at the expense of you and the kids having a nice family holiday then it’s deeply selfish of him, and quite shocking really. Surely he wants his own children to have an enjoyable holiday? And for it to be somewhere that you both will enjoy too?

Shinyandnew1 · 04/02/2026 22:13

I just feel like he’s prioritising his friends over family.

He is.

Have you made it clear that what he's doing and you can't afford both. Him getting a holiday means nobody else in the family can, again.

SpryLilacBird · 04/02/2026 22:13

Hi OP,

YANBU. In 18 months, he's been on holiday 3 times with friends, but you've not had a single family holiday. The family holiday should be the priority, followed by you getting the opportunity to go away with your girlfriends if you'd like to.

TreesinthePark · 05/02/2026 07:10

He is is being very selfish and you're not being unreasonable.
I would put my case forward calmly for a family holiday over the friends trip. But no way way would I be willing to argue or make demands over it.
I'm a bit proud in the sense that I'd feel the family holiday isn't worth going if I had to force my own husband to go. He should want to go with you all! (Disclaimer, I'm not married this is just my general attitude in life)

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 05/02/2026 07:29

I’m all for “me time” and I don’t think there’s anything wrong going on holiday with friends but they should never come before going away with your partner and children. If you can only afford one, you prioritise your family.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/02/2026 07:36

What a selfish man he is! The family holiday is the priority and then any extras need to be based on affordability. I would take a very dim view of my DH if he sulked about not being able to go on a lads holiday when we’d not been on holiday as a family for years.

OhCobblers · 05/02/2026 07:37

He’s a really selfish shit isn’t he? God and the sulking? Deeply unattractive.

dudsville · 05/02/2026 07:40

Is this a problem of communication? What t you've written makes me think the issue for you is about all of his holidays without you and the family, but what you said to him was about about finances. If money is the main issue then fair enough, and maybe you need to look at your finances together so that both are are and can plan life accordingly, but if it's about family time then that wasn't a clear communication to him.

Eenameenadeeka · 05/02/2026 07:46

I definitely don't think you're unreasonable, he went away 3x in 18 months while there hasn't been a family holiday in several years, if you really can't afford both then of course the family one should take priority.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/02/2026 08:18

How does he not know the affordability op.... that with the sulking sounds like you have another child.

PopcornKitten · 05/02/2026 20:32

He’s being really selfish but probably doesn’t see it as he’s always gone away with his mates. Now, he’s been told that it’s not fair and there isn’t the money for both trips he doesn’t like it.
you and the kids should come first, end of.

ZenNudist · 05/02/2026 20:35

SpryLilacBird · 04/02/2026 22:13

Hi OP,

YANBU. In 18 months, he's been on holiday 3 times with friends, but you've not had a single family holiday. The family holiday should be the priority, followed by you getting the opportunity to go away with your girlfriends if you'd like to.

Agree

VacayDreamer · 05/02/2026 20:37

Book and pay for the family holiday as quick as you can. He’s being very selfish

Minnie798 · 05/02/2026 20:44

If finances only allow for one holiday, it's the family one.
Does he have a plan to be able to fund both?
I don't think going abroad with friends is unreasonable. Term time is the sensible choice, it's much cheaper. Being surrounded by kids isn't the focus of that kind of holiday either.

5foot5 · 05/02/2026 20:51

Have you suggested that he should be the one to explain to your children that they won't be going on holiday (again) because he wants to spend the money going away for a good time himself (again)?

SapatSea · 05/02/2026 21:02

@5foot5 - spot on !

OfficerChurlish · 05/02/2026 21:02

If "being off" means he's punishing you for speaking up/not just agreeing to what he wants, that's a problem - the two of you need to discuss it rationally. How much of a formal or stated budget does your household have? If there's even a ballpark that's been discussed for what the family trip would likely cost, then it shouldn't be difficult for him to grasp that that money is not available and he'll need to come up with other ways to fund the friends trip if he's determined to go. If there aren't any specifics around what the normal yearly travel budget would be, maybe start with a ballpark of what the family trip might cost and/or what's been spent on holidays in prior years. It's probably most reasonable that he take money primarily from his own interests and hobbies and individual expenses to fund an individual trip, rather than taking it out of the household budget. (Be prepared, though, in case he says he'll sit out the family trip and take his portion of the holiday money to go alone.)