Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH shoved me :(

47 replies

Passedproblems · 03/02/2026 08:54

Can't believe I'm writing this. Been married for 14 years. On Saturday I was doing something in the kitchen my Dd who is 6 was attempting to start a school project and needed my help. I told her clearly to wait until after I had finished in the kitchen but she didn't and then kept coming in to ask for help. I lost it and yelled at her but left what i was doing and went to the dining table to help her. My husband who was on the phone started swearing at me and telling me to stop yelling. I told him not to and I know he pushed me and possibly punched my arm. I was in shock but didn't retaliate. He said 'she hasn't stopped crying, speak nicely to her, she's your daughter '. I responded with: 'I'm your wife, you just hit me'. He said 'so what, I'll hit you more' and walked away. I know I was in the wrong to have been yelling at my daughter but I think his reaction was unreasonable. We all have our off moments.

How do I now navigate this? I always said I would walk away if I was in this situation but here I am. He has not apologised he hasn't acknowledged what happened. I've carried on as normal. Batch cooked, ordered stuff he's asked me to for his bike, trying to be normal for the children but we aren't 'talking' I do not want to be affectionate. Neither of us have tried. In all honesty I thought I would return from work yesterday to an apology or at least to some words of how he over reacted, but I have nothing. I don't want to force an apology from him either.

I cannot speak to anyone about this in real life. I'm so embarrassed :( I just don't know what to do. Thankfully my dd seems oblivious.

OP posts:
TittyGajillions · 03/02/2026 08:59

You need to make plans to leave or tell him to leave, you can't stay and raise your daughter with a violent man. He's threatened to hit you more, you need to get out. No amount of apologising can make it right.

ThejustbrothersCarlenaNSoul · 03/02/2026 09:10

Line has been crossed so may be his go to to finish an argument in the future
Perhaps if you're scared you may start walking on eggshells to placate him.
I hope you find a solution.

Lastly I grew up in a DV household it leaves its mark.ive came to terms with what I experienced 50years later.

ZippyPeer · 03/02/2026 09:17

I think you need to have an honest conversation with your partner about what happened. Use that to work out whether likely a one off or not. Might be worth reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft which talks about how abusive men think and see if any of that resonates for how your DH seems to act/see the world. If it does, you may need to start making plans to leave

InterestedDad37 · 03/02/2026 09:24

He's crossed a line. In the heat of whatever moment, the correct thing to do is to take yourself out of the situation, calm down and then talk about it.

Petitcha · 03/02/2026 09:26

You go to the police.
He assaulted you.
He will do it again.
This is not a good man.
You are in an abusive relationship.
I'm so sorry.

youalright · 03/02/2026 09:28

I think you both crossed a line in a stressful situation. I think you need to both take a step back calm down and talk about it.

Gowlett · 03/02/2026 09:28

Apart from the push / punch, is there more context?
The not talking… Are arguments a regular feature?

Gowlett · 03/02/2026 09:29

ie, is this an escalation on your usual interactions?

NewYearNewMee · 03/02/2026 09:30

You lost it at your daughter, yelled and went towards her? Is it possible he thought you were going to hurt her? Especially as your daughter was crying and hadn’t stopped - and then you telling him not to shout at you when you’ve just lost it at your child.

He shouldn’t have shoved you away - just trying to figure out if it was violence because he was trying to hurt you, or if he was trying to get you away from a crying child he was worried about.

PollyBell · 03/02/2026 09:33

Petitcha · 03/02/2026 09:26

You go to the police.
He assaulted you.
He will do it again.
This is not a good man.
You are in an abusive relationship.
I'm so sorry.

The daughter is an abusive household then by both parents going by that thinking

MyNeedyLilacBird · 03/02/2026 09:35

youalright · 03/02/2026 09:28

I think you both crossed a line in a stressful situation. I think you need to both take a step back calm down and talk about it.

I agree with the above poster entirely. You crossed the line as well and possibly your husband reacted to your behaviour towards your daughter. You aren't even sure if he punched your arm. So did he or didn't he or are you just trying to make yourself more of a victim. Though he shouldn't have said the comment he did.

You need to speak with your husband and stop acting like children. Your the adults here. Also deal with your temper towards your daughter.

PinkyFlamingo · 03/02/2026 09:38

PollyBell · 03/02/2026 09:33

The daughter is an abusive household then by both parents going by that thinking

Show quote history

Exactly!

DeftWasp · 03/02/2026 09:39

Passedproblems · 03/02/2026 08:54

Can't believe I'm writing this. Been married for 14 years. On Saturday I was doing something in the kitchen my Dd who is 6 was attempting to start a school project and needed my help. I told her clearly to wait until after I had finished in the kitchen but she didn't and then kept coming in to ask for help. I lost it and yelled at her but left what i was doing and went to the dining table to help her. My husband who was on the phone started swearing at me and telling me to stop yelling. I told him not to and I know he pushed me and possibly punched my arm. I was in shock but didn't retaliate. He said 'she hasn't stopped crying, speak nicely to her, she's your daughter '. I responded with: 'I'm your wife, you just hit me'. He said 'so what, I'll hit you more' and walked away. I know I was in the wrong to have been yelling at my daughter but I think his reaction was unreasonable. We all have our off moments.

How do I now navigate this? I always said I would walk away if I was in this situation but here I am. He has not apologised he hasn't acknowledged what happened. I've carried on as normal. Batch cooked, ordered stuff he's asked me to for his bike, trying to be normal for the children but we aren't 'talking' I do not want to be affectionate. Neither of us have tried. In all honesty I thought I would return from work yesterday to an apology or at least to some words of how he over reacted, but I have nothing. I don't want to force an apology from him either.

I cannot speak to anyone about this in real life. I'm so embarrassed :( I just don't know what to do. Thankfully my dd seems oblivious.

Possibly punched your arm?? he either did or didn't, there is no grey area.

gamerchick · 03/02/2026 09:45

Sorry OP the line has been crossed. Once it's crossed it can't come back.

This will be the go to in the future and you'll end up on eggshells waiting for it.

Why couldn't help his daughter with her project for a start?

You're at a crossroads. How much do you want your child to witness.

Original poster
Passedproblems · 03/02/2026 11:05

I have read through the replies, thank you for taking the time.

I wasn't near my daughter when he shoved me, I was clearing the table to make more space. It happened so quickly I know there was two times I felt an impact from him.

This is not the norm, he has lost his temper a couple of times before, it was a door that was kicked and it came of the hinges. Never me.

I don't want this to be the end. I'm not looking to be be viewed as a victim. I think I may try and have a chat with him. It's hard, I don't want to do it with the dc in the house.

OP posts:
ThejustbrothersCarlenaNSoul · 03/02/2026 11:16

The kicking of a door is a violent act because it says I done the door but it couldve been you.
So he's now crossed the line from inanimate object to you.

Hopefully others with more recent experience can advise.👍

PardonMe3 · 03/02/2026 11:26

Passedproblems · 03/02/2026 11:05

I have read through the replies, thank you for taking the time.

I wasn't near my daughter when he shoved me, I was clearing the table to make more space. It happened so quickly I know there was two times I felt an impact from him.

This is not the norm, he has lost his temper a couple of times before, it was a door that was kicked and it came of the hinges. Never me.

I don't want this to be the end. I'm not looking to be be viewed as a victim. I think I may try and have a chat with him. It's hard, I don't want to do it with the dc in the house.

You need to leave him.

His behaviour is escalating. He used to hit / kick inanimate objects. Now he has hit and shoved you. He's told you exactly how your life is going to be.

He said 'so what, I'll hit you more' and walked away.

He has told you he will hit you more. He believes he's entitled to hit you. He isn't apologetic or remorseful. Not that the remorseful really matters. My ex use to cry and beg forgiveness but their was always a next time. You H doesnt feel the need for the manipulation.

Anyway, you can leave now or you can leave when it gets worse. You need to decide what your prepared to tolerate and for how long.

In your position, I suggest you gather any important documents and items you value (im not talking avout material stuff im talking about stuff you cant replave) and get them to someone you trust. I'd get together an emergency bag of essentials including clothes, toiletries, tooth brush, phone charger ect. I'd do that for you and your child. If you need to leave in a hurry it's best to be prepared.

Anyway, you shouted. It happens. BUT, NO ONE HAS A RIGHT TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU. THERE IS MO JUSTIFICATION.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2026 11:29

He crossed a line and there's no going back.

If you stay, he'll hit you again, probably worse next time, and it will get harder to leave each time.

Report the assault to the police even if there's no mark. If there is a mark, take photos.

Do you have somewhere safe you can go?

BillieWiper · 03/02/2026 11:34

Well you need to leave as he has said in plain English that he will hit you more.

Most people don't actually say it so explicitly but they all do it again.

And it gets worse. You could be put in hospital. Or he could start hurting your child.

Tell him he's crossed the line of no return and you want a divorce.

Comtesse · 03/02/2026 11:35

youalright · 03/02/2026 09:28

I think you both crossed a line in a stressful situation. I think you need to both take a step back calm down and talk about it.

No I don’t agree. He pushed OP and threatened her, that’s hardly the same as shouting at a child being annoying. It’s not the same at all.

oscilla · 03/02/2026 11:36

Whatever you decide, do you agree that you will be walking on eggshells, afraid to do anything that might trigger his violence and will be placating him for the rest of your life, just in case he might explode again?

That's no way to live really. So think hard and fast forward to how you will feel going forward, and make the right decision. This is not a one off I reckon.

Summeriscumin · 03/02/2026 11:38

He's crossed the line, OP. Protect yourself, it will happen again now he's done it once.

Itiswhysofew · 03/02/2026 11:45

It's a shock to you now. You'll be forever wondering if he's going to react physically and won't be comfortable ever again.

Call Women's Aid and see if they can help you through Flowers

Loveing · 03/02/2026 11:52

You sound as bad as each other.
I feel sorry for the kid in all this drama.

GingerBeverage · 03/02/2026 11:56

I think you can believe him.
He's going to hit you more, just a question of time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread