Social services is visiting my friends home has she done something ?

[Chattypatty1]

My friend is going through family court with her ex. The judge has ordered for social services to look at her home.

why is social services involved and why would a family judge ordered for her home to be checked by social services. Isn’t that quite extreme?

Am I wrong for assuming something is up ? I know she’s struggling, but I don’t want to impose if it is normal practice.

It’s probably that her ex has accused her of something to cafcass

Mid-divorce, sounds like a spiteful ex causing trouble to me.

SS will probably conclude all is fine, and hopefully tell the court that he's mischief-making. They see it all the time.

I'd take a bottle of wine next time you go round, and let her seethe with you. 😊

Deplorable!!?!! What are you wittering about?

Ds co-slept with me until he was 4. He's a happy, confident 17yo now, no stress or anxiety, 10 good gcses and heading for three stem a'levels.

Co-sleeping with the mum is completely natural, and ideal for the child's comfort, confidence and security. SS won't bat an eyelid.

They have very different standards of expectations for single mothers.

Anything that one normally did during the marriage when one was middle class and not on their radar suddenly becomes incredibly unacceptable when one loses the ring off one’s finger

I bet you my last penny that the father doesn’t have the child overnight at his house. And he’s realised the way to reduce his child support is to do so or at least pretend to do so. Hence this circus 🎪

I think there are far bigger things to worry about in the world than a 2 year old co-sleeping with their mum, but that said if social services are on their way around, if she doesn’t head to Argos and get herself a toddler bed she’s an idiot

A baby in our village died recently due to co-sleeping. It isn't worth the risk.

What age was this baby? We're talking about a 2 year old toddler here... Was it definitely cosleeping and not SIDS? (Cosleeping is avtually a protective factor against SIDS)

Very, very sad and tragic, my heart goes out to the poor family, though cosleeping is very safe when done correctly.

Surely a young child not having a separate bed isn’t a SS concern, lots of mothers co-sleep.

I am not pro-co-sleeping when child is still a small baby. (I know many will disagree).

But at 2? No issues. Unless it is part of a much bigger picture, this seems a complete non-issue to me.

Co-sleeping isn't illegal, no matter the age of the infant.
My thoughts are that the dad is throwing around empty accusations which won't hold their weight.
What are the "questionable" things you have witnessed op?

In my experience, social services do prefer to see that a child has their own bed and can often offer financial support to buy one, or at least a referral to a charity. However, I don’t think it would be viewed as a concern as such, unless a parent is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Where was this Village ….. because it’s not been on the news in the last few years

It wasn't on the news as far as I'm aware. I'm sure anyone who knew about it realised that highlighting a poor family's horrible tragedy to the news wasn't really something that anyone should do. It is most definitely true. It was my friend's grandchild. It was a co-sleeping death not SIDS.

It's likely they are carrying out a section 7 report which happens in about 9/10 children matters. They will usually visit the children/parents at home. They may 'check' the house if the other parent has raised concerns. Nothing to worry about if it's a malicious claim from your friend's ex.

Sometimes in messy splits there is a lot of "malicious" accusations made by the other party. Sometimes wider family members get involved with adding to the accusations. If 3 people report a similar concern then SS will get involved. If there is a custody battle then something along the lines of not houses appropriately/ house not furnished appropriately/ children neglected will be investigated - especially if multiple parties are sharing concerns (even if all concerns are the ex's family).

SS will check, they will either decide no further action and be recorded as "malicious" or if there are issues support will be offered.

It most definitely would’ve been on the news soooooo

As I said, I am not aware that it was. But it happened. Believe me or don't believe me it is up to you. I really don't care either way

Posters are yet again falling over themselves to justify behaviour in a woman that they absolutely would not accept in a man.
Dad: Social services are visiting me because I don't have a bed for when my toddler stays with me.
Replies: This is not problem at all. Your ex is just being malicious and interfering;. Just ignore it. You're a great dad, OP! If your ex is that bothered she should buy a bed for you. She's just saying this so she can have the children all the time.
Can't imagine it somehow.

My youngest just slept in our bed for years, she didn’t have a bed until she was 3-4. I don’t see that’s neglectful.

I think you would be surprised how many awful things happen in life that don’t make national news. So many things are just one or two lines in a local paper that would not be seen by people outside of that locality.

I agree with you. This must be very stressful for the family involved. Bad enough going through an acrimonious split; having social services conduct an assessment even tougher. I hope OP is a supportive friend.

Not necessarily. I've personally been involved in a few cases where there has been a child death and it's not been on local news, let alone national.

The ones that do tend to be where parents have been charged and plead not guilty, meaning there will be a trial. And if there's been ongoing involvement from social services prior to the death.

No, not all UK co-sleeping or bed-sharing deaths are covered in the news. While incidents of sudden unexpected death in infancy (SUDI) linked to co-sleeping are sometimes reported, particularly when they lead to inquests or prosecutions, many others are recorded in official statistics without receiving media attention.

Why are you adamantly asserting something that is demonstrably not true?

I mean, why would you bother?

I doubt the bed issue is the only potential concern. SS will want to build up a wider picture of the child’s life.