Blatant racism from school - parent won’t do anything

[Wishthingswerenouting]

My niece who is mixed race is at a predominantly white school. She is 1 of 2 kids who aren’t white. Let’s call my niece Sarah. Let’s say the other kid is called Jenny.

there’s this one teacher who tried to give my niece detention for “wearing fake tan” told her her legs are orange and said that she’s breaching uniform policy. My niece explained that it’s just her skin tone and in the end managed to avoid the detention. She has also been a bit of an arse to my niece separate to this.

this same teacher calls my niece Jenny, and Jenny Sarah. They look absolutely nothing alike. Not even similar skin tone aside from anything else.

my sister says I’m being dramatic in saying that it’s outrageous and she should complain. My niece agrees with me but her mum won’t raise it. Aibu to think this is very blatant - at best ignorance - and should be logged?

While I agree that its a dreadful thing for the teacher to do, as you are not a parent or in a parental situation, I am not sure what you can do without a parent's agreement. If you are going to offer to support your niece in a complaint, again i can see why but should you go against the parent's wishes? (genuine question) I definitely think it wouldn't be a good idea to keep it a secret from the child's parents.

I wouldn't raise it as it should be down to your niece and sister but perhaps you both can convince your sister that this blatant, nasty racism from a blooming teacher of all people is disgusting and needs stopping and this is a fight worth having imo.
If anything, it will teach your sister that this should never ever be the norm or accepted as she will face more bigots like the teacher as the years go by.

Please go to the school yourself your neice needs to see someone call this BS out on her behalf.

OP well done for advocating for your niece. Saw this a lot growing up , parents of mixed race children underplaying racism.

I have no idea if the school will discuss anything with you since you’re not the legal guardian and GDPR rules.

I think you should support your niece to make a complaint if that’s possible.

Is there a Dad in the picture?

Discuss with your niece then call the school and see what you’re able to do in regards to a complaint.

Your sister isn’t protecting her daughter from racism. It’s very poor form especially as niece feels she is being targeted.

DN should feel as if she can rely on her. Is it because she doesn’t want it to be awkward?

I'm not black or mixed ethnicity, so happy to be corrected by those with more knowledge and lived experience, but I wouldn't characterise this as a 'micro aggression'. It doesn't feel micro to me.

Somebody should absolutely call this out. I hear other posters saying the school won't listen to you. Maybe they won't - officially. But any head worth their salt hearing about this should be extremely concerned and take action regardless of the niceties around who reports it.

It should be on their radar. But will your sister be upset if you go over her head?

I don't think the name mix up is a big deal - I used to have it with a friend who was in all my classes and she's a foot taller, different colour hair etc. It's just because we came as a pair. Same in uni with a housemate who worked in the same pub as me - people would mix our names up all the time even though we had very different accents, colouring etc.

The fake tan thing though - I think that's worth raising with the school. Even if it were a complete mistake and the teacher wasn't aware that she was mixed race, it needs to be addressed so it doesn't happen again and so that member of staff undergoes anti-racism training and unconscious bias training.

I am definitely a parent who will address big issues with the school. I have also learned that sometimes smaller things have to be ignored. I am not commenting on the nature of these particular issues because that is not the point of my post. As an aunt, your hands are tied in that regard anyway.

What can help a child regardless of interaction with the school, is acknowledging to the child that the behavior they are dealing with is wrong. Simply talking to them about how the fact that what they deal with is unfair helps them feel less alone. It doesn’t change the injustice of the situation. Let her know you are her ally in this. Let her know it is ok to be angry, but to also ignore these people because they are not worth her time and energy.

I would support your niece to raise a complaint.

This is not acceptable

Going against the grain, I don’t think you should interfere. There are two schools of thought on ‘micro aggressions’. Some people think you should go hard against every perceived racist interaction, as a way of feeling empowered and stamping out latent racism. The other school of thought is that paying too much attention to minor things makes minorities feel like victims and actually does nothing about underlying attitudes. Your sister may be in the latter school and it’s her prerogative to raise her daughter as she wishes.

You write a letter about this and send it to the Headmaster. Thats what you need to do.

I had a similar issue with my ds and the school dealt with it immediately, but you need to raise it formally.

How old is Sarah?
What does Sarah feel about being accused of wearing fake tan ?

I would rather sit on my hands rather than call out every typo I see.

She is mixing up two mixed race children.
OP you not being unreasonable to be angry, the teacher is behaving in a racist way.
Sadly I don't think you can do anything if her parents refuse to.
Is your niece able to put her own complaint in? Although I understand that would be difficult and could make life harder for her so I can understand if she didn't feel.able to

I take it your sister is White and it's your niece's dad who isn't?
Can you enlist dad's relatives (maybe MIL if she gets on well with your sister).
Useless to say this I know but this is why we looked at the ethnic composition of all schools before choosing them for our DD who is mixed (adopted).

This.

I don't think you can make a complaint as the aunt if your sister refuses to (although she should). Supporting your niece to make a complaint makes sense though.

Your sister is the issue here. She is raising a bi-racial child and she needs to do better at understanding her needs, and advocating for her. Racism, when your child has mixed heritage, is not something that you get to ignore or step away from because it isn't affecting you directly. Perhaps she doesn't understand what it's like to be on the receiving end, but she has a duty to educate herself and to protect her child - right now she's letting her down.

Yes, you would be very, very wrong. You may be very close to your niece but not as close as her mother is, and you don’t have Parental Responsibility. Whether or not a complaint is made is up to her parents, not you. Mind your own business.

It’s 2026 no

Thanks for the responses. To answer a few questions

my niece is 13, she wouldn’t go against my sister or raise it by herself and I doubt she’d have the confidence to.

my sister is also mixed race our grandparents are from the Caribbean.

the other child is not even in the same year group, the only loose connection is that they are both mixed race.

her dad won’t go against my sister and is very much a “does as he’s told” kind of man. He is generally quite ignorant to these kind of issues anyway.

This is appalling. Unless a fulsome apology was made re the comments about skin tone, yes the SLT should be hearing about this.

Regarding the name issue, there might be an explanation. Some people can have a real issue with names, and some with faces. I am like that, I’m known for it. However this wouldn’t be restricted to just the only pupils in school from an ethnic minority. IF (and it’s a big ‘if’) this teacher is known for having an issue with names, then fair enough. Otherwise it should be addressed.

If it were my kid I’d be on the warpath. Even if it didn’t achieve much within the school, at least the child would see their feelings being taken seriously and appropriate action being tried.

Recently had lunch with Gf who happens to be mixed race. A young waitress asked her where she'd been on holiday. GF replied she hadn't been. young waitress then asked if she'd had a sun bed as her colour was lovely. I kid you not. The young waitress was totally oblivious. Yes it's 2026

Regardless of the girls’ races, they’d still have some valid grounds to complain about a teacher who repeatedly mixes them up. Their teacher is supposed to be teaching them according to their individual educational needs and learning styles, she can’t do this if she can’t tell whether the girl in front of her is Sarah or Jenny. You’ve also said your niece feels the teacher is often “an arse” to her - which is itself unacceptable, but also raises the question of whether the teacher is disciplining Sarah harshly because she has mistaken her for Jenny who has already been given a warning for X behaviour. If that’s the case, that’s unfair treatment. If your sister isn’t willing to see this as a racism issue, maybe she’d be willing to see it as disruption to her DD’s learning which is her concern.

I agree with you, OP. But you’re not the parent and it’s not your issue to raise.

Do I understand correctly that Jenny is the other non-white child?

So the teacher recognises the skin colour enough to mix the names, but not enough to not assume fake tan?

Definitely a reason to complain.

However, I don't see how to phrase the issue with mixing names of the two non-white children mentioning the ism.