I want to stay with my partner I love them from the bottom of my heart and there is no one I would rather be with. We created a family and a home and I don't want to lose that. That to me is precious, it's worth it's weight in gold. It's what keeps me going. I can't stand the thought of not having them by my side or not seeing the kids every day and being there when they need me.
I suffered from depression, lost my confidence and my voice. I started therapy to try and regain. I asked my partner to support and they responded I'm giving all I can. They say they gave me chance to show up for them, but they never showed up, they basically told me I've got to navigate myself and show my worthiness for our marriage. They offered me to leave the home for a bit and come back after, but in the state I am in, I couldn't leave the kids especially as they are getting me through every minute.
They say I can't meet their needs of of social, emotional and mindfulness as a partner. I've tried and tried but they throw back on how they would have broke their back to repair. I have broke my back over it, I've hardly slept, working full time, doing all the chores around the house whilst giving them all the support I can. I feel as they have already judged me or seeing me through hatred goggles that no matter what I did or do, it wasn't enough. They may say they was waiting for me to prove her wrong, but they wasn't there when I asked, they wouldn't engage with me, gave me attitude/ a tone. But anything I did attempt, was never noticed or disregarded.
They would tell me there's another chance but I'm not allowed to talk about this, show affection and refrained from saying certain things. It made it really difficult for me, but I'm supposed to show I'm worthy of continuing a marriage, show I'm worth keeping around.
They say it's over and that there is no way back. They say its better for the kids and for the family to be apart. I don't want to be apart. It's eating me up from the inside. I'd rather kill myself than see them walk away from me.
I had a team day away from home. I cried the whole train journey because my life was in tatters. My partner wants to leave me. * [Post edited by MNHQ to remove mention of suicide methods]
Am I being unreasonable to want to keep the marriage going and keep the family together? Is that such a hard ask? I putting in all my effort and work and trying everything I can be the person they need.