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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still let dd bring friend on holiday

34 replies

lemonl · 02/02/2026 19:56

Two dds age 9 and 11.

Both had been allowed to invite a friend when we go away at half term. All 4 of them were to share a room. Agreed with friend’s parents well before Christmas.

Eldest has had a multitude of friendship issues over the last couple of weeks, which she hasn’t handled well and no longer has a friend to invite away.

She is obviously very upset by this and struggling with lots of things that are being dealt with. She thinks it’s not fair other dd still brings a friend and is loudly voicing this causing issues between dd’s.

We have 3 other dc with us inc young adult dsd, I’ve given her the option of sharing a room with us or any of them instead of her sister and friend which she still isn’t happy with.

I don’t think it is fair to punish other dd by uninviting her friend or to let her friend down or their parents at short notice.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 02/02/2026 20:20

This is the moment you teach her that she needs to deal with her relationship issues better and not punish other people because of her own fallings out!

Absolutely don’t punish innocent DD2 because her sister has fallen out with her friend!

AmyDudley · 02/02/2026 20:30

well no, you can;t uninvite a child you have invited to go away with you , that would be really rude and unkind. And also unfair on your DD2.
I can understand he is disappointed her friend isn;t coming any more, is there any chance they will make things up before half term or is it too far gone ?
But ultimately it is what it is and she has to accept the situation. I would just big up the holday in general to her, ask what she's looking forward to, let her choose an activity, generally distract away from the lack of a friend and focus on the 'good time to be had by all regardless of who is there'.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2026 20:37

Obviously you don’t punish poor dd2 or her friend by uninviting the friend.

It sucks for dd1 that she no longer has a friend to bring, but that’s just life. Sometimes the timings are bad.

She can share with someone else as you’ve said and not be feel so left out.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2026 20:44

I think yrs 6 and 7 are quite tricky friendship years in their different ways

TheBlueKoala · 02/02/2026 20:53

She doesn't get to set the rules. Tell her it will be fine and discussion closed.

MeatyMagda · 02/02/2026 21:02

Why on earth would DD2 pay the consequence for this?! Or her mate?!

curious79 · 02/02/2026 21:04

My younger daughter had a friendship issue which meant uninviting a friend while her sister still got to bring her friend. It created bad vibes in the end as it created a three is a crowd dynamic versus when only the two sisters are away on holiday, if it’s just the two of them, they do hang out together

Ilovelurchers · 02/02/2026 21:08

No, of course you can't uninvite the other child. Are you seriously considering this?

In fact, I was wondering if there was any scope to go further and allow one or the other DC to invite a friend,if any of them have one who would be available at such short notice, and if it would be appropriate for them to share a room with the two 9 year old girls (or if rooms could be juggled to make this work). Given that you have already paid for accommodation for an additional child.

Your 11 year old DD will clearly just have to suck this up. From how it sounds, she isn't blameless in the fall out?

(I only have one DD and she was horrendously ditched by a friend a few months ago - in those circumstances I would have been reluctant to put her in a position which made this feel worse - tho I still wouldn't have disappointed another child because of it, if I had one.....)

saraclara · 02/02/2026 21:25

You all her how she'd feel if it was her sister who's fallen out with a friend, and that now her friend would not be able to come. Would she think that was fair?

Rachie1973 · 02/02/2026 21:31

God no. Don’t uninvited the friend. That would be awful for DD2 and HER friendship!

CollieModdle · 02/02/2026 21:35

LOL, how would forcing Dd2 to uninvited her friend set a great friendship and socialising example to your Dd?

Not to mention potentially massively inconveniencing the parents.

It’s very hard for your Dd1, I would support her and let her know that these things happen and talk her through anything that would be useful to reflect on.

But say she still has a fun holiday to
look forward to with a family who love her.

But she has no right to interfere with her sisters arrangements, and I am not sure why you would think about that at all.

CollieModdle · 02/02/2026 21:40

She thinks it’s not fair other dd still brings a friend and is loudly voicing this causing issues between dd’s.

Tell her to stop this! Why are you allowing her to harass her sister like this?

Does your Dd1 rule the roost? Be sympathetic and supportive over her friends issues but put a firm stop to this! How will she ever learn to behave with people?

minipie · 02/02/2026 21:41

You can’t uninvite the other girl at such short notice, no.

Although I do think you should let the parents know that it will just be her coming along. I think at that age I might’ve felt awkward being the only non family member coming (different from being one of two friends coming). So she should have the full picture.

Livpool · 02/02/2026 21:42

You can’t cancel on the friend and punish DD2 because DD1 has fallen out with a friend. She doesn’t rule the roost here - tell her to stop being a brat!

stichguru · 02/02/2026 21:47

"She thinks it’s not fair other dd still brings a friend and is loudly voicing this causing issues between dd’s." You punish her whenever she does this. There is no reason that you would hurt you other daughter and her friend by stopping the friend coming, and there is no reason that your daughter should be taking this out on her sister.

SalmonEile · 02/02/2026 21:47

What’s the relationship between the girls like generally?
how old are the other DC?
If DSD is an adult and the other two DC are toddlers for example I can understand why your DD11 is distressed at feeling left out for the holiday.
(Im not saying you should uninvite Dd9s friend)

minipie · 02/02/2026 21:54

I know this is not helpful but why did you let them invite a friend? They are close in age and clearly get on well enough (usually) to share a room, it’s not like an only child or massive age gap situation. Just seems surprising - very kind of you but a bit of a risk.

Original poster
lemonl · 02/02/2026 21:58

SalmonEile · 02/02/2026 21:47

What’s the relationship between the girls like generally?
how old are the other DC?
If DSD is an adult and the other two DC are toddlers for example I can understand why your DD11 is distressed at feeling left out for the holiday.
(Im not saying you should uninvite Dd9s friend)

That’s the exact situation. There relationship is normally normal I think, they’re friends most of the time but also argue and want their own space.

OP posts:
SalmonEile · 02/02/2026 22:01

And how’s the relationship between DD11 and DSD? Would they be able to spend time together while DD9 and her friend are doing stuff?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/02/2026 22:09

It's tough navigating emotions at her age, agree with pps DD2 should bring her friend as planned.

Petitcha · 02/02/2026 22:47

I can't understand why you would need to bring extra children on a 4 day break.
Far better your two daughters spend time together.
I don't think you can cancel the other child but this stress could have been avoided.

knockyknees · 03/02/2026 00:56

If you punish DD2's friend by uninviting HER on the trip, then you'll be causing massive friendship issues for DD2.

If I was the parent of DD2's friend and she was uninvited, ie punished for something that has nothing to do with her, then I'd be strongly steering my DD towards cutting all ties with your DD.

Crazybigtoe · 03/02/2026 01:19

Did DD11 friend bail? Or was she uninvited?

For me that would impact how I would respond.

PollyBell · 03/02/2026 04:58

If my child was uninvited on a holiday for the sole reason of a sibling having dramas there is no way my child would be going anywhere near your child again, I have no issues with kids learning dissapointment in life but this crosses the line I think

but why on earth a parent would a holiday with allowing friends at this age be a good idea in the first place I have no idea, if they are not mature enough to remain friends they are not mature enough for me to allow my child to go on a holiday in the first place with another family

user1492757084 · 03/02/2026 05:13

Tough luck.
Your DD will live through it.

Does DD have a cousin close in age, or a friend not from school, she could invite?

She will spend time with DSD, you and other family by default and will be fine.