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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Scared and anxious about car incident

46 replies

Zee1345 · 01/02/2026 20:31

So yesterday I was travelling down to my mums, a 2 hour 20 minute drive and it was my first time driving long distance on the motorway.I’ve been driving for a long time but my husband has always drove on long journeys so this incident has made it even worse that it happened now. I had my 3 young children in the car aged 10,8 and 2 years old. I was proud of myself because I’d done so well, was around 30 minutes from my mums on a bypass which has a speed of 60mph. There is a set of traffic lights where you can turn into a Tesco supermarket and then the bypass continues and speed is 60mph. I was behind this particular car for a good 10 minutes, I have since re looked at all the dash cam footage from my car and he was driving very fast round roundabouts etc and a car that was in front of me and behind him kept braking before going into the other lane and over taking this driver.

I pulled up behind this car as the light on the bypass was red, the lights changed, all the cars started to move off and on this bypass everyone pulls of quickly. This car pulled of quickly, all the other cars in front of him had gone, I’d also started moving, next thing I know he’s braked hard ( for no reason as all the other cars in front had gone and lights were on green) I tried to brake in time but I bumped into the back of him. He immediately pulled over to the side as did I. He had a dent in the back of his bumper and the front radiator grill of my car has half come off ( my car is worse) but I’ve had the car checked and it’s thankfully just cosmetic and won’t cost to much to repair.

I do have bad anxiety but I was calm with this older man, maybe late early to mid 60s. He was very cold, kept giving me intimating stares, we took pictures of each others cars and swapped phone numbers, at this point I was on the phone to my husband and my husband asked what had happened and I told him “ we’ve bumped into each other” this male started getting aggressive saying “ we didn’t bump into each other she hit into me”. We had exchanged numbers, details, took each others registrations and I told him I was leaving. At this point he told me “ you are not running away from this” ( if I was running away from this I would have surely drove off not stopped and exchanged my details and let him take pictures of my car???!) and he went on to tell me “ you are not leaving” my husband told me to get into my car and this man told me “ I’m calling the police your not running away from this” I burst into tears even though I knew I’d done everything I needed to and wasn’t wrong for wanting to leave, my oldest was crying in the car and the kids were in shock so I obviously needed to check my children were ok and get them to my mums to calm them down.

I could see him on his phone calling the police and this male came and stood next to my passenger window and was staring at me through the window trying to scare and intimidate me. I called the police who reassured me as I’d done everything I needed to I was allowed to leave and I also told them this male was scaring me and being aggressive and telling me I’m not leaving or running away from this.

this male kept texting me on my number and I sent one message saying I’m on the phone to the police who have told me I am allowed to leave as I’ve done what I needed to and he was scaring me and my children and acting inappropriately. He then sent me another text message saying “ your not leaving” I then blocked his number and drove off scared he would start following me, he didn’t luckily and I made it to my mums.

this whole Incident has really shaken me up, I’m scared what is going to happen next. I’ve never been in an accident and from what I’ve read even though I have dash cam footage and he braked for no reason it will be my fault. I just am so anxious and scared and can’t believe this has happened and how he treated me and was trying to intimidate me!

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 01/02/2026 20:34

If you have dash cam and he slammed on for no reason, save it and send to your insurance immediately. This will likely then go down as a crash for cash suspected collision and they’ll fight it for you (otherwise a rear end shunt will likely just go down automatically as your fault)

SilenceInside · 01/02/2026 20:38

There’s two separate things here. One is the insurance claim to sort out the minor accident, and you will likely be found at fault. You need to be able to stop even if the car in front does an emergency stop. You haven’t done anything criminal or anything like that, it’s an accident that happens many times every day and is what insurance companies deal with all the time.

Then, there’s this man’s behaviour which was unnecessary and aggressive. You did all the right things, it was sensible to check with the police if you were ok to leave and to mention that he was being intimidating. Just deal with your insurance company from now on, and try not to let this man get to you.

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/02/2026 20:42

Doesn't matter why he slammed on. You're at fault for driving too close to him.

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/02/2026 20:43

Lmnop22 · 01/02/2026 20:34

If you have dash cam and he slammed on for no reason, save it and send to your insurance immediately. This will likely then go down as a crash for cash suspected collision and they’ll fight it for you (otherwise a rear end shunt will likely just go down automatically as your fault)

Why would dashcam show in front of his vehicle?
He could have slammed on for good reason.

missmollygreen · 01/02/2026 20:47

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/02/2026 20:43

Why would dashcam show in front of his vehicle?
He could have slammed on for good reason.

Whether he had reason to or not, the OP should have had a gap large enough to stop in between her and the car in front.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/02/2026 20:50

Was he complaining of neck probs @Zee1345
If so this would seem a crash for cash type scenario....??

It happened to me recently... Half way across a busy clear junction and bloke did am emergency stop just as I was accelerating... I had to emergency brake and literally touched his rear bumper, I was still in first gear...

He leapt out and was intimidating and shouting that I'd caused him whiplash 😱😂

I said please call the cops and I'll show them my dashcam 😂... Strangely he left soon after.

Changingplace · 01/02/2026 21:23

I think it got his back up because you said “we’ve bumped into each other” when you bumped into him and it likely could’ve been taken you were trying to get him to admit fault.

It doesn’t really matter why he slammed on his breaks, your reaction and stopping distance should mean there’s enough room to stop so report to your insurance but you likely will be found at fault.

These things happen though, nobody was hurt.

Littletreefrog · 02/02/2026 00:27

He acted like an idiot and there was no reason for you not to leave. I think he was probably antagonised by you saying you "bumped into each other" but that isn't an excuse for his behaviour. It is upsetting enough having a car accident even when very minor and unfortunately you were unlucky enough to have it with a knob. Let the insurance deal with it now and try to put it behind you.

DecisionTime123 · 02/02/2026 00:28

OP have you posted here because you wanted people to tell you you're at fault? Because this is AIBU and there will be an orderly queue of posters eagerly wanting to tell you it was your fault*. Job done in that case.

But, if you've posted because the guy was an aggressive twat and you thought Mumsnet would have some sympathy/empathy etc then I think you're going to be bitterly disappointed.
(*Edited to say NAPALT - Not All Posters Are Like That - obvs)

PerksOfNotBeingAWallflower · 02/02/2026 00:33

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/02/2026 20:42

Doesn't matter why he slammed on. You're at fault for driving too close to him.

Sums it up perfectly.

PollyBell · 02/02/2026 04:54

All of the above in the OP doesnt help you to know who is at fault, if the car in front slammed on the brakes the person behind needs a bigger gap

eveything else is irrelvant

W0tnow · 02/02/2026 04:58

You will be found at fault but it does sound as if he may have engineered the collision. His behaviour was very, very strange. Try not to let it get to you.

Zanatdy · 02/02/2026 05:10

You will definitely be found at fault even though he slammed on as you need to be at safe distance to break in time. You didn’t bump into each other, you bumped into him. It is possible he did it on purpose, but you’ll never be able to prove that.

bozzabollix · 02/02/2026 05:11

How awful. And a reminder why we should all have dashcans.

porridgecake · 02/02/2026 05:14

I witnessed a crash for cash scam a few years ago. The guy had made 3 previous claims for whiplash.
I had dashcam footage that I shared with the other driver and her insurers. The claim was dropped when they saw the footage.
We all need dashcams these days.

EleanorReally · 02/02/2026 05:31

a young man went into the back of someone outside my house and i saw the surrounding people acting very intimidating to him afterwards. seemed dodgy to me
sounds awful op

Changingplace · 02/02/2026 06:59

bozzabollix · 02/02/2026 05:11

How awful. And a reminder why we should all have dashcans.

Dashcam footage will simply show OP didn’t have enough of a gap between her and the car in front to stop quick enough when he slammed on his breaks.

Idontspeakgermansorry · 02/02/2026 07:33

Why is everyone going on about it being her fault?

She should have left space to stop, but the man's behaviour was completely weird, threatening and aggressive.

PrincessofWells · 02/02/2026 07:36

IwishIcouldconfess · 01/02/2026 20:42

Doesn't matter why he slammed on. You're at fault for driving too close to him.

Not true. Braking for no reason makes him negligent not Op. All sounds very dodgy to me, as pp said sounds like a deliberate scam.

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/02/2026 08:02

PrincessofWells · 02/02/2026 07:36

Not true. Braking for no reason makes him negligent not Op. All sounds very dodgy to me, as pp said sounds like a deliberate scam.

You don't know why he broke.

He could have seen something the OP didn't see.

She went in the back of him

Keepingthingsinteresting · 02/02/2026 08:23

Hi @Zee1345 . Break this down, from an insurance perspective you will almost certainly be found at fault as you bumped him. It’s done, your insurance should pay and your premiums will increase. A bit shit but one of those things so try to learn the lesson and move on.

secondly he was clearly a bullying, intimidating twat who was trying to bully you. He was also driving like a knob and may even have been trying to make this happen, I would se that to reduce the self flagellation on the first point, but if you have dashcam footage of him driving dangerously across the road I would also export him to the police as he may have form for this . That will hopefully come back on him and you can feel good about that and it won’t impact your overall position- do also share it with the insurance company as if he has form there is a chance they may investigate him and not pay, though will still likely increase your premiums as you will have had an accident- that’s just life now.

PrincessofWells · 02/02/2026 08:33

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/02/2026 08:02

You don't know why he broke.

He could have seen something the OP didn't see.

She went in the back of him

You mean braked . . .

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/02/2026 08:39

PrincessofWells · 02/02/2026 08:33

You mean braked . . .

Split hairs all you want.

She went in the back of him.

PrincessofWells · 02/02/2026 08:44

IwishIcouldconfess · 02/02/2026 08:39

Split hairs all you want.

She went in the back of him.

Yes op was clear. But that doesn't always mean it's Ops fault despite what some on here would have you think. It may be, it may not. It's impossible to determine without seeing the dash cam footage, the behaviour of the drivers leading up to the incident, and the witness statements from both parties.

steff13 · 02/02/2026 13:43

PrincessofWells · 02/02/2026 08:44

Yes op was clear. But that doesn't always mean it's Ops fault despite what some on here would have you think. It may be, it may not. It's impossible to determine without seeing the dash cam footage, the behaviour of the drivers leading up to the incident, and the witness statements from both parties.

You're always required to leave assured clear distance between your vehicle and the vehicle in front of you. Regardless of whether the man stopped for a "legitimate" reason, the OP wouldn't have hit him unless she was either following too closely or not paying attention.