AIBU to not feel that 1 year alcohol free is an accomplishment? Feel flat about it all

[1year]

DH pointed out today that it has been over a year now since I last drank alcohol. When I first started trying to quit a year seemed impossible but now that I have I feel very hard on myself that it isn't that big a deal at all. That I should have 'got it' sooner. I could go 4 / 6 / 11 months without a drink at times.

Basically life imploded in 2019 I went to rehab. I had been a 'wine lover' until 3 months before rehab when things got way out of hand and I needed to go.

2020 - months off/ 'slip' for 2 ish days. Went to a Mental Health hospital. Really started getting to the core. But still so much I could not comprehend.

2021 - 3 miscarriages, each followed by a brief slip - always sober other wise
2022 - Baby no 1 - sober bar 2 nights when I thought I'd try it out. Not good for me. Very bad PPD
2023 - When life got very hard I had I think 3 slips total ( 2ish days each). Another miscarriage being one.

2024 - Baby no 2 arrives. Extreme PPD I mean worrying to the biggest degree. Ended up finally getting counselling. About 4 days total drinking that year

2025 - January so so so much trauma coming out of counselling + ADHD, who knew! Felt like I was totally worthless = 2 days slip. After thought no this time will be different.

Rest of year = so much counselling and still at it, I go to one that is specifically for adults abused as children.

Finally started to accept what had happened to me and that it was not my fault. I can see that all my prior 'slips' were when that hurt had no where to go. That I actually do deserve to be happy. I genuinely used to have zero self esteem, not that you'd have said that if you met me.

But I feel guilty over all the time I wasted getting here. DH says it was just that I wasn't there during the slips. I would go to our bedroom and shut the world out. But that outside of the slips, over those years we had a good life.

2025 had a LOT of difficulties but I have faced them without alcohol. Something I would have thought completely impossible 7 years ago.

I think I need to be a bit less hard on myself.

YABU - 1 year is a well done moment
YANBU - It is not something to be proud of

1 year is absolutely a well done moment!

And I agree with you - you should be less hard on yourself.

I think that’s a pretty phenomenal achievement, honestly. You should be proud.

Yes you should be so bloody proud of yourself.

Many of us without the challenges you have faced would struggle to go as long.

It sounds like you have been doing really well and working really hard since rehab tbh. Yes you have slipped up, but you have then got back sober. Every single time you did that is a win. Every day you choose sobriety is a win and there gave been lot of those.

It's amazing op so congratulations x

You absolutely are being too hard on yourself! You are being hard on yourself thinking you could have done it before now but you didn't have the tools then to do it!

You've had a few slips over the years granted, but they all seem quite small in the grand scheme of it. You sound like you have a very supportive husband.

A year sober might be not a big deal to someone who generally never drinks or never had trouble with alcohol (be it the quantum, the effect it has, the effect on others, whatever it may be be).... but to the same tune that running a 10k might not be a big deal to someone who runs 9k every day. It's just "a little extra". But if someone who struggled to or sometimes fell over, ran 10k you'd be delighted for them. You have fallen over in prior years but you've done your 10k now!

You've also shown yourself you can do it. So do it again if that's what's in your best interests! 🥰

Thank you. I think that some of it is that I just feel like I am making excuses as well for what happened. A lot of older style help/ advice to me felt like shame based. Which I really started to take in. But I actually needed to 'undo' all the shame I was carrying inside that did not belong to me.

Its an amazing achievement OP. A year means you've done all the stuff, Christmas, birthdays, high days and holidays alcohol free. It means you've been strong and brave and shown remarkable self control and determination.
The fact that you know all this and are still looking for something to blame yourself for says that you've a bit further to travel before you are prepared to see your own strengths and have the self esteem you deserve. So next step is working on your confidence. Because if you've managed what you have, then you should be proud.

You aren’t competing for a prize: you’re on a personal journey, where every period you go through and every challenge you face without the alcohol you’re trying to avoid is an achievement for you. Rather than focusing in terms of “failing” because you “slipped up” or feeling that a year isn’t long enough, you evaluate the whole. You reached a realisation, you made a decision, you changed your life and your approach to dealing with your troubles, you made great progress. Things are very rarely entirely linear, but each great step before the other, even if there’s a momentary set back in between, is what you build on ever higher as you go forwards. Well done.

Thank you. Strangely the stuff you all mentioned were never any of my slip moments. I haven't had a drink on Christmas/ birthday/ holidays/ funerals/ weddings any of those places and I genuinely still love going out. Although I often slip away when people get rowdy. There is nothing nicer than getting back to your own car, putting on ugg, going through the drive through and going home.

For me, it was the dark times when I would reach for a numbing agent to try and make it all vanish for a while. Facing up to all of that has been incredibly difficult.

You should be so so proud!

You are totally unreasonable! It's a massive achievement. You got it when you were ready to get it.

You've done the really difficult work and that level of self awareness and reflection takes a huge amount of courage.

Perhaps not feeling proud of yourself is a safety mechanism though, like not allowing yourself to be complacent and feeling like you've made it.

Part of ADHD is being hard on yourself. What you have done is genuinely a big achievement.

1 year is an an absolutely amazing 🤩 achievement 🎊🎊!!!
if you told me I couldn’t buy clothes for a year , I’d be mortified. I’m about to embark on a one Invisalign journey. Both seem pretty impossible to me right now.

but you’ve achieved something so much better and so much more important. Important for you, your family, your health…everything. My “one year” things above seem superficial and ridiculous compared to what you’ve achieved.

be proud of yourself, don’t let yourself feel any different. Tell everyone 🎊

Oh my goodness you are being incredibly hard on yourself!

That's a great achievement.

And you really, really shouldn't feel guilty about your previous slip backs.

I say this as someone who spent a lot of my adult life trying to solve my problems by drinking alcohol. It's taken me a long time to kick that mind set.

Well done you.

Absolutely well done. Having watched family members struggle with addiction I recognise how hard it is. Well done to your DH too it sounds as if he is ultra supportive and that is not to be taken lightly.

It’s a magnificent achievement.
Please stop being so hard on yourself. X

Congratulations @1year!! This is such a fantastic achievement. All the previous ‘slips’ have been building you up to making it a year (and beyond!). Honestly, you should be so proud of yourself.

As the child of an alcoholic, I can’t even begin to extol the beauty of this milestone. You are making a huge impact in your children’s lives and future. Each day you choose to stay sober, you are choosing them.

Please take pride in your accomplishment. We all face demons in life. You made a choice to battle yours and you are winning.

You are one super amazing woman. Respect.

I think a much bigger achievement than hitting the 1 year mark is this part of your OP:

2025 had a LOT of difficulties but I have faced them without alcohol. Something I would have thought completely impossible 7 years ago.

You have proven to yourself that you can get through things without alcohol. That is fucking amazing. Well done and remember this in future tough times xx

I am a child of two alcoholics as well. Started drinking when I was 13, with them. Not proud of it. Still going through it all with my ''mother'' there is so so much shame/ guilt and pain involved with her. It is really difficult to extract myself from it. And even hard to realise that it wasn't my fault. But that still at my core my building blocks were put down in correctly. I had no stable care giver for the first 4 years of life and I think that had a major impact on how I saw myself.

I want to be the mum I should have had and the one my DC will get. They have never seen me drunk or even drinking. I intend to keep it that way.

@Ritaskitchen I only found out last year, in my 30s now! I have been reaching out to forums like this with my questions. So far people in general have been great at setting me straight when I am being so hard on myself.

I think I was viewing it as a huge moral failure that I couldn't just quit. Or that there was something wrong with me that I couldn't drink like a normal person. For me alcohol brings nothing to my life but destroys my MH each time.

Thank you all for your support.

Re ADHD, my DD had an ADHD assessment and diagnosis this morning.

The assessor warned her about alcohol as she gets older as there is a huge link between ADHD and alcohol dependency.

@Ritaskitchen another things I am not sure if it is connectd to ADHD or not. But I often feel like if I didn't do it perfectly it is ruined. That I need to just scrunch up the paper and start again. To remove all the imperfections. But I obviously can't do that with my journey to sobriety.

Funny enough, I am 100% behind and encouraging of anyone in any of the meetings I attend who tell me they are 1 day, 1 week, 1 months off alcohol. I am really genuinely happy for them and think well done.

Amazing achievement! Congratulations! Of course is a very well done moment!

Yes there is, along with any other form of drug/ addiction (gaming/ gambling)

My very last one was without a doubt huge over stimulation to the point I just could not cope at all. I needed to hit an emergency stop button.

I hope you DD is OK after it. I was a bit shocked to be honest. I am in my 30s and had, had a life of blaming myself for 'doing it wrong'