To sit and think my poor grandmother! What would she think?!

[DurableMatts]

It’s 10:30 and so far today my house has been hoovered/mopped by the robot hoover, the clothes are washed and drying…and I have only had to pop the clothes in and press a few buttons. The house is warm and I’ve done nothing for that as it’s on a thermostat.

I am wfh so I get to earn and I still dropped my dc to school.

My poor granny had 10 dc! She had no washing machine so washed everything by hand! She walked the youngest to school and then came home to clean the house, washed the clothes, hung them out if weather permitted, had to light fires to keep the house warm. And she didn’t earn a bloody penny!

she would be in awe at things today 😢 (and yes I’m well aware that a lot of people still have to do a lot of these things these days…I was just thinking about her is all and it got me)

This thread has brought back memories of this book https://amzn.eu/d/2OzQK7r "Round about a pound a week" which I read ages ago but it made such an impression on me. The voices of the past, the struggles of the women, how the loss of a child or often more than ones child was sadly a common experience. Their courage and resourfulness shines through

Too true, we are just so spoiled these days 😂
I had no water for a full day a couple of weeks ago, I was fuming that I couldn't shower or put the washing machine on. When the water came back on I stood at kitchen sink thinking how lucky we are to have fresh, clean running water. It was a humbling moment.

Totally different SAHMs then, let alone working too 😅

Do you think though that in spite of all the hard work involved that people were more contented years ago. Now we have all the time saving gadgets and yet we still are often time poor, stressed, dissatisfied, and we just don’t take time to breathe and actually enjoy living.
I think William Davies was right in his poem in 1911, the words are as true today as the day it was written.
What is life if full of care,
We take no time to stand and stare.

Two of my great grandmothers died giving birth. In both cases they lived in the Highlands and gave birth at home. This was in 1900 and 1902. Thankfully things have come a long way since then.

See, now I loved my twin tub. Married in 1973. Used to do my washing on a Friday. Fill the tub, put whites in, set for 10 minutes or so. Go off and do a bit of dusting or whatever. If anything was heavily stained I could check and leave it on a bit longer. Put stuff into spin/rinse and put another load into wash. Repeat 2/3 times. In the summer I could sometimes have it all out, dried and some ironing done before my neighbour, who had an automatic, had even got her second lot on the line. Could never understand why you would want an automatic when it all took so long. Husband hated it though.😁.

My great gran had triplets in 1922 when she already had a three year old and four year old. (First surviving triplets in the county - they were local celebrities for a while and got money from the king).

Lived in a two up two down with no bathroom, outside toilet, washing cloth nappies by hand etc. AND SHE WENT OUT TO WORK. No idea who looked after the kids but by all accounts her husband was a waste of space

same question. Were you actually there? Do you think the working class had much stand and stare time?

I suspect the kids got left with neighbours who had parents/grandparents living with them.

This is true. We’re not made for the amount of physical toil generations before us endured. I couldn’t do it. But, what we have gained (appliances to help with cooking and cleaning, hot water and heating etc) we have lost elsewhere.

Mentally the strain on us is at an all time high. We women are expected to work (I work full time and my hours can be long. I do wfh a lot, but I am spinning multiple plates, often switching between tasks and meetings without a minutes break). The majority of the household chores fall to us (unless you have a DH/DP who actually does half. Seems rare. My exes certainly have not!) I know the physical labour is less intensive, but the washing still has to be sorted, carried, folded, put away. Your groceries may get delivered (mine don’t) but you still have to remember all the things needed for the week, do the online shop, book the a slot, put it all away. So it is less physically, but it’s not insignificant. Most of the life admin (birthdays, arranging appointments, arranging insurance, helping with homework, paying the cleaner/window cleaner, reciprocating play dates, etc) is mental toil. Then you need to factor in that we’re supposed to look fabulous and not “let ourselves go”. Take care of our physical appearance, keep fit, worry endlessly about our physical appearance, keep grey hair at bay, shave furry bits, have a good skincare routine, etc etc). Though I realise plenty of women don’t give a shit. And good for them! I wish it was something I didn’t have to worry about. But I grew up in the 90s and my self worth was sadly tied to physical appearance. In addition to have a social life, nurture your relationships. Be there for everyone all the time, be a good daughter to ageing parents…..

I don’t know about you, but the mental pressure we are under as women of today feels excruciating and unmanageable. Life was hard but much more simple and honest.

Seconded- what a mean and selfish git!

Agree we can only know about the things we were there at the time for...

But I grew up in the 90s and my self worth was sadly tied to physical appearance

I was a teen in the 90s, barely-there make up, jeans and t-shirts were fine for going out, hair got a brush put through it and that was the end of it - I've always been grateful for such a low maintenance run up to adulthood, which I have happily maintained.

My parent saved up for a fitted carpet. It was pale grey with little red flowers running through it. Why do I remember it so well? Because within less than a week of it being down, I spilt a hole bottle of Quink ink over it. In panic I got a bowl of hot water, a load of Daz and started scrubbing. By the time she got home from work I was up to my knees in blue bubbles and the stain had spread ten fold.

i ran out in the garden and was weighing up whether I would get into more trouble for running away.

My grandmother didn't have an indoor tap until 1953. Indoor loo in about 1980.

My grandmother was staff! 😁

I remember my mum putting clothes through the mangle. I was born in the early 50's. I hated Monday's because it was washing day. The back door was left open and the house was cold. I liked Thursdays, as it was baking day.

My mum was very, very pretty and lot's of men wanted to court her. She was born in the late 20's. She worked at some sort of factory and the owner's son was after her hand in marriage. He told her if she married him, he'd buy her a washing machine.
She told me when my dad was courting her, they were riding their bikes (for transportation not recreation) and she saw the factory owners son and she said he looked so sad she felt sorry for him.
Before she married my dad they'd saved all their money to buy a two up two down at auction. They both started work at 14. Dad wasn't 21 yet, so his mum had to bid on the house. It had no bathroom, a toilet at the bottom of the garden. We had our baths in a tin tub in front of the fire. Good times.
They worked hard, ended up very well off, but mum always lived as if she was still the poor girl. She rode her bike to work until she retired. Always put her clothes on the line.

That made me think of my Great Nana.

It must have been around 1990 when Always Ultra thin sanitary pads first came out. She'd had a sample pack put through her door. She passed them to me and asked if I could use them. She then apologised and said one was open as she couldn't resist having a look and marvelling at how thin it really was! I was creased 😂

This is a collection of letters from working women in 1915: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/50077/50077-h/50077-h.htm
You can read how desperate was the need for reliable contraception

@DurableMatts I’m really happy you posted this today, I think I was due a little reminder on how lucky I actually am and to help me put a few things into perspective. Only downside is now you’ve got me thinking about (and missing!) my own lovely grandmother and how much more I wish she’d have had when raising her own children!

MY GGM had 10 dcs, and my GM told me that her mother sometimes kept her home from school on Mondays, to help with the wash. Only she had to hide from her father until he went to work, since he’d have seriously disapproved.

That GM (died mid 1970s at about 88, so I’m talking way back) also told me that she’d once asked her own mother (died late 1940s in her 80s) how on earth she’d managed without a pram.
‘I used my arms.’

GM had 6, one died as a baby, but she was relatively well off by the standards of the day - she did have a pram - and sent sheets etc. to the laundry.

They would be thrilled! Who wouldn’t want their grandchildren to live like Kings with warmth and ease and food and fun?

My grandparents were very poor and great grandparents even poorer. I think they’d be pleased as pie to see me with a full fridge, 30 boxes of tea in the pantry, precious jewels on my hands, a warm house, a big garden and hundreds of books to my name. What blessings.

Although they’d be fuming my DH is half Londoner half Welsh. They might just get over the Welsh part but not the southern.

We had a mangle when I was a small child in the 60s. Both my parents worked so my maternal grandmother looked after me and my sister and did the housework for my mum. I remember trips to the launderette. We didn’t have a washing machine until 1976. When my late dad was a child in SE London they used to bath at the local baths

Well if I go back to my own birth in the forties then yes I do think so. It was difficult financially, and they were very hard working but they always had an air of contentment. Although I was born in a large city, I was brought up to appreciate nature and to appreciate quiet time. And yes I do well remember outside toilets, coal fires and thick frost on the inside of window panes. If you go further back in time to the late 1800 then yes life was probably harder then. What I’m saying is we now have every device under the sun to make life easier and yet there are so many stressed people who don’t have enough minutes in the day … it seems counter productive!