AIBU to take the cat back?

[SummerBreeze1980]

I'm writing this on behalf of a friend.

My friend through no fault of her own was made homeless by a private landlord. She was moved into a homeless shelter with her 2 children. She could not take her pets. Through work, a colleague suggested an older lady who would care for her cat until she could have him back.

After a year they were moved to a temporary flat which also does not allow her to have her pets. She has now been there a year. So the cat has lived with the lady for 2 years. During this time my friend has provided all his food/treats/flea and worming treatment and taken him to the vets when necessary and paid. She visits him weekly with her daughter.

The issue is that the lady has of course got very attached to the cat and likes to treat him with food. She buys him wet food pouches and gives him a lot of not particularly healthy treats. The cat is now very overweight, has health problems and does not go outside. My friend has tried to kindly and gently address this with the lady while being incredibly grateful that she took the cat in and she knows the lady is not doing this out of malice, but just because she loves the cat.

She took the cat to the vet recently and they have said he is severely overweight. He weights double what he should. He can't groom himself properly and damage has been caused to his joints and fur. His teeth are also in a bad state as the lady has stopped giving him the dry food my friend supplies as naturally the cat holds out for the wet pouches and other treats.

My friend is at a loss as to what to do next. She is considering bringing the cat to her flat as he doesn't go outside now, even though this is against the rules and it is unlikely she will have a permanent home anytime soon. However, she knows the lady is very attached to the cat and would probably be lonely without him.

If anyone could give any advice as to how to deal with this it would be much appreciated.

i’d be surprised if wet food on it’s own was causing the dental issues.

how old is the cat?

Another thinking the wet pouches can’t be responsible for the teeth? One of my kids has a cat and right from kitten the vet’s advice was to feed 2/3 wet food and 1/3 dry food as diet as supposedly many cats get kidney problems from not drinking enough even though there are fountains used now. They also feed treats but most of the treats are good for the teeth, so what treats is she feeding?

Basically, I think your friend was in a tight spot, this woman came to the rescue, your friend shouldn’t have the cat in the current housing (could be evicted?), and her first responsibility is to her kids. So, I would just transfer ownership to the old lady and let it go.

She should have found another solution before the cat is in this state and she was ungappy with the care.
She visits weekly over two years? She must have seen the cat getting fat?
Why didn't the vet adressed it sooner? It sounds a bit weird.

As it is unlikely she will have a permanent home anytime soon she doesn't really have a lot of choices does she. Let it go.

Sounds weird but okay....

She should have taken the cat to a cat sanctuary 2 years ago.
she didnt.
The cat hasn't been properly looked after.

if she cannot adequately house herself and her kids she is still not in a financial position to provide and care for a pet.

The cat should be taken to an animal rescue and rehomed.

She could find someone else who is willing to adopt/foster the cat, but just tell the current fosterer that she's taking it home (as was presumably agreed) rather than to someone else.

I agree. Athough it's sad it's the right thing for everyone especiallythe cat.

The vet has said it is because he isn't eating any dried food. Cats do need that to descale their teeth. He is about 7.

Our vet has always told us to feed good quality dried food. The pouches are just rubbish to be honest. And the cheaper treats are full of cereals. They should be given in small amounts not the handfuls the lady is giving him. Our cats have never had problems with dehydration but we have fountains for them.

As I said in the OP she has addressed it with the lady multiple times.

I don't know if this lady could afford to pay for the cat herself especially as it will most likely need a lot of vet treatment in the state it is.

I know my friend has broached the subject with her daughter who really doesn't want to get rid of the cat but not sure if she has spoken to the lady about it. But I'm not sure it's ok to land the lady with the significant cost of pet ownership if the deal was that they would pay?

Yes, this is a good option. Although I know her daughter would be devastated.

If your “friend” visits the cat regularly, how did she not notice the state of it?!

Yes, that's a good idea.

I know...It's hard.

But ultimately there is a responsibility to ensure the cats needs are being met.

How is transferring ownership right for the cat? I would imagine he would become more obese and unwell. Also she can't just transfer ownership. The lady would have to agree.

Friend doesn't need "". If you think this is actually me what reason would I not want to say it was?! Bizarre! If you had read the OP you would see she has seen the cat get overweight and has addressed it multiple times with the lady.

Yes, this is true.

Cats do not do well in rescue centers long term . The cat is most likely happy and settled where it is . Wet food doesn't cause dental issues . I've volunteered for a rescue for the past 11 years .

The pouches are just rubbish to be honest.

That’s not true for all of them. My child gets the Hills Science and Royal Canin pouches (as recommended by vet, and they get the same brand kibble including a prescription line in the hills science they mix with the regular science/canin). Same as the treats, they don’t use anything ‘full of cereals’, it’s all natural freeze dried duck hearts, salmon chunks, kangaroo meat chunks, chicken breast chunks lamb green tripe, no artificial anything and also good for their teeth supposedly according to the vet. The cat loves the treats! You seem to be using a really broad stroke approach with diet with good/bad, when that’s not the case. Maybe the lady is not feeding that cat appropriately, but it’s really not the case that anyone feeding other than kibble is feeding their cat rubbish.

Not having dry food does cause dental problems.

Two people are feeding the cat. I think your friend should stop buying food the lady is getting enough herself, she probably feels bad not providing food for 'her' cat, but also feels she should give it the bought food too. Hence fat cat. Did the lady go to the vets with your friend and hear what the vet said? I think she should have.

Yes, this is true, this is what I buy and my friend too. However, lots of people I know do not buy this kind of thing. They buy go-cat and whiskas. This is the kind of thing this lady buys the cheap pouches and treats.

The cat is not eating any of his owners food now that the lady is plying him with the unhealthy stuff in very large portions. The lady did not go to the vets due to mobility problems. My friend did say she wished she had been there to hear directly from them. I wonder if the vet would give her a ring to explain everything?

If that poor cat can’t even groom itself as it’s so fat that is abuse!! That woman is being cruel to the cat and the best thing for it is to take it away from her!!

Is your friend paying the woman anything for the catsitting? She has now been there a year. So the cat has lived with the lady for 2 years. During this time my friend has provided all his food/treats/flea and worming treatment and taken him to the vets when necessary and paid. well she should shouldn’t she? It’s her cat!

So I assume the owner is no longer buying food or treats? I don't think wet food pouches are intrinsically particularly bad, what brand is it?