If your partner goes away for a jolly…

[ticketwoes]

Do they step up at home a bit more in the few days before they go?
kids are involved. Away with friends for a week.
step up as in offer a bit more alone time, do the odd school run to save you having to. That kind of thing.

AIBU to think that they should??

If everything is normally split equally then it surely would be difficult for one party to take on more
I would expect a large bottle of Chanel from Duty free and a girls jolly

In an equal relationship they wouldn’t need to step up more before they go because they’d already be doing their fair share. My kids are adults now, but when they were younger there was never a need for either one of us to step up more before going on a jolly because both parenting and household duties were equally our responsibility.

Not really as we both do 50/50. We also have the same amount of jollies, but admittedly I have had a lot more recently! We’ve only done long weekends though as we don’t have enough holiday for a whole week off independently.

No, but I also go away without him so it works out ok.

i think they could if you can communicate why.

so, is there any chance you could do xxxx because I won’t get a chance when you’re away as I’m covering for you.

if they can’t then perhaps find another solution, or if they won’t then you have a problem.

Make sure you plan some time away too, helps prevent the resentment setting in.

Hmmm. I wouldn’t say we are ‘equal’ as I do more things around the house/kids related because I work part time, but he works long hours to afford us the ability for me to do that. So, same team different positions.
I also don’t go away as much/at all really without him but that’s down to my friendship group not being in the position to, rather than anything related to my relationship.

Doesn't sound very equal if you are the house maid and nanny and he goes off with his pals to enjoy himself and leaves you to your household tasks.

No because we do 50-50 of the parenting when we’re at home together.

But I would expect DH to also be fine with me going away with my friends as well once every so often.

It works both ways imo. DH has alone “childfree” time but I do too. We both parent equally.

Book yourself a spa night for yourself or a hotel trip. Get some wine read and book and relax. You don’t need friends to have some space.

Go to the gym, go to the cinema alone, take a walk etc

Oh I do things like cinema, gym and walks etc, I just mean full on complete disconnect from all responsibility like a full week away.

He didn’t need to step up. But he always used to take the kids for a treat before he went.

Yes I would, although Dh and I are pretty equal partners when one goes away they try to make that time as easy as possible for the one left at home.
so if I go away I’ve sorted clothes for the kids, made sure there’s plenty of food in etc. Not because he is incapable but because it makes life easier when I’m off having child free time. When he’s going away (as he will be next week) he will spend extra time taking the kids out (especially the autistic 5 year old) so that I’ve had some time to myself before being the only parent as the five year old is quite a lot of work, adorable but full on!

My dh used to work away in two week stints to the middle east. He would do extra taxiing to dc clubs in the evenings the week before, clear the washing basket and give the house a really big clean. We’ve always been 50:50 but he’d do 75% the week before so I had some free evenings. We have both worked ft though with a dc and a dog. If I worked pt, had school aged dc then I wouldn’t have expected him to do more.

If either of us goes away, we definitely try and give the other one a bit of a break when we get back. Get up with the kids in the morning, take both of then out to give the other one some time alone or to do something they want to do our kids are young though (2 & 4) so it’s pretty full on looking after both of them on your own.

Yes, this is the kind of thing I mean.
nothing huge, just picking up a bit more slack before they go, almost in acknowledgement that the parent at home will be picking up their slack whilst they are away.
I’m very much a ‘oh, don’t forget I’m out for the day on Sunday so if you want some time to yourself we have no plans on Saturday, so go for it’ partner, and I’m not getting the same back which upsets me.

If he goes away for a week, I’m also booking a week away. Should be equal time off.
if you don’t do that yes I’d expect him to do more around the house before he goes.

Erm no. But we generally do things in a 60/40 split. I do get a little treat like a massage when he gets back and I’ll have a day.

Neither of us would go away that long but he would certainly facilitate me having some free time before he goes / once he's back

What part of long hours/she's part time did you miss

Yeah whenever DH goes away he does cook extra for me and the toddler and leaves portions in the freezer. He'll also do a bit more "babysitting" to let me go out properly. I couldn't go anywhere the first year as I was BF so this was a way to make up for it.

Yes he does more before and after, and I get the time back for a holiday for myself or split into weekends away. Duty free gifts too obvs

I didn't miss either.
Doing all, or most of the work looking after a home and children also involves long hours.
Plus OP also has a part time job.
She is doing far more than her share without the holidays with pals.

No because I would then have an equal amount of time away. Do consider the risks of relying financially on a man you arent married to. Very risky.

But she could have them, but doesn't. He is working to facilitate her lifestyle and of course, his so isn't he entitled to a break, isn't she?

I think that working to facilitate my lifestyle is unfair - he affords us the luxury of me working part time, but that also benefits him because my ‘free time’ is used on household chores and school runs, meaning he doesn’t do them.
he absolutely deserves a break - I just think that saying ‘hey; I’ll pick up the kids tonight, give you some time to chill before I’m away’ would be a nice acknowledgement of the fact in order to have that break, I have to do everything at home and adjust my diary too.