edit to say sorry I only just noticed the typo in the title!!
Im going to do my best to share as much as possible here so I hope this is easy to follow!
I’m 26 and the eldest of my fathers children. I have two (half) brothers, who are 15 and 16, and a half sister who is 1.
As is obvious from the above, there are large age gaps between us all. To be clear, my brothers share a mother and my sister has a different mum.
When I was younger I was expected to do a lot for my brothers when visiting my dad. From about age 12 I was expected to make their dinner, clean up after them and generally supervise them for the majority of the time I was there. As such, we have a close relationship now, although it was not always this way as I think my “parental” role meant we clashed sometimes. I feel this was largely down to my dad not standing up and saying it was inappropriate, although clearly my brothers mother is also to blame too.
As time went on I was just the built in babysitter, despite not living with them, as I ‘knew everything anyway’ and I felt a lot of responsibility. They had a rough life, no money and neither of their parents took proper care of them. I have always therefore felt like it was my duty to care for them and help them where I can.
i feel really lucky that I’ve been able to pull myself up by the boot straps into living a good life. I have a wonderful husband, a good job and feel lucky enough to be able to largely do things I enjoy without worrying.
Moving on, my dad married his much younger wife and decided they wanted a baby together.
since they had their baby I have been slated for “having no interest in her”. I will admit I haven’t seen her much (maybe three times) for a variety of reasons.
The summary of those reasons are:
I feel like if I get too involved I will once again be roped into being the free babysitter
I already feel a great duty of care to my brothers (who incidentally my father no longer has contact with) and I don’t feel I can handle another responsibility like this. I do not want children of my own, and I think this is probably due to having to care for my brothers as a child, so I don’t want this responsibility either.
I have my own life now. A life that I enjoy. I’m very close with other members of my family but not my dad nor his new wife. I don’t feel I need this relationship in my life and their child sort of accompanies this.
if I try to express any of this, I get shot down told it won’t happen or told how selfish and horrible I am that I don’t care about my own sister.
im just wondering if anyone things im being unreasonable here? Happy to be told that I am and I need to give my head a wobble!