To name all of your children after your ex husband

[Caterpillarhopping]

I made a discovery about someone I've been friends with a couple of years. She has 4 children. I know her through work and we get on well but I've never known the ins and outs of her life. It came up today that she was married to her eldest child's Dad and took his surname so eldest daughter is Katie "Blogs". She went on to have 3 more children each by different men. She retained her married surname and gave that to each of the children. Second child only has the "Blogs" surname, the one after that is double barrelled and the 4th Blogs.

I sort of understand Mums logic, that she kept the same name as the eldest child (& it's absolutely not my business) but Is it not a touch weird to be sporting your ex husbands name 20 years later and have lots of children named after a man that's nothing to do with them,?

But it’s HER name OP! There isn’t a rule that says you can’t keep the name once you divorce! I still have my married surname after 22 years of being divorced…because it’s my name now. 🤷‍♀️

Who said it was a feminist action. Some woman aren't overly fussed about their birth name and didnt't really care about changing it in the first place, some women wish they hadn't changed it but can't be bothered changing it again, some prefer their husband's name because it sounds better or is easier to spell. Some may have established themselves in their career under that name and don't want to announce to their work circle that they've gotten a divorce. Whatever the case, once anyone has changed their name its now their name and they can do what they want.

Well she did it a long time before 2026.

the choice was hers to make & she chose to change her name when she got married. Each to their own.

It doesn't make your other post any more reasonable.

I don't refer to ALL fathers as sperm donors either. 💁🏻‍♀️

Me and my siblings all have my youngest siblings dads name, he ran off while my mum was 7 months pregnant but we all already had it so now 23 years later we all still have his name. It’s ours now 😂

To those all protesting about women taking a man's name, the majority of women already have a "man's name" - their father's. Is it so different to keep that one?

Maybe to be a true feminist you need to decide on & create your own name once you reach adulthood?

OR maybe letting women make their own choice for whatever reason and not judging or berating them for it is actually the most feminist thing?

You said you think it's weird that she still has her married name after 20 years. I'm getting divorced and I'm keeping the name. No kids. I'm in my fifties and definitely not marrying again. It's been my name for many years and I cannot face the paperwork of changing it on EVERYTHING. Plus, I feel that it accurately reflects my life's journey. Say my ashes were interred with or next to those of my parents, my headstone would have my maiden name, and it would look like I was some spinster daughter who never left home - which couldn't be further from the truth as my husband and I lived abroad for many years! I think it's very common for divorced women to keep the name. My MIL has been divorced since 1978 and still has her married name! She did have three kids though. Also, over time, it becomes yours, not just your husband's.

You don't have to. But if you CHOOSE to you are entitled to keep that name for the rest of your life

You never know why someone might change their name on marriage. I'm sure most people just think I'm conservative. But the real reason I changed mine to my husband's was because my dad had a history of being violent and abusive to my mum, and his family weren't nice, either. Couldn't get rid of my birth surname fast enough. Adopted my husband's and never looked back, name-wise. Never thought about it again and so far, in twenty years of having that name, have signed it wrong precisely once. So anyone who thinks I took my husband's name because I'm not a feminist is very, very wrong.

Up to around the end of the Nineties, it was much more common for the child of an unmarried couple to have the mother's surname than the dad's. In fact, it was pretty much expected. The prevailing wisdom was that if the father wanted to be recognised as such, he could commit. I think the scenario of an unmarried couple giving the baby the dad's surname has become much more common in the last couple of decades.

Back then, I knew a handful of women who very pointedly gave their children their own surname. They'd have liked to be married to the dads but the dads didn't want to.

I changed my surname to be the same as my kids' surname, which happens to be the same as my partner's because that is the surname we chose for them when they were born.

I consider it to be more my name than his because I used a paid for deed poll service, so I own it, he's only got it because his mum told the birth certificate people to assign it to him. If we split up he'll have to change his name.

Or not because anyone can have any name they want and can change it or not as often as they want and can call their kids anything they want.

Why would he have to change his name if you split up?

Yes. But I should have explained: the woman would give her DH as the father, even if he was eg. away on a ship at the time, or had been dead for several years.

Well, he might have been the legal father if still alive and married. That would be the case now, not sure how it used to work. People tend to think birth certificates are meant to be a record of biological paternity but that's not so.

Less so if the husband is dead though!

Re the father on a birth certificate, your first example was standard. A women’s husband was automatically classified as the child’s father even if he wasn’t. The second is somewhat eccentric, but I guess in era without joined up documentation and when her husband had been absent at sea a lot anyway, it was possible for her to pretend he was merely away and easiest for her and her children. Using her married surname for her later children was normal even if she was a widow.

It's a bit unusual, but I can see why she's done it.

My SD's household has:
Grandma Maiden name
Mum Maiden name (her Dad's name)
Boyfriend Name
SD my DH's name
SD's brother Boyfriend's name.

So basically, 5 surnames under one roof. When we got married I considered keeping my own name or suggesting that DH took my name, but SD is already his name, so it just seemed better for all of us, including our future kids, to have one name.

What's annoying is my first name is an unusual spelling of an already hard-to-spell name, and my maiden name is a very common name which no-one struggled to spell. My married name is another long name with an unusual spelling so I now have to spell out both my names, and no-one ever listens so all my post and accounts are under slightly different spellings!

I remember being in family court with a dad who was - among other things - trying to force a name change for his child’s either to his surname or to his ex-partner’s birth surname even though she hadn’t been known by this name for over half of her life, because he couldn’t bear the thought of his child having “some other man’s name”.

his barrister actually tried to cross examine me on this point, it didn’t go well for them.

Have you ever minded having 'hus' name rather than your actual Dsd's or Mum's maiden name?

are you married? Would you changer it if you get marries/or already didn't if you are?