Pet related dilemma

[GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf]

My DD is 6 and she has a cat. I didn't intentionally get her the cat, Miss Kitty Kat was my cat originally but she really bonded with DD and over the years DD had taken over feeding her, brushing her, picking out toys for her and pretty much everything bar cleaning the litter tray. DS is 4, soon to be 5 and he is now saying he wants his own cat. The problem is he’s not really responsible enough for a cat. Also I don’t think Miss Kitty would like a new sibling. DS has been saying it’s unfair ect and I see his point, but a pet isn’t about what’s fair, it’s a living creature.

DH say we should just rebrand Miss Kitty Kat as a family cat but I don’t really think that’s fair on DD, her and the cat have a bond and she sleeps in her room ect. So even if we could make her a family cat, it would be in name only.

My idea is to get DS a smaller pet, he loves bugs so I was thinking a pray mantis or something like that. I would need to do more research and find something appropriate for him, and he would definitely need support taking care of any animals, but that’s fine. The issue with this is whatever small pet he has would need to be in his room preferably or somewhere Miss Kitty couldn’t get at it - because she would eat it.

Honestly I didn’t really see this coming but I feel like I probably should have - one child having a pet of course the other one will be jealous! I’m just glad DD2 is too little to get in on this.

YBU - rebrand Miss Kitty Kat as a family cat
YNBU - consider getting DS a smaller pet of his own (if you have any suggestions I would love to hear them).

Any alternative ideas welcome as well I’m in a pickle with this

Do you have room for a tank for a pet for him at all? Geckos are quite popular (but I think can live as long as cats!) and probably would work alongside a cat if kept securely. Or maybe beta fish if a fish would work? Praying mantis would be very cute! Stick insects might also be a good option?

Youll have to tell DS that people don’t pick cats, cats pick people 😂 your DH is silly to think you can rebrand a cat that seems to have bonded to your DD as a “family cat” 😂 I think Miss Kitty Kat would put the boys in their places if they fussed her!

Whatever pet you get your son, it'll be you caring for it - so I'd base your decision on that (aside from the criterion related to the cat being likely to kill it!)

We’ve got room for a tank in his room it’s just I don’t want something too taxing to care for because I want him to be able to help in a meaningful way. I don’t want it to become my pet.

to be honest Miss Kitty Kat has always been a bit of a female separatist she’s not really keen on men in general unless they are giving her food

He’s 4. You’re going to be taking care of whatever you get him.

you’re the parent, you just say “no”.

The cat IS a family cat.

Stop labelling things and tell your son you all own the cat.

And as a pet owner, you should know buying pets for small children is very silly.

If your daughter kicks off, tell her she can become a pet owner when she's an adult.

But for now, she has a family cat the same as all of you.

to be honest Miss Kitty Kat has always been a bit of a female separatist she’s not really keen on men in general unless they are giving her food

And this sort of talk makes it look like your child is actually posting.

Not an adult pet owner.

Your DD doesn't have a cat - because she's six. It doesn't matter how responsible she is or how much she plays with it, or where the cat sleeps.

The cat is a family pet and always will be.

Stick insects, easy to care for and fun to watch.

Of course you do not get another cat! Your DS is too young to have a pet.
You say Kitty is DD's cat, but she isn't really is she? You take care of the feeding, the vet trips, the cat just prefers to hang out with DD.
Point this out - kitty prefers biased on who kitty feels comfortable with. That's life with a cat.
You could get a second cat and that cat prefers someone else too!
Don't get another pet to appease transitory jealousy in a 4 year old. Just say no, now is not a good time.

I think you’re overthinking this one. If your 4 year old comes to you and says ‘this is unfair’ then maybe time to think of what to do but I doubt he’s given it any thought, it’s just you doing that mum guilt thing!!

He's four. You're the adult. A four year old doesn't need a pet, they are far too young to look after anything and they have no attention span.

"When you're older we'll talk about it."

Explain to your son how cats are often solitary creatures and can be quite territorial- they often dislike other cats. At his age I wouldn’t get him a pet because he’s too young to care for one. Who’s going to clean out a terrarium or cage? Tell him to taken some of the cat chores such as refilling water or providing food.

The cat is a family pet, you need to explain to your son that cats choose their carers, where to sleep etc. Both kids are too young to “own” a pet, it’s an adult responsibility and while it’s great that your daughter helps the reality is any animal is ultimately your responsibility. On that basis I’d say no more animals for now.

What about a corn snake, my dd has 2, fairly low maintenance and if handled regularly are actually pretty chilled. My dd often watches TV with one buried in her hoodie. Preying mantis or stick insects would be good too.

Ghekos are so bloody quick if let loose, id say the cat would have a field day.

Dd has also had rats, they were fab. The hamster only lived a few years as they do so we had the death talk fairly early on.

I would just say it’s the family cat now.

Exactly.

You don't buy DS a pet because a 4 year old says things are unfair. DD says it's unfair when I won't let her watch Scooby-Doo instead of brushing her teeth.

We have a dog, DD said she wanted a cat and we said no, then explained how you can't just fill a house with animals, you have to do what is right for the family you currently have, including the animals. She pouted a bit and then cracked on with life. Because she's 4.

My DD is 6 and she has a cat. I didn't intentionally get her the cat, Miss Kitty Kat was my cat originally

What do you mean you didn't intentionally get her the cat and it was your cat?!

It still is your cat. I think you need to get some perspective here 😂.

Read her the book, 'The House cat'.

I wouldn't get your 4 year old a pet. He's too young, and thinking it's 'his' might mean that he'd be trying to handle it and inadvertently stress it out or hurt it (I'm imagining something like a lizard or stick insect). I would explain to both him and your DD that cats make their own decisions about these things, and it's lovely that the cat and DD have such a nice bond, but the cat isn't actually hers.

If you do get a pet for your DS, though, please be very careful and do your research. A lot of animals that are supposedly easy pets actually take a great deal more care than people realise to thrive and be happy and healthy.

When my girl wanted a pet (we already have a lot, a dog who is bonded to me, a cat who does as he pleases but prefers my partner, multiple parrots, one who prefers her, one who loves my partner, and one who loves me but would take the fingers off my partner if he touched her), we already were in the market for ferrets so we got three and said one was hers, one was dads, one was her brothers.

Ferrets would be a good call for your son - they are tiny fiesty predators, get on well with my cat and dog, eat the same raw food that they do and come on dog walks with us.

They bite especially when young (playing mostly) but my nearly 3 year old handles them confidently with supervision.

Your cat wont hunt them, they are largish with sharp teeth and play like cats do - they like the same toys. Worth considering?

Unless your daughter is responsible for vet bills, cleaning the litter tray, paying for everything the cat needs then no, she doesn't have a cat. You have a family cat and it just so happens this cat likes the company of your daughter.

If you absolutely must get something (and I think you'd be daft) to placate your son then get a tank for sea monkeys.

I should also point out that - we got ferrets because my partner wanted ferrets, the children help and in name they each have one, the responsibility is ultimately ours

If we werent actively considering a pet we wouldnt have got one

We have a zoology backgrounds so lots of animals isnt unusual for us, we have good relationships with local exotic vets.

If you dont want a pet your child doesn't get one.

Pets aren't for children. YOU are the adult. You say no.

Your cat likes your daughter and its very sweet that your daughter enjoys caring for it, but at the end of the day, it is your responsibility, you're in charge and you pay the vet bills, order the food etc. You're responsible for looking after this cat. I wouldn't let me similar aged child be changing a litter tray alone, it wouldn't be done to my standard and how on earth would they manage a full litter change?

Pets are real life animals, not toys for your children.

Unless you want a pet don't get another pet. You can't guarantee any pet you get will bond with your son.

If you absolutely want to get him something giant African land snails are very easy. Tank, mud, cuttlefish and leafy green veg. They breed like crazy though so either get 1 or throw away any eggs. If you go away on holiday you can leave them and they'll hibernate.

He is too young for his own pet, just because he wants one doesn't mean he has to get one. The cat is a family pet, its lovely that your dd has bonded with the cat, but she is too young to be truly responsible for an animal's welfare and you should explain this to both of your dc. Being a pet owner includes cleaning up, organising vet visits, giving medication when ill, and of course paying all the bills, not just the nice stuff like cuddling, brushing and playing with it.