Stay-at-home dad

[MRROWE]

Do you think it's a good idea to give up a well-paid job in order to stay at home and take care of the kids as a full time father?

I was a SAHD for about a year after I got made redundant. I was also a lone parent which made the financial situation way harder. Being a SAHD was fantastic; doing it on the poverty line, less so. If you plan to eventually go back to work after the childhood years you'll also need to seriously consider the impact it'll have on your CV.

Because, of course, the only important thing is what some random woman(?) thinks is attractive.

Tell us your story mate.
I did it back in the 90s, it worked OK. I had done macho jobs so I didn't feel I was missing out on anything.
You must be prepared to take on the lot, Every task, Cooking everyday meals, packed lunches for 3. Shopping, school events. Hospital appointments, (bloody grommets). Listen to Radio 4.
The kids are 40+ now they still talk to me.

Wife qualified and got a well paid job which was more than I could have got.

I think being a stay at home parent is a joint decision. Being the mother or father is irrelevant. Lots to consider in the decision: money, career prospects, school days, division of household duties, reasons for one parent being home etc, being the mother or the father doesn't matter, the factors to consider are the same

As an extremely happy SAHM, I couldn’t recommend it enough!

My son in law is a stay at home parent full time, and my daughter went back to work because it suits them. Whether it works for everyone else depends on the individual circumstances really. Same as if it were in reverse.

Yeah, I agree with you - it's a really complex situation and it's not easy to put into words. But basically, I just want to focus on one thing: if we set aside all the other factors, do you think this approach is actually a good idea? Well in my country, I think the general attitude is that if a man stays at home to look after the kids, he might be seen as less capable – even if his wife is happy to work and support the family.

I know a few families where it is a SAHD rather than SAHM. Works well for them. The discussion about having a stay at home parent (and whether it works for that family), is the same regardless of the gender of the potential stay at home parent.

Fine, as long as the dad does the same as a woman would at home. I see posts on here where the mother comes home to a complete tip, no food cooked. Personally I don’t think anyone should give up their career and rely on the other partner as often leads to resentment around money and can leave the stay at home parent vulnerable if the relationship breaks down. Particularly if unmarried.

wow- it feels like you've already come so far,while I'm only just starting out and still have a long way to go. so waht did I decided to stay at home? well, there are several reasons,but the most important one is that I wanted to be part of my child's growth during the time when he needed me the most. You see, in my own childhood,I didn't have much parentalpresence that's soemthing I really wanted to change for my son.

Do you have a partner OP?

The most important one is that I wanted to be part of my child's growth during the time when he needed me the most, In my own childhood, I didn't have much parental presence -that's something I really wanted to change for my son.

@MRROWE , You have to make the effort to treat it as your job that needs 100% of your attention for the first couple of years. You are no longer a bank manager or a bus driver you are SAHP.
My project was to feed the family and enable them to be where they need to be and on time. Simple cooking had to be learned, then I moved on to Delia Smith. Washing, ironing, shopping. Lunch boxes for three every morning.
ps. washing clothes. My wife bought extra bras, She would wear any pants that were clean but sometimes a particular bra was needed under some clothes. Drying a bra in 10 mins with a hairdryer is not good for the material. But PE kit survives ok.
Give it a go mate.

You are giving very little away OP! Are you married/partner what do they think? Do they work? How many kids ? Ages? Can you afford it? Will your mental health suffer being quite isolated every day? We need more info ! It’s a loaded question??

If your partner is in full agreement that she is willing to be the breadwinner, and you can afford it then yes, why not?

Though I'd say once they're around 13-14 that role becomes less hands on to the point of near redundancy. Unless SEN etc. So at that point just for the good of using your skills and setting a good example it might be good to get back into work. At least part time.

I think it's quite common for SAHP to go back to work when kids are at secondary school.

But within your own family, as long as you're all happy and it works. Just devide childcare and work however you choose. Nobody should be making unpleasant judgement about it.

DH jacked in his decent job when our baby was 4 months old...I went back to work to focus on my career, and it worked really well. I travelled a lot for work, and without DH being home that wouldn't have been possible.

I quickly leaned to ignore the odd combinations of clothes that our child was wearing when I got home... they were both happy, dinner was on the table, and all was good! DH originally planned to just do it for a year, but it worked so well it went on for a lot longer than that.

So yes - it can work, as long as the man (and woman) is willing to fully embrace it.

I couldn't agree with you more,without a certain level of financial stability,it would be really hard to make such a decision. Befor I took this step, I had already set aside some savings to cover daily family expenses and unexpected situations.Financial pressure isn't actually my biggest concern; the main challenge comes from the lack of understanding form close friends and family,as well as feeling out of sync with the current social environment.

There are so many practical pros and cons but I think if your heart isn't in it, then don't do it. It's not an easy life despite what some will tell you. If kids are young it is intensely difficult, if school going age then there is a lot of down time and it's very manageable.

I'm not sure that you would be resilient enough to be a main carer OP. You don't communicate with posters very well on this thread and communication is so important when raising a child.

You seem more focused on how other people might judge you than the job in hand. Women are judged all the time regardless of whether they work out of the home or are a SAHM. If you really want to be a SAHD you need to toughen up a little and prioritise the child's needs over your own.

For me all those years ago it was important to get the Family Allowance in my name and other things. That credited my NI contributions or something. Everything is different now but you need to check on the admin. Had I not done so my pension would have trimmed.

That's not a good reason not to.

Precisely because I want to challenge the traditional mindset and create a fresh environment for my child,I'm fully aware that this society places excessive demands on women. In many cases,women are expected to juggle boh a career and childcare,while men are often only required to focus on their jobs. To me,that's a clear sign of inequality. Right now, I'm actively trying to change that situation,in fact,I'm a dad who change nappies faster than most mums.

The hardest thing for me is not being able to ensure enough rest, since my child tend to stay awake until very late, I still have to handle all the housework and look after my family during the day., which makes it really touch to get good break.

In my view, it's perfectly fine for either the dad or the mun to stay at home, provided it suits the family's real life situation. That's said, the journey itself is far more challenging than many people expect. There are always unexpected difficulties, and it requires a lot of adjustment and from everyone involved.

My partner is a SAHD / house-husband. I am the higher earner although he has had a variety of jobs and is well qualified and has a great work ethic. We are lucky in that I have found myself in an Exec role and I need to be flexible, available, etc.. My calls start at 6am tomorrow for example. I love my partner and find the fact that he works in tandem with me to make sure that our family works in the best way possible really attractive. I don't care who earns the $$ and who does the cleaning... All jobs need doing and I am just delighted that it doesn't all fall to me!