Was I being oversensitve about these things?

[Lolettad]

I am out of this relationship now but I'm looking back at certain things and arn wondering whether I was just oversensitve to these things that made me feel belittled at times:

• quizzed me when songs was on radio as to who sings this/name of song (once almost reduced me to tears when he did this in front of his family as I felt stupid)

• quizzed me on name of plants/flowers in his garden when he knew I wouldn't know the answer

Criticised my home - bathroom too small, not enough kitchen utensils etc.

-Never once praised anything I cooked but praised his own endlessly

• Made fun of my smaller car, told me when to overtake etc.

Was this belittling or just having a laugh?

Everything he did or had always had to be superior., I felt. He once told me a work colleague described him as arrogant.

He's a weirdo and a prick. What part of 'I do not give a monkey's arse' does he not comprehend? Thick and annoying. Definitely get rid.

Not in love with me

Sounds like a total arse. You're better off without.

What a pompous, pathetic arse of a man.
Thank goodness you are free of him.

💐

Sounds like you’re well rid!
I know why you mean about being quizzed about songs on the radio, it’s his tactic to make you feel silly and inferior. I was once at a pub quiz with my partners family and my FIL did this to me during the music round. It was older songs that were more obscure and I didn’t know any. I wasn’t bothered though, a fair few of us didn’t have a clue. But he kept honing in on me and our exchanges would be like this:
”Go on, who sings this?”
” Oh I don’t know, never heard it.”
” Go on, you should know this one. I do.”
”Erm…But I don’t.”
” Just have a guess then!”
” I’ve really no idea.”
”I know it! Go on have a guess though, I want to hear who you think it is.”
” I’m not guessing, I don’t know, if you know just write it down.”

All the while he had a really smug grin on his face. Clearly just trying to make me feel stupid. Desparate for me to guess and inevitably get it wrong, just so he could feel better than me for knowing 🙄

No, you weren't being oversensitive. Your instincts were operating as designed. The traits you noticed were the hallmarks of a self-aggrandising narcissist.

• Never once praised anything I cooked but praised his own endlessly
• Everything he did or had always had to be superior

When the stakes seem trivial (such as identifying a song title) it's easy to dismiss our reactions as oversensitive.

So I find it helpful to think of behaviour like this as little repeated pecks, or someone standing on my toes. It might not be life-threatening, but after you feel the pain (ouch!), be curious and ask - why is this person pecking me? Why are they standing on my toes? Is this part of a pattern?

It might help you trust your instincts sooner next time. Hope that doesn't sound victim-blaming - I don't intend it that way. He sounds bleedin' insufferable!

It sounds like when you were with him you were a bit confused; he had some good qualities so why did I feel so bad at other times? You're confusion clouded your decision making. No one should make you feel that way ever. If they do, it should be a one off with a big apology and never again. Use him as a measure in future. If anyone makes you feel remotely the way he did then they don't like you, let alone love you, so move on.

Did you love him?!

He sounds horrible you should have got rid of him. Dont put up with that again.

Probably hard to believe but I felt I did

The first time we met my sister new BF, we live a couple of hundred miles away so they had been dating for about 8 months he insisted we did a quiz. Apparently he does this to people according to my niece who I saw a couple of days later on the visit as i was telling her how weird it was. Well we thrashed him. He then proceeded to read aloud his own poetry over dinner the next day. Now I love poetry and his was awful. DH was struggling not to laugh as he could see how enraged I was becoming. I ended up asking lots of questions to interrupt the flow and he shut up.

Your post reminds me a bit of this guy, my sister is someone who is easily impressed. I find him tiresome and boring beyond belief.

You are well rid of him and his both over inflated and fragile ego.

You should be thanking your lucky stars you're away from him. You shouldn't have to put up with that oneupmanship - it's not banter or having a laugh, it's undermining you.

Nasty behaviour. Why would you not realise that?

He sounds like a right psycho.

Thanks for all your reassurances that I wasn't being oversensitve.