Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

Every time an issue like this comes up on MN, the first thing someone says is “Maybe it’s a mistake”. What’s wrong with a bit of clarity? OP’s husband does not have a plus one. There’s no room for confusion.

😆

Exactly. It's made very clear on the invitation that he is not permitted to bring his wife.

That.

This is his oldest friend, that he sees every week. There is doubtless a reason (ceremony being family only, earlier in the day?) for him only being invited to the reception, and for him to throw a silent strop and spurn the invitation over OP not being invited, seems very sad to me.

In your place I'd be telling him not to be so ridiculous, OP.

this. It might be a small wedding, I wouldn’t take it personally.

You don't know that! From the behaviour we have seen so far - the OP not being invited, but her husband is - it sounds very much like the scenario that I and several other posters have talked about. I will bet my house that the couple in question are having a stupid, over-sized, over-fancy wedding that is costing several 10s of 1000s of pounds, at some stuffy stately home. And I bet it's one of those 12-13 hour monstrosities, (where the guests are hanging around bored shitless half the day!) and it's nowhere near where anyone invited actually lives!

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The invite is for 6pm so it’s not a “12 hour wedding”

As OP isn’t invited, no childcare or pet sitting is required.

The OP’s DH sees the groom every week, so likely to be a local wedding. So no hotel needed.

The OP hasn’t mentioned the DH needing to take leave from work to attend, and he probably has suitable clothing for a wedding evening party already.

They haven’t invited OP, who is effectively a stranger, so there is no suggestion that this is a “mammoth wedding” - far more likely to be the opposite and they have had to restrict invitations.

<mutters about the poor standards of reading comprehension and critical thinking these days>

I was invited to several weddings without my husband. It’s usually a numbers thing, not an insult.
They aren’t your friends and you aren’t surgically joined at the hip. You sound a bit ridiculous tbh.

It’s hard to judge fully without knowing the numbers at the wedding. They might be having a small reception and maybe your husband didn’t fit well at any of the tables and they thought it best to just have him in the evening. It does seem they could have had the two of you at the evening as usually that can accommodate a lot more. It’s really impossible to say what the issue is without more details.

It does just sound like the wife was making a joke and not being serious. It’s a pretty cliched joke.

If your husband speaks to the groom regularly hasn’t the wedding planning come up?

YANBU and your DH has made the right decision.

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti

Of course the wedding is not from 6pm! That's just the night do. 😆

As for THIS line from you!

<mutters about the poor standards of reading comprehension and critical thinking these days>

The absolute startling irony of you saying this is a special kind of hilarious. 😂

As your DH sees the groom once a week, is it likely he is expected with other close male friends to be there to sort out 'just married' car pranks and prep, which would have left you kicking your heels in the evening anyway?

@MiniOneFree

My DH is just going to tell his friend we, or rather I should say he, is away and won't be able to make it. That's his decision and I've told him I'd support him if he does want to go. Despite comments claiming to know I would feel otherwise.

Oh I missed this sorry OP. I am glad he is doing the right thing and not going. Shame he isn't going to say why (that it's fucking rude to exclude you!) but at least he is supporting you by not going!

I said the INVITE is from 6pm. So he won’t be there for 12 hours!

I didn't say HE would be there for 12 hours. I was on about how this is probably one of those awful 12 hour weddings that cost £30K-£40K, that is often somewhere miles away from where anyone invited actually lives, and where all the guests end up bored shitless half the day, wandering around with big gaps between things happening.

The irony of you accusing others of bad reading comprehension! 😂

Nice try at making out you're not in the wrong, but a bit of an epic fail.

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Is this a new fashion trying to look as though you are having a lavish wedding but couldn't possibly invite everybody. I want to.

But it is really on the cheap.
I don't know why you are friends with thiswoman especially after what she said about you.

Would also be nagging husband to tell her the real reason why he didn't want to go

This

6pm seems early for the start of evening do and OP called it the reception
OP still hasn’t explained why she has never seen the couple since their wedding but her DH is in weekly contact with the groom.

Also if DH is one of the groom’s closest friends why hasn’t he been invited to ceremony

I don’t think so.

I don’t think reversing the sexes of this comment works.

I think the comment about your husband punching was meant as a compliment to you.

And I don’t know many men who would take offence to this. Men I know would laugh and agree that their wife was beautiful.

If if were reversed and someone said that the bride was punching - yes, that would be offensive and an awful thing to say.

So I think your reaction to this comment was a bit odd; she had just met you and was trying to compliment you. I think you neeed to let it go.

As regards the invitation, it is what it is. You haven’t seen her in the 4 years since your wedding so you’re not going to be invited in your own right. Husbands plus one would be standard but I’m guessing they are very tight for numbers.

No childcare needed (they're 18 and over!) and no pets.

There are no specific details of the wedding, but the venue is a hotel about an hour and half away. I'd probably have to collect and drop off my husband if he wanted a drink as there would be no way to get there, or he would have to book a room I guess.

The posted envelope only had my husband's name on it which we immediately thought was odd. I actually said oh it's not addressed to us both, but assumed when he opened it all would be revealed.

The invite Itself just has his name on the front and on the back of the actual invite is the caveat about 'only the named guest(s) are invited. We were both disappointed and slightly confused!

Thank you for the all comments and contributions. I think the votes are weighing to suggest I'm not being unreasonable about finding this upsetting. It's been playing on my mind, and yes maybe I'm saddo for that but I would have loved to celebrate my husband's friends wedding with them and him.

I shall (*try to and will no doubt soon) get over it and not take it personally or allow it to upset my DH friendship.

Are other school friends going @MiniOneFree

I asked my DH today about that and he says he doesn't know (yet)

This happened to me a few years back. A very old friend of mine chose to only invite me to his wedding, but it was ok, because DH could come in the evening. We had been friends for years as a couple and even on holiday together as couples fgs! I told him in no uncertain terms that it was insulting and that I wouldn’t go. Neither of us went in the end. Call me old fashioned but I think it’s bloody rude. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MiniOneFree is DH in touch with other school friends?