Still let dd bring friend on holiday

[lemonl]

Two dds age 9 and 11.

Both had been allowed to invite a friend when we go away at half term. All 4 of them were to share a room. Agreed with friend’s parents well before Christmas.

Eldest has had a multitude of friendship issues over the last couple of weeks, which she hasn’t handled well and no longer has a friend to invite away.

She is obviously very upset by this and struggling with lots of things that are being dealt with. She thinks it’s not fair other dd still brings a friend and is loudly voicing this causing issues between dd’s.

We have 3 other dc with us inc young adult dsd, I’ve given her the option of sharing a room with us or any of them instead of her sister and friend which she still isn’t happy with.

I don’t think it is fair to punish other dd by uninviting her friend or to let her friend down or their parents at short notice.

AIBU?

You’re doing the right thing. I’d ask her why she thinks it would be fair to punish her sister and her sister’s friends by uninviting her friend because of her own behaviour. I would put her in with an older sibling and deal with it promptly if she starts to cause trouble on holiday. I probably would avoid inviting friends on holiday in future though, to avoid a repeat of this kind of thing.

I also wouldn’t uninvite, no least because of the childcare issues you might well be causing the other girl’s parents!

I don’t understand why you would allow both girls at that age to invite a friend each. Surely one of the benefits of having siblings close in age is that they have play mates? Friendships can be transient at that age.
but no you can’t uninvite the other child at such short notice.

Definitely don't uninvite her siblings friend.
One child's friendship issues should not impact the other.
We have had this for years. Not holidays as such but days out and play dates. One sibling falls out with everyone and has periods of being friendless, the other had friends round and is laughing and playing, and yes it causes jealousy. But it still isn't fair to stop the one with friends from enjoying life. The other child just has to deal with it. That's life.

I would consider it a huge parenting fail that two of my children, close in age, couldn't spend a family holiday together, a short holiday at that.

I really think you need to seriously reflect on that and actively work on increasing your childrens bond.

The teen years will be brutal if you don't.

OP has not said anywhere that her kids couldn’t get along. If they can’t get along I doubt there would have been a plan to share a room.

More likely that she invited the friends on a “more the merrier” basis rather than because her kids couldn’t cope without friends there. Unfortunately it has backfired.

I don’t think you should be questioning this

How unfair would it be to DD and her friend to just invite her cause her sister and friend fell out.

You know you can’t do that!!

utterly mad of you to be bringing all these extra children when there’s so many already!
also why is this even a question? Are you really asking whether an 11yo controls the family holiday?

I think you have to take the friend that your other daughter has asked for the simple reason how do you “uninvite” her.

I know it’s not the question, no hate, it’s just a genuine question I felt when reading the initial post, why have you asked extra children. In my experience that’s only for people who have one child…or a much much older disinterested sibling who doesn’t or won’t holiday with the family.

I have 2 sons (now adults). They always had each other on holiday, they were building their relationship and their memories together. In fact my eldest son starting having terrible trouble with friendships around the year 6/7 mark and to be with the family or on holiday was a way of escaping everything he felt about school and friendships. I can see why you’re elder one is a little sad (albeit it’s coming out in a cross way) … it’s just a reminder to her that she doesn’t have those friendships and relationships at the moment. But to the here and now, it’s done, it is sad for your elder one but I’m not sure you can do anything about it