Was I being oversensitve about these things?

Lolettad · 2026-02-02T08:10:06+00:00

I am out of this relationship now but I'm looking back at certain things and arn wondering whether I was just oversensitve to these things that made me feel belittled at times: - quizzed me when songs was on radio as to who sings this/name of song (once almost reduced me to tears when he did this in front of his family as I felt stupid) - quizzed me on name of plants/flowers in his garden when he knew I wouldn't know the answer Criticised my home - bathroom too small, not enough kitchen utensils etc. -Never once praised anything I cooked but praised his own endlessly - Made fun of my smaller car, told me when to overtake etc. Was this belittling or just having a laugh? Everything he did or had always had to be superior., I felt. He once told me a work colleague described him as arrogant.

SpanThatWorld · 02/02/2026 08:12

Sounds like a tedious dickhead.

KimberleyClark · 02/02/2026 08:13

You’re well rid.

Dreamlava · 02/02/2026 08:14

Don’t bother looking back and navel gazing.

Look to the future. Raise your standads. Enjoy being single and building up your self esteem

Dreamlava · 02/02/2026 08:15

Don’t bother looking back and ma el gazing.

Look to the future. Raise your standads. Enjoy being single and building up your self esteem

TheSlantedOwl · 02/02/2026 08:17

None of what you described is in any way ‘a laugh’.

He sounds bloody awful, and it’s excellent you are free of him.

Dreamlava · 02/02/2026 08:20

Who finished it?

GreyCarpet · 02/02/2026 08:22

Ah, yes, the story of the insecure and inadequate man.

OP, the world is full of these men. Their MO's.may differ but all.come from the same place - insecurity and a sense of inadequacy.

Original poster

Lolettad · 02/02/2026 08:28

Dreamlava · 02/02/2026 08:20

Who finished it?

He actually did. Turned cold and horrible at the end. I won't go into all that. I'm so happy to be single again now, even though he did obviously have good points. I was with him a couple of years. He's early 50s, has had many relationships

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Dreamlava · 02/02/2026 08:30

Lolettad · 02/02/2026 08:28

He actually did. Turned cold and horrible at the end. I won't go into all that. I'm so happy to be single again now, even though he did obviously have good points. I was with him a couple of years. He's early 50s, has had many relationships

Show quote history

Thank goodness he did

honeylulu · 02/02/2026 08:36

He sounds a total bore and nasty too. The colleague who described him as arrogant clearly had the measure of him. Good riddance.

Easier said than done but try not to let him have "free rent space" in your head. When thoughts of him pop into your head think "fuck off you pompous arse" and picture him slipping over on a banana skin in the high street and everyone laughing, then get on with your day.

aLFIESMA · 02/02/2026 09:01

You are well rid Lottelad, hope you are able to plan a few nice things to look forward to now that we have Spring on the way, treat your self to a bunch of daffodils or a nice coffee out and know that you are in a far far better place without all that negativity. Kind wishes x

Original poster

Lolettad · 02/02/2026 09:31

aLFIESMA · 02/02/2026 09:01

You are well rid Lottelad, hope you are able to plan a few nice things to look forward to now that we have Spring on the way, treat your self to a bunch of daffodils or a nice coffee out and know that you are in a far far better place without all that negativity. Kind wishes x

Thank you. Yes, I'm feeling okay now, kind of that I'd a lucky escape.

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BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 10:28

Oh, he sounds absolutely awful. You're well rid of him. What a prick.

Also, there's a massive difference between 'arrogant' and 'cruel'. He may well have been arrogant but that isn't why he was belittling/humiliating you. He was just a nasty piece of work who liked making other people feel small.

takealettermsjones · 02/02/2026 10:30

honeylulu · 02/02/2026 08:36

He sounds a total bore and nasty too. The colleague who described him as arrogant clearly had the measure of him. Good riddance.

Easier said than done but try not to let him have "free rent space" in your head. When thoughts of him pop into your head think "fuck off you pompous arse" and picture him slipping over on a banana skin in the high street and everyone laughing, then get on with your day.

This is truly excellent advice 👏

TalkingShrub · 02/02/2026 10:33

OP, the only thought I’d give him is why you put up with it for two years, and weren’t the one to end it. I’d suggest the Freedom programme and/therapy.

mondaytosunday · 02/02/2026 10:42

He was belittling you if he knew you wouldn’t know the answers to those ‘games’ (we often play can you identify this song but we enjoy it and our knowledge of 70s/80s tunes is huge), as for the cooking and car and house - he sounds really insecure and by putting you down builds himself up.
A relative is in her second long term relationship with men that do similar, and I don’t understand why she, a successful, level headed capable woman, puts up with it. Good thing you didn’t!

Ilovelurchers · 02/02/2026 10:46

He sounds awful.

How it made you feel is valid. And it made you feel like shit.

You are SO well rid.

Which knows, maybe a different woman will enjoy his stupid questions about music and plants? His offensiveness about her cooking?

But you didn't. And nor would the majority of us, I suspect!

He sounds very hard to like.

Go forward and find someone a lot nicer!

mamajong · 02/02/2026 10:50

Sounds like you werent compatible and are better off out of it. Maybe he is a total arse, maybe you just brought out the worst in each other - theres no benefit to looking backwards, you are not going that way. Take the lessons, strengthen your boundaries for next time as needed and forget about him.

BauhausOfEliott · 02/02/2026 10:55

mamajong · 02/02/2026 10:50

Sounds like you werent compatible and are better off out of it. Maybe he is a total arse, maybe you just brought out the worst in each other - theres no benefit to looking backwards, you are not going that way. Take the lessons, strengthen your boundaries for next time as needed and forget about him.

Maybe he is a total arse, maybe you just brought out the worst in each other

No, it's the first one.

frozendaisy · 02/02/2026 10:57

So basically many women before you have either dumped him or celebrated that he dumped them once they realised his “knowledge” amounted to a few songs on the radio (and oh boy did he make everyone know it) and the plants he put in his garden (bet Monty Don is quaking in his boots)

Either of our teenagers would run rings around him.

Oh he just sounds tedious I wouldn’t last a pint never mind 2 years! Think of it as community service at least you keep him out if the dating pool so he couldn’t depress other women.

BillieWiper · 02/02/2026 11:03

He sounds pathetic. Though I think being reduced to tears because you don't know the name of a song on the radio sounds quite extreme. Why would that make you look stupid? You're not controlling what songs they play? It's not like it's music you've chosen? Same with plants in someone else's garden.

So just say 'I have absolutely no idea. Nor do I care.'

But he probably ground you down so much you began to feel inadequate if you didn't know these inane pointless facts. Which is his fault not yours.

He's an abusive twat and well done for getting away from him. He's probably also incredibly stupid as an intelligent person would never try and make their loved one look foolish.

Meteorite87 · 02/02/2026 11:09

Lolettad · 02/02/2026 08:28

He actually did. Turned cold and horrible at the end. I won't go into all that. I'm so happy to be single again now, even though he did obviously have good points. I was with him a couple of years. He's early 50s, has had many relationships

Show quote history

Maybe he had "many relationships" because no woman could stand him for long.

All those comments were straight put-downs or belittling @Lolettad

"It was a joke", "You are too sensitive" or "I'm just being honest" are standard lines used by AHs to dismiss comments they know will sting.

Lurkingandlearning · 02/02/2026 11:16

@GreyCarpet was spot on. He is insecure. People who need to constantly undermine others usually are. And that type of competitiveness about trivial day to day things where the "opponent" has no interest in competing or even the subject, is pathetic. They tend to latch on to easy going people who won't tell them that they are being ridiculous.

I'm glad you're out of it now. You can put it out of your mind because should you have the misfortune of meeting someone like that again it will all come flooding back to you and you hopefully you will ditch them straight away.

Original poster

Lolettad · 02/02/2026 13:06

BillieWiper · 02/02/2026 11:03

He sounds pathetic. Though I think being reduced to tears because you don't know the name of a song on the radio sounds quite extreme. Why would that make you look stupid? You're not controlling what songs they play? It's not like it's music you've chosen? Same with plants in someone else's garden.

So just say 'I have absolutely no idea. Nor do I care.'

But he probably ground you down so much you began to feel inadequate if you didn't know these inane pointless facts. Which is his fault not yours.

He's an abusive twat and well done for getting away from him. He's probably also incredibly stupid as an intelligent person would never try and make their loved one look foolish.

Yes, I used to say I'm not answering any questions re music but he still continued it, I'd refuse to answer

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Original poster

Lolettad · 02/02/2026 13:10

BillieWiper · 02/02/2026 11:03

He sounds pathetic. Though I think being reduced to tears because you don't know the name of a song on the radio sounds quite extreme. Why would that make you look stupid? You're not controlling what songs they play? It's not like it's music you've chosen? Same with plants in someone else's garden.

So just say 'I have absolutely no idea. Nor do I care.'

But he probably ground you down so much you began to feel inadequate if you didn't know these inane pointless facts. Which is his fault not yours.

He's an abusive twat and well done for getting away from him. He's probably also incredibly stupid as an intelligent person would never try and make their loved one look foolish.

He said to family members in front of me "She hasn't a clue, can you believe she doesn't know who sings this", a few times, made me feel really stupid. Otherwise I wasn't reduced to tears when it happened.

OP posts: