Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

I would respond on an RSVP card, tick the politely decline box and post it.
You haven’t been offered any explanation so no need to provide one.

I would feel like you, slightly miffed but it is what it is. My dh would also decline and continue as usual with the friendship. I think make friends can overcome things like this without much drama.

And you're not encouraging him to go to his closest friend's wedding?

It’s just a wedding. Obviously since it doesn’t matter to john that his best mate is married, he doesn’t think it’s that important and won’t miss the ops dh.

The whole situation is weird - he's one of the OP's husband's closest friends but the OP hardly sees him at all and hasn't seen his long-term girlfriend once in 4 years. So no get togethers at all in that time? Birthdays, pub catch ups, nothing? My DH and I are hardly joined at the hips but we do know each other's closest friends and their partners fairly well.

He’s going to a wedding disco for a few hours, not a two year assignment on the Starship Enterprise. There’s no reason the OP and her DH can’t go on other nights out together.

In OPs case her DH was not even invited to the wedding but the evening which is weird given he is supposedly a very close old friend of the groom.

Closest friend who can't even invite his close friend to the wedding and only invites him to the evening while ignoring his long term wife 😂

Closest friend indeed.

That's quite possibly the worst thing I've read on here and you have shown yourself to be a a very unpleasant person.

it would seem from the comments that the vast majority of us would be offended in this particular situation. I certainly would be and no my husband wouldn’t go as he wouldn’t enjoy it at all as he hates small talking continually (as do I!) . Having your partner there gives you respite at these occasions to talk between yourselves and also have someone to experience the occasion with. So after 25 years of marriage perhaps I’m not mature enough to be married!

John is his closest friend.

He isn’t John‘s closest friend.

At our wedding we had one table of people who weren’t invited with partners. That was because A) They were a group of DHs friends who I’d never met and probably won’t again (just like you haven’t spent time with this couple since your wedding) B) They were all from the same friendship group so would have each other to chat and socialise with C) We quite literally would not have been able to invite them if we were to let them bring partners due to space.

Are your DH and the groom part of a social group because this could have been their justification behind just inviting him and thinking that he’d be with his friend group for the day.

I think “vast majority” is disingenuous. And frankly I find it quite worrying. If you can’t get through one event without your partner, something’s wrong.

What do you think single people do without “someone to experience the occasion with”?

If he doesn’t want to go - he should just decline. I don’t think you can take offence at not being invited because she made a crass joke 3 years ago. Please don’t suggest he should say he is not going because you have not been invited. It looks like he isn’t able to have a night out with his mates. Even if it’s his decision they will assume he is under the thumb

Also, some curly cheese sandwiches and a dodgy DJ in a room where you don’t know anyone to any reasonable degree is hardly “an occasion”……

I mean this very respectfully but if your husband and the groom are very close friends, why is he only invited to the reception? Is it a small ceremony?

FWIW I don’t think you’re being unreasonable here. I think it’s very poor form to only invite half of a couple. I know a lot of people would say ‘it’s their wedding, they can invite who they want’ which is true. However, they are not free from the consequences of the decisions they make.

It isn’t just an event though- it’s a wedding. Work events fine without a partner- meeting mates fine without a partner. An event that brings family and friends together to celebrate a union of 2 people is a joke when you say hey I know you guys have made that union yourselves but actually in practice it means nothing!

to me weddings are events that partners (certainly long term and married) are invited as standard when you are in the close group to the couple. As in, generally required to be there as part of the core wedding . If you are invited as an add on such as a work colleague or in a group of friends then sure, go alone and be part of the group.

in this instance this is close mate of the groom. Everyone will be asking him where his wife is as she would be expected to be there and he’ll have to keep telling people she wasn’t invited. Can you imagine how awkward that would be? If I heard that we’d be gossiping about what did his wife do?

I know my husband just wouldn’t enjoy an event like this without me being there and VV so he’d just respectfully bow out. Wouldn’t cause any drama about it. If you are happy to travel, spend a huge amount on a hotel room just for you and socialise with lots of people you don’t know for a day then great but there are lots of us who wouldn’t want to do that.

The whole thing is weird, particularly the bit on the invite saying it’s only for the person named.

I don’t feel the same way. I found the venue I wanted and asked how much per head and worked out how many we could afford to invite and have the wedding day we wanted.
After family we had then moved on to friends we wanted and that was that.
My husband invited a few people from his work place, solo invites, no plus one.
Now whether or not some of these husbands or wife’s moaned about this I don’t know, I didn’t even think about it.
I don’t see why I should have changed my menu or got rid of the champagne just so some random person who I’ve never met would feel included.
Of the top of my head if I’d included plus ones for everyone if would have cost me another £1000. The same price as we paid per person for our honeymoon in Greece, much higher on my list of wants then like I said the feelings of a complete stranger.

An event that brings family and friends together to celebrate a union of 2 people is a joke when you say hey I know you guys have made that union yourselves but actually in practice it means nothing!

Again, it’s not a general celebration of the institution of marriage itself.

to me weddings are events that partners (certainly long term and married) are invited as standard when you are in the close group to the couple. As in, generally required to be there as part of the core wedding . If you are invited as an add on such as a work colleague or in a group of friends then sure, go alone and be part of the group.

They’re not part of the close group. OP hasn’t seen the bride in four years!

in this instance this is close mate of the groom. Everyone will be asking him where his wife is as she would be expected to be there and he’ll have to keep telling people she wasn’t invited. Can you imagine how awkward that would be? If I heard that we’d be gossiping about what did his wife do?

But IS he close to the groom? OP seems to think so, but an evening only invite suggests otherwise. Also, you’re assuming the OP specifically has been excluded, rather than it being a “no plus one for evening guests” type rule (which seems far more likely).

I would ask my husband to mention this to his friend to clarify that you are not invited. I would be very insulted

I'd love to know if that was on all invites or just this particular one.

Clarify?!

The invitation is addressed solely to him. It says, in plain English, on the back that only the person named on the invitation is invited. (That was a key point of the opening post.) How clear does it need to be?

Should the bride and groom write a limerick or a sonnet? Explain it through an interpretive dance performance? Or just rent a giant “NFI” sign?

Agreed, so weird. Suggests they OP and her DH won't be the only one surprised at the invitation.

I wonder if the wording on the invite is because they have read so many posts on here where people haven’t understood who is actually invited!

It’s potentially just an evening party. If OP doesn’t spend any time with her “DH’s closest friend” then it’s highly unlikely that everyone will be asking after her! It’s also entirely possible that nobody got a plus one.