To feel sad about dd17 becoming sexually active

[WeakandWobbly]

My dd has been in a relationship with a boy the same age for 3 months and we've had good conversations around sex, contraceptives, consent and so on. I have met him (he treats her well) and his family so no worries there. I think i have done the right thing in taking her to get long acting contraception and providing condoms. Its all fairly normal and natural at this age. I know my mum placed a long of shame around sex so we never had these sorts of important conversations when I was a teen, and i struggled when i went off to uni and got involved with guys. I don't want my daughter to start off her sex life like that, and she told me she feels 90% ready.
I work and have friends, hobbies etc
So why am I feeling like a ridiculous sense of loss and sadness? Talk some sense into me....gently!

@PassingStrangereh??

She’ll always need you x

14 is way too toung to have sex, your parents werent doing their job

Nonsense. My parents weren't perfect but they were if anything too strict with me. Anyway, I was a very mature 14.

I think you are too emotionally involved in your daughter's sex life.
Openness and support is great. But she does deserve privacy and space to mess up / grow / explore.

I took it as meaning she’s a bit nervous (as most of us probably were) about taking that next big step.

If you’re concerned about it OP it seems your relationship is open enough that you can broach that with her?

I totally agree.

I love my kids and am a really good mum but I always seemed to be the exception (on MN at least lol) in that I have always looked forward to seeing the back of the stages. Very happy at the end of primary, glad for the end of senior, thrilled they are embracing independence etc. I don‘t know if I’m an anomaly but I have never felt sad for the end of ‘eras’. I remember being surrounded by crying mums and kids at primary leaver’s assembly and me and my son looking at each other saying, let’s get out of here (he was a model student). I wonder why that is? My dad was very unsentimental so I wonder if I got a bit of that (because I’m not a hard nut or anything).

It absolutely is not a strange emotion to have. Abba wrote a whole song about it. "Slipping through my fingers" And that song makes me cry in anticipation every time even though my youngest is still at primary school! Perfectly natural OP, give yourself time, kindness and understanding.

Sex doesn't signify that you've lost her or that she's now an adult. Sex doesn't have that ability.

You sound like a lovely mum with a lovely daughter. ❤️

YANBU to feel the way you feel. But its all good! Your dd is talking to you and being sensible!
I was sexually active at 17, but no way could I speak to my mum, who was a "no sex until marriage" Catholic! I have no regrets (first bf, didnt last )
But with my dds I had "the chat" . All I had to say was, it should be safe, and it should be fun! If either of those factors are missing, give it a swerve.
My eldest dd is now 22 and still with her first bf(4 years!). I don't really think about their sex life, but I'm sure she could talk to me if there were. My younger dd is with a woman, who is lovely. My ds is bi and yet to bring anyone home, but he is very sorted and I know whoever he brings home will be lovely.
Its accepting they have their own life and celebrating their growth in life. I love it! Their partners have become part of our family (although I am aware they might not last forever!) But for me its not about the sex (I don't think about it!) Its about them developing and experiencing relationships

I think you’re too close to the ground here to be honest. It’s good to chat about safe sex but to then be contrasting her potentially having sex to your own sexual experiences and worrying she’s losing her innocence is weird imo. My parents put loads of weirdness around sex to where I never discuss it with them (I’m in my 20s).

ultimately if you see yourself as being a grandparent some day, you have to come around to the idea of your adult offspring being seen as desirable, having intimate relationships and eventually in the future - getting to a point where a child can be made. at 17, you’re not expecting a pregnancy yet, but most people start discovering that side of themselves at that age and dating. Then by the time she’s mid 20s-30s, she’ll have enough dating experience to pick the right person to have a child with when the time comes. Cycle of life

as far as a parent is concerned, she’s gone about it in the best way possible.