Social services is visiting my friends home has she done something ?

[Chattypatty1]

My friend is going through family court with her ex. The judge has ordered for social services to look at her home.

why is social services involved and why would a family judge ordered for her home to be checked by social services. Isn’t that quite extreme?

Am I wrong for assuming something is up ? I know she’s struggling, but I don’t want to impose if it is normal practice.

I’m not exactly sure why she doesn’t have a bed. She does have money to one and I’ve offered a temporary solution. She keeps saying it’s fine and then will mention things like social services that I had no idea of. So I hope everything is ok and it’s just part of the court journey

@Amba1998 her LO does not sleep on the floor. It’s just her and the LO so they would be sharing a bed

@Chattypatty1 I had a neighbour who was in a similar situation many years back. Her children had Sweet fuck all and I and many other neighbours offered everything from beds to fridges and sofas and she declined everything despite her kids not having beds or a couch.
SS got heavily involved and despite the negligence she didn’t lose her dc because there was no physical abuse, just negligence. SS are too stretched to be doing anything in negligent homes.

If her ex reported abuse or neglect then a judge would request an assessment of the child.
As long as the children are cared for adequately, they’ll close the file.

Perhaps the father questioned her parenting and is contesting custody, or might there be wider safeguarding concerns? Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility, you need to be honest with yourself and consider whether helping her now is in all their interests or she might need professional support. How well do you know her abd the situation which has led to court.

Is she providing the basics for her dc? If not why not. How old are they not to have a bed? What about food, hygiene, heating, appropriate clothing, toys?

What age is her child? If she is not providing a bed for her child, despite apparently having funds to do so, are there other things which are not being provided? Does her child have adequate clothing, is her home heated, does she feed her child appropriately? She may be co-sleeping but from your description of her, she sounds a bit lax.

It sounds like social services will help/support her and she needs it. There's nothing wrong with co sleeping/bed sharing if that is her choice but it has to be done safely. Baby sleeping by wall is dangerous incase baby gets trapped. She should welcome the help and advice. There's also bed sharing information online amongst other things she may need some support with.

Her LO is 2. I really don’t know what’s actually going on and she hasn’t invited me around for a while now. I’ve seen a couple of questionable things but I’ve never wanted her to feel I’m judging her a a parents. I feel a bit concerned she may be struggling I’ve tried to ask but not really got much from the convo. I hope it all just works out

How old is the child?

And honestly, if a mumsnetter's small child was visiting their father who didn't have a bed for them (and could afford one) the responses would be very critical, saying that he's not providing a safe environment for his child.

ETA simulpost with OP re the age.

It sounds as though the father has reason to ask for his child's environment and care to be checked then.

It sounds like it’s not a bad thing that social services are visiting.

As a friend it’s understandable that you want to help but you can’t force her to accept it.

These threads always make me laugh.
We had to escape domestic violence years ago. I literally left with the clothes on our back.
Moved into a house bought brand-new mattress mattresses yes the children were sleeping on the floor
Social services came round to visit and criticised relentlessly in front of the children. How horrendous it was that they didn’t have their own bed.
I showed them my budget that we literally had money for food and utilities and not a Penny spare
Did they offered to buy beds? Did they offer to find us beds? Did they fuck?

I wonder if he’ll be asked to buy a bed

In answer to your question op, when there are family court proceedings it is very normal for a social worker to be asked to make recommendations about the child’s interests. Often this is by the family court social work service Cafcass, but if there has been previous social care involvement, the Local Authority (social services) may be asked to do this instead, importantly this doesn’t mean there are necessarily current social services concerns, just that they might have more background than Cafcass to inform recommendations.

Being a good person is very different from being a good mother.
And frankly her sleeping arrangements for her infant are deplorable

Co-sleeping is very common

To be honest i do not understand the issue with a 2 year old sharing a bed with mum. This would be normal for the majority of the world. Im not saying it wouldnt be a SS issue though, that i am unsure.

It's possible that her ex has made some accusations and the judge has ordered social services to do an assessment and see if she needs some support. If I were you, I'd advise her to co-operate and accept any help offered.

My DC had their own bed but slept with me until aged 8 when they decided to use their own bed.

Sounds like dad has said it to maliciously twist ithe situation such as mum is a bad parent, she doesn’t even have a bed for DC. SS would of course need to check that out, but I can’t imagine that they would do much if everything else is fine. They may well tell her to get a bed and as long as she complied, it would be signed off as nonsense.

I cosleep with my almost 16 month old, have done since he was 5 months, his dad left when he was 11 months. He does have his own cot, however I have difficulty getting him to sleep in it and we both get more sleep when we cosleep. As another poster said, this is normal for the majority of the world.

My bed is cosleeping safe, not pushed against a wall which isnt advised and he does have a cotbed for when he chooses to sleep alone.

I dont think these sleeping arrangements alone are cause for concern (though im not sure of the blankets?) but it sounds like there are other things going on from what you have said.

If a father didn't have a bed at his house, would they ask the mother to buy one for him?

Social services will visit if concerns have been raised about the safety of the child, though in a custody dispute/separated parents there can be mud slinging like a PP said - someone raising concerns doesn't necessarily mean there are concerns.

SS will encourage parents to follow current guidance about safe sleeping, but if a parent chooses to co sleep they'll usually just want to know that the parent understands the risks and does so in a way to reduce risk where possible, such as not drinking alcohol before co sleeping. If it's not a choice but due to finances they may see if they can help - eg to refer local charities that help with baby items such as travel cots. Of course though they will be looking to see whether something like co sleeping is a sign of a wider pattern of concern around neglect. It isn't on its own, but it could indicate a lack of provision/priority for the child.

I had SS visit when I was going through family court. Yes it’s extreme as usually it’s caffcass. But I had them because my ex was abusive and I’d accused him of that and he said I was mad and neglecting the kids. They had to determine the truth amongst all the extreme accusations

I don't think sleeping on a mattress on the floor temporarily is a problem at all! The only issue is they don't get ventilation underneath and can get mouldy after a while, but literally what is the difference? My and DHs first home when we were teens just had a mattress on the floor 🤷‍♀️

How is it deplorable to co sleep with the 2 year old?