AIBU to not feel that 1 year alcohol free is an accomplishment? Feel flat about it all

[1year]

DH pointed out today that it has been over a year now since I last drank alcohol. When I first started trying to quit a year seemed impossible but now that I have I feel very hard on myself that it isn't that big a deal at all. That I should have 'got it' sooner. I could go 4 / 6 / 11 months without a drink at times.

Basically life imploded in 2019 I went to rehab. I had been a 'wine lover' until 3 months before rehab when things got way out of hand and I needed to go.

2020 - months off/ 'slip' for 2 ish days. Went to a Mental Health hospital. Really started getting to the core. But still so much I could not comprehend.

2021 - 3 miscarriages, each followed by a brief slip - always sober other wise
2022 - Baby no 1 - sober bar 2 nights when I thought I'd try it out. Not good for me. Very bad PPD
2023 - When life got very hard I had I think 3 slips total ( 2ish days each). Another miscarriage being one.

2024 - Baby no 2 arrives. Extreme PPD I mean worrying to the biggest degree. Ended up finally getting counselling. About 4 days total drinking that year

2025 - January so so so much trauma coming out of counselling + ADHD, who knew! Felt like I was totally worthless = 2 days slip. After thought no this time will be different.

Rest of year = so much counselling and still at it, I go to one that is specifically for adults abused as children.

Finally started to accept what had happened to me and that it was not my fault. I can see that all my prior 'slips' were when that hurt had no where to go. That I actually do deserve to be happy. I genuinely used to have zero self esteem, not that you'd have said that if you met me.

But I feel guilty over all the time I wasted getting here. DH says it was just that I wasn't there during the slips. I would go to our bedroom and shut the world out. But that outside of the slips, over those years we had a good life.

2025 had a LOT of difficulties but I have faced them without alcohol. Something I would have thought completely impossible 7 years ago.

I think I need to be a bit less hard on myself.

YABU - 1 year is a well done moment
YANBU - It is not something to be proud of

Wow OP, you did it! You went a whole year, even when shit things happened, even when working through hard memories and trauma, you chose to be sober. This is huge! Why do you think people in AA have chips for days and months and years? Because every day sober is an achievement. Here's a one year sober chip from a stranger on the Internet who sees how far you've come

Ah, thank you, yes, she’s pleased actually. The assessor explained to her a few things that she hadn’t realised were symptoms of her ADHD such as being highly emotional and going from 0 to 100 over small things and the inability to calm down and move on.

I think she feels like a weight has been lifted and she isn’t going crazy.

Be proud of that year. Don't knock yourself, you've done some hard work and made a choice that's difficult every day.

Why are you belittling such a huge achievement. I don't know you, yet I'm so proud of you. And it wasn't easy, even if you say looking back that it was no big deal, it really was a huge deal but you are a stronger woman now and that made you fight it even harder. Please don't let anyone tell you anything but the fact you are amazing!!

Congratulations 🎊 this is a great achievement. Stop being so down on yourself, you're doing great 👍

I think it's absolutely amazing and a huge achievement. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself.

I'm sure your DH mentioned it as he's so proud of you.

There's alcoholism in my extended family and unfortunately some of them are no longer here to get there but your post gives me hope for others. Your line "there was nowhere else for the hurt to go" really reasonates.

You have your life back. Enjoy it and go a little easier on yourself.