Who should be responsible for putting my son back in bed?

[Rexers]

Dh often works very late. We have a 7 month and 2.5 year old. We both agreed that we would do our best to keep the boys out the bedroom (7 month is with us and wil be for a few more months as I ebf).

I have to admit I have gone back on my word. I have started bringing in the 2.5 yo into my bed as he has got into a very bad habit of waking up. He gets himself so upset that I worry he’ll wake the baby. So I just bring him in to bed. I enjoy the snuggles and I have to say I felt guilty that he was alone whilst ds2, dh and I were all together.

Dh does get annoyed. He thinks it’s making things harder for ds1. But also it means we are not having much of an intimate life. As we definitely most intimate at night when he gets home (both our preferences).

I am a SAHM for now and I really need the routine of being up and out of the house early with the kids and dogs for a walk. Works well as it gives dh time to sleep in.

The only thing is we don’t agree on who should take ds1 back to his bedroom. Dh has a sore shoulder (surgery) so finds it uncomfortable . Whilst I think it’s DH’s preference to not co sleep so the onus should be on him. im quite happy with our current arrangement.

I know it’s petty. But who do you think?

I really struggle to fall back asleep if o get up and move around too much.

I don’t think it’s anyone’s responsibility in particular, but having suffered with shoulder and back pain, it’s no picnic sharing a bed with a young child, or having to take them back to bed. My partner would definitely put them back to bed if I was in pain. Could your husband sleep in another room for the time being until things get back to normal?

You take it in turns and start putting him back in his own bed. I know friends who have 9 year olds who still occasionally come in. If you had agreed you want your room for you nip this in the bud. If you want to go sleep despite what you agreed then I think putting your son back to bed needs to be on you!

Take turns and then no one can complain

Sore shoulder as in a bit achey from a gym session, or sore from an actual injury/condition? If injury/condition then of course YABU.

Toddler has a single bed, get in with toddler or toddler gets in with you and DH gets a bed to himself.

injury which was operated on 4 months ago

Tbh I think you should, if your husband is likely to damage a healing shoulder. At least for now.

Other than that, once it's healed properly, take it in turns?

Yeah pretty unreasonable.

oh and ‘my’ son?? Assume you mean our son

YABU as you’ve changed the agreement to suit yourself and now want your DH to step in.

Why don’t you buy your child a bed? When he wakes in the night you can get into bed with him and settle him that way.

It’s not the responsibility of one or the other - you set a boundary about whether he is coming in with you and you both work at sticking to it.

If he had shoulder surgery recently and the 2.5 year old needs carrying back to bed then it should be you for a few weeks until he’s recovered. Then shared.

If it wakes you up then so be it but I would also not then be up every single morning going for a dog walk to allow DH to sleep in, you should also get some chance to sleep in some mornings and have him take the kids/dogs out!

You’ve gone back on what was agreed as you like the snuggles… you lift him in, you lift him back, or as pp says you get in the toddlers bed instead

She said surgery.

They’re only 2 years old. Just let them sleep with you ? Why should they as a two year old toddler want to sleep all alone when the two adults and baby in the house all sleep with the comfort of another human ?!
get a bigger bed if you need. Or bring their toddler bed into your room. Make things as easy as possible for yourself at night. You have two under two and you’re breastfeeding so doing all the baby wakes, it’s tiring enough already. Keep them close while they need you. They won’t need you this intensely forever.
if you and husband want intimacy then you can easily sneak out to spare room or the living room when all babies are asleep.

Surely if your youngest is in with you it’s not possible to properly be intimate in your bed anyway.

We sleep separately at night for the reason that we don’t want our eldest to feel left out, we have a spare bed in his bedroom (he’s in his own bed as a transition) so one sleeps on that at the moment while the other is in with the youngest. It will only be like this a couple more months until we can get them to share a room but it’s worth it to us for them both to feel secure until then. Once both are asleep we usually then go downstairs to watch tv or spend time together.

You went back on the agreement so you should be the one to put him back. Or you could go back to your original agreement and not have him in your bed. If DS wakes up you take him back to bed, your DH should also take a turn at walking him back to bed when he wakes.

My 3 year old is still in with us. We value our sleep. It won’t be forever but right now she wants cuddles.
We make it work with sex by coming downstairs. Maybe not ideal for some but we don’t mind and we know it’s just for now.

My last child used to come into our bed , they don't do it forever and at least you get a good sleep . Maybe H should sleep elsewhere until his shoulder is healed . I just think it's no big deal and nothing to get worried about , they are not little for long !

Gosh you dont want to take advice from me. When mine were that age i often slept in the single bed in the kids room and left the toddler in the bed with my husband.

When any of my 4 woke up in the night we had a cot mattress on the floor next to our bed they just came in and went straight to sleep. We did anything so we could get a good night's sleep. They all grow out if it eventually.

Then yes of course YABU

I agree with this.

Plus your DH has just had surgery; do you want him to damage it lifting a 2 year old up and down?!?

The main aim is that everyone gets as much sleep as they can. It doesn’t really matter where. I think your agreement is no longer an agreement so you need to revisit it and set things up so that you all get sleep. That might mean musical beds or extra beds or swapping in the middle of the night - whatever.

Tell your husband that you have changed your mind and love cosleeping and don’t want to move the 2.yo. This is the truth of the matter, then renegotiate a plan. Cosleeping is so beautiful, and so normal in the context of evolution and global practices. It’s ok to say you want to do this imo.

I would keep my 2 yr old in bed and tell husband to go sleep elsewhere if he can't sleep! They're only little for such a short time and they won't want to sleep in with you forever.

You've gone back on the agreement (absolutely understand why) but your DH will be limited in how he helps if his shoulder doesn't heal properly. For now, it seems like it will have to be on you to take him back to his room or you could discuss alternative sleep arrangements with your DH.